Breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing, also called Hansel and Grettelling, is a colloquial term used to characterize the practice of sporadically feigning interest in another person in order to keep them interested, despite a true lack of investment in the relationship. It is regarded as a type of manipulation and can be either deliberate or unintentional. Breadcrumbing can occur in familial relationships, friendships, and the workplace, but it is more prevalent in romantic contexts, particularly with the surge of online dating.

In this context, breadcrumbing is an antisocial dating behavior, similar to ghosting. It is referred to by this name because it involves giving a romantic interest a trail of "breadcrumbs," small bits of intermittent communication, to keep them interested without committing to a serious relationship. This is intended to give the 'breadcrumbee" (the receiver) false hope so that they will remain invested. Breadcrumbs might include randomly liking posts or sending flirtatious messages and require little effort from the "breadcrumber" (the sender), and will often involve a demonstration and then withdrawal of interest.

Whereas with ghosting the aim is to end the relationship, breadcrumbing's goal is to stop a relationship from progressing by not fully committing to it. According to Stanley's theory of commitment, these objectives are not the same. This theory splits commitment into two different constructs: personal dedication and constraint commitment. Personal dedication encompasses an individual's drive to advance a relationship, something that may be lacking for breadcrumbers, while commitment constraint involves the potential consequences of ending the relationship (such as financial repercussions) that force a relationship to be maintained, which are also not present in breadcrumbing. However, Johnson's model of commitment does also include the idea of moral commitment, unlike Stanley’s theory. Johnson's model posits that individuals feel morally obliged to maintain and commit to a relationship, something that has yet to be applied to breadcrumbing.

Personality
Research has found that some of the main reasons people breadcrumb are because they are seeking attention, do not want to be alone, and/or have low self-esteem. These reasons are linked to certain personality traits with certain types of people being more likely to breadcrumb, in particular those who score highly on vulnerable narcissism and hold Machiavellian views. It is suggested that as vulnerable narcissists seek attention and approval from others in order to increase their self-esteem, breadcrumbing is a way for them to fulfill these needs without needing to commit to or end the relationship. Individuals with Machiavellian views see other people as dishonest and gullible, leading to them justifying manipulation and taking advantage of others, for example through breadcrumbing.

Attachment style
Breadcrumbing and insecure (avoidant or anxious) attachment styles are linked. One characteristic of individuals with avoidant attachment is keeping a distance from romantic interests to avoid intimacy, which is a fundamental aspect of breadcrumbing. Individuals with anxious attachment seek validation and they may hope that by leaving gaps between communication (as in through breadcrumbing) the breadcrumbee will pursue them, providing the sought-after validation. They also demonstrate push-and pull-behaviours in relationships; they want intimacy but at the same time are afraid of being rejected, and thus push their partner away. This is an instance in which breadcrumbing may occur unintentionally or without the intent to harm.

However, vulnerable narcissism and Machiavellianism are also linked to insecure attachment styles which suggests that Dark Triad traits and breadcrumbing behavior may both be consequences of having an insecure attachment style.

These insecure attachment styles in adults are suggested to be caused in part by negative caregiving experiences during childhood, such as having a parent with depression. However, the correlation between attachment styles and caregiving experience is small and exceptions have been discovered, suggesting that other factors such as genetics play a part. Although insecure attachment styles are linked to poor mental health and negative behaviors such as breadcrumbing, it is suggested that they once had had evolutionary benefits. For example, Social Defense Theory suggests that having a range of attachment styles within a group meant individuals would react to danger in different ways, increasing the likeliness of the group as a whole overcoming and surviving those threats. However, this theory has been subjected to criticisms, including that it lacks evidence and does not take into account all aspects of insecure attachments. It also contradicts previous theories that suggest insecure attachments benefit individuals themselves rather than groups, but it does offer a possible explanation as to why insecure attachments are so prevalent. This in turn might explain why breadcrumbing is not an uncommon occurrence, with 35.6% of people having reported experiencing it.

Psychological consequences
As breadcrumbing is persistent and communication does not completely end, unlike with ghosting, it can be more painful for breadcrumbees and prolong the amount of time it takes to emotionally recover. Subsequently, victims of breadcrumbing are more likely to have lower life satisfaction and feel lonelier. Breadcrumbees often struggle with trust issues and reduced self-esteem and experience feelings of insecurity, jealousy, and anger. This can lead to even more severe consequences for mental and physical health, with some breadcrumbees facing depression, exhaustion, and skin problems. Breadcrumbing has also been found to sometimes occur simultaneously with gaslighting, for example if the breadcrumber implies the breadcrumbee is at fault, which in turn has its own lasting psychological consequences.

Coping strategies
Research has shown that there are effective ways to cope with being breadcrumbing that may help people minimize or avoid psychosocial consequences. These include redirecting focus away from the relationship and towards oneself. One particularly common approach is reaching out to others. Social support has been shown to reduce the effects of stress on depression and anxiety, preventing feelings of isolation, and has been associated with increased happiness.

Culture
As breadcrumbing is a relatively new concept, there has not yet been extensive research into its causes and consequences. Most studies looking into the phenomenon have taken place in Spain, although India has been found to have higher reported breadcrumbing rates. This may be because a collectivist, more tight-knit culture like India places higher importance on interdependence, leading to an increased pressure to adhere norms, though the relative anonymity that comes with online interactions may allow people to follow these norms less. The relationship between insecure attachment and breadcrumbing also differs across countries; there is a higher prevalence of anxious attachment in India, while avoidant attachment is more prevalent in Spain. Notably, this contradicts findings that avoidant attachment is more strongly linked to relationship problems in collectivist countries, so further research is needed to clarify these cross-cultural differences in relationship behaviours, particularly as they relate to breadcrumbing.