Talk:Ælfhelm of York/GA2

GA Review
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You've had a long wait with this one Deacon; I'll post up my detailed comments over the next day or so. --Malleus Fatuorum 01:29, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

First few issues:

Lead

 * "From this territory and as an outsider he attained the position of ealdorman in Northumbrian, in practice southern Northumbria (the area around York) in about 994 ...". Wouldn't something like "Despite being an outsider ..." be better and more obvious here? Shouldn't that be Northumbria, or is "ealdorman" a Northumbrian word? I'm also not clear about what "in practice" means in this context.

Wulfric Spot's will

 * "Wulfric granted the lands "between the Ribble and the Mersey, and in the Wirral" to Ælfhelm and his son Wulfheah, on condition that both pay Burton Abbey 3,000 shad at shad season." That seems ambiguous to me. Were they to pay 3,000 shad between them, or each?


 * "It dates to 1002 x 1004 ...". I think this needs to be spelled out.

Death and legacy

 * From Death and legacy: "Ælfhelm's successor was apparently Uhtred of Bamburgh ...". Is it possible to be a little more formal than "apparently"?

--Malleus Fatuorum 02:35, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Reworded on all points. Is the rewording satisfactory? Deacon of Pndapetzim ( Talk ) 17:49, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

"Ælfhelm (died 1006) was Ealdorman of York, the governor of southern Northumbria for the English king, between about 994 and his death in 1006. His powerful and wealthy family came from Mercia, a territory and former kingdom incorporating most of central England. Despite being an outsider, Ælfhelm became the ealdorman of Northumbria ..."."
 * I'm still unclear about the lead:


 * So was he Ealdorman of York, or one of the ealdormen of Northumbria? Why is "Ealdorman" capitalised for York, but not for "Northumbria"? --Malleus Fatuorum 18:09, 20 July 2009 (UTC)


 * Well, Northumbria had only one shire, Yorkshire, so they are one and they same. Historians are confused about this point, but the position at York was the only one that seems to have gone by appointment, though Northumbria is a strange place and there definitely was more than one guy called dux in the sub-kingdom. Deacon of Pndapetzim ( Talk ) 18:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)


 * OK, that'll do for me, I'll list this as a GA now. Nice work. --Malleus Fatuorum 18:42, 20 July 2009 (UTC)