Draft talk:Oxnard Klan Riot of 1978

Assigned Peer Review

Evie
This topic is super interesting and I think the information you have is great. I know this is just a rough draft, but my general advice would be to streamline your organization and expand on vague/free floating ideas a little more. Some sentences are super interesting, but aren’t really explained which makes the text feel sort of disjointed. Adding some more topic and conclusion sentences to your sections would help too I think. I gave better explains of this stuff below.

When you write “attempted to show The Birth of a Nation at the municipal community center as a recruiting and fundraising drive” - maybe add that this is a movie that inspired the Klan/just a tiny background on it

I think you need to alter the lead to clearly define the relationships between the different actors in the melee - are the police and the Klan on the same page? By “generally supported the demonstrators” do you mean the people supported the Progressive Labor Party? Just a little bit confusing.

I think your background section could use an opening sentence that addresses the different topics: debates over segregation, strikes/riots with Mexican or Chicano participants, the rape-murder case, and the Klan event and how they all play into creating an environment for this melee. I think you need to connect this section all together a little more too. The first two sections could be connected with a solid topice sentence, but I got lost with the other two ideas. I think you need to explain the relevance of the rape-murder case because it’s sort of floating on its own right now. You could also use that last small paragraph to restate that the Klan event - with PLP counterprotest - is the event incident to the melee.

You write, “In the early afternoon, a crowd of hundreds of people gathered outside of the community center, the crowd was described as "mostly Mexican-Americans" by the police on the ground.” Maybe add that this is the community center where the Klan event is taking place since this is your topic sentence. You could say, “In the early afternoon, a crowd of hundreds of PLP/CAR counterprotesters gathered outside of the community center where the Klan would be screening Birth of A Nation. According to police on the ground, the crowd of counterprotesters was described as "mostly Mexican-Americans."” The Aftermath section seems sort of incomplete, and I think you could flush out some of your points a bit more to lengthen it. For example, “What occurred in Oxnard was one of several spats of violence that occurred in California and throughout the country” does not explain the kind of violence or actors involved. You could say something like, “What occurred in Oxnard was one of numerous periods of Klan violence against progressive demonstrators that occurred incident to a counterprotest in California and elsewhere throughout the country.” The same goes for “In Castro Valley just two months later, the Klan battled with the PLP and CAR at an event, also lead by Metzger, against Vietnamese refugees who had settled in the town.” What about the arrival of Vietnamese refugees caused a Klan event? What was the goal or purpose of the event? The background helps to draw a connection/pattern between incidents. You could also define the Greensboro Massacre if you want to mention it. I think you could use a concluding sentence to draw everything together. I’m not well versed on this topic like you are, but I’d suggest something like “The melee in Oxnard evidently proceeded several similar skirmishes between the Klan and PCP and CAR protesters in California, as well as more intense acts of violence perpetrated by the Klan across the country. In this sense, Oxnard is just one piece of a larger pattern of increased KKK violence in the 1970s and 80s.” The citations look great and you have tons of sources. I’d say just double check that you have a footnote for everything you got from a source so you don’t get Wikipedia policed.

Nick
Speaking broadly I think this topic is incredibly interesting. While there is a lot of information about the KKK during Reconstruction and during the 1920s and 1930s there isn't as much common knowledge about the KKK in the 1960s and 1970s. Add that this takes place in California a place not associated with the KKK I think this is an incredibly important topic to write about. Content-wise I think the background section is fantastic providing a lot of necessary context for Oxnard and the racial tensions that arose in the 1970s and the organizations that had strong support in Ventura county where Oxnard is located in. The melee section is similarly well detailed except for the final portion of that section. I would have liked more detail about how the police broke up the protest and what might have been their own motivations during the incident. Did they have a strong animosity against the PLP and were they sympathetic to the KKKs cause? Perhaps information about the police department's role in the escalating racial tensions in Oxnard could be explained in the background section. I understand the importance of wanting to keep the background section concise but when detailing an event with so many players involved I don't think having more information is a bad thing. At the very least I think there should be a better transition between the melee and the aftermath section because it kind of just ends. The Aftermath section I think also needs more detail. I think it should include information about how the public responded to the KKK and the violent altercation between the police and the PLP. What happened to people who were arrested by the police? Did the police face any pushback in Oxnard for the injuries they caused to the protesters? I think those details would assist in showing the importance of the incident in the Oxnard community.

Matty
Hello! I think there's a problem with the position of the content box, as it should be under the lead. I think one way you can fix this is by removing the title "Oxnard Klan Melee of 1978." You will probably be able to add the title once you publish the article. MathiIde (talk) 02:47, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

The lead appears to be a little bit abrupt and you should start with the name of the topic you are working on; it should look like a small introduction "Oxnard Klan Melee of 1978 (specific dates) was (short description)." The lead should also probably be shorter and shouldn't give out that much information; it should just briefly introduce the topic, in two to three sentences. MathiIde (talk) 17:23, 11 October 2021 (UTC)

I believe you have a problem with the "References" section; the "[1][2][3][4][5][6][7][8]" at the top of the section are probably not meant to be there. Since you also have a couple of References, I would probably either section them (eg. articles, books, and so on) or classify them in alphabetical order (author's name) for easier access.

Other than that, the article looks great, it is very clear and properly spaced, which makes it very easy to read; the notes also look good. MathiIde (talk) 21:59, 11 October 2021 (UTC)