Éistibh, a Luchd an Tighe-se

Éistibh, a Luchd an Tighe-se, otherwise Listen, People of this House is a poem dated to c. 1500 (see 1500 in poetry), composed by Iseabail Ní Mheic Cailéin, a daughter of Colin Campbell, 1st Earl of Argyll (died 1493).

Thomas Owen Clancy notes that Éistibh, a Luchd an Tighe-se "is a fairly obscene boast to the court circle on the size and potency of her household priest's penis. The authenticity of the attribution to Iseabail has been questioned, but without substantial grounds." "Diplomatic" editions were published in the 20th century, and only in 2008 was the unexpurgated text, with translation, published.

The text
Original text

Estyf, a lucht in ti so, re skail na bod breour, dy hantyth mo chreissy cwt dane skallow dy screyf.

Da leneour bod braiwillycht dy vy sin amsyr royn, tak far in nvrd ċrawe so bod is ċaf mor roynne.

Bod mo haggird horistil ga ty go fad sessowyt, otha keynn an quhallavir in reyf ata na vackann.

Atta reyf roiravyr an sin sne skail breg, notcha cholai choyravyr woa vod arriss es. Estyve.

Gaelic spelling

Éistibh a luchd an tighe-se re scél na mbod bríoghmhar do shanntaich mo chridhe-sa cuid dana scéalaibh do sgríobhadh.

Cé líonmhor bod bréagh-bhileach do bhí san aimsir romhainn tá aig fear an úird chrábhaidh seo bod as cho mór righinn.

Bod mo shagairt thuarasdail cé tá cho fada seasmhach o tha céin ní chualabhair an reabh atá ina mhacan.

Atá a riabh ro-reamhar an sin ’s ní h-é scéal bréagach nocha [chuala] cho-reamhar mhotha bhod arís. Éistibh.

Translation

Listen, people of this house, to the tale of the powerful penis which has made my heart greedy. I will write some of the tale.

Although many beautiful tree-like penises have been in the time before, this man of the religious order has a penis so big and rigid.

The penis of my household priest, although it is so long and firm, the thickness of his manhood has not been heard of for a long time.

That thick drill of his, and it is no word of a lie, never has its thickness been heard of or a larger penis.

More Fluent Translation

O Hark ye, ye folk of this house, To this tale of a powerful prick, With envy, it makes my heart sick. Now, to write more of this tale ...

Though there’ve been many dicks like a tree, In times long gone bye, before me, This prelate has a prick That’s so high, hard and thick!

My household-priest’s schlong Is firm, fat, and lasts long. The like of his member Hasn’t been heard of for as long as I can remember.

That thick drill of a prick! Hark ye, I promise, no lies. Since Fergus’s dick I’ve never seen one of that size.