Talk:1+1 (song)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Wikipedian Penguin (talk · contribs) 19:08, 28 October 2011 (UTC)

As Nathan is on a break, I'll be reviewing this article. Novice7 (talk) 04:36, 15 September 2011 (UTC)


 * Unresolved comments from TonyTheTiger
 * "in a way similar to that of Whitney Houston as stated by Amos Barshad of New York magazine."-It would be nice to know a particular song, since I doubt this quality is displayed on every song she sings.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:17, 10 September 2011 (UTC)
 * There is no specific mention in the review. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 19:48, 15 September 2011 (UTC)


 * "Building an even more intense "make-love-not-war sentiment" in the second verse,[23] Knowles goes on singing: "Hey! I don't know much about guns but I [...] I've been shot by you", taking the last word of that line and kicking it up an octave "without sacrificing any power", as stated by Jon Caramainca of The New York Times." seems runon.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 02:17, 10 September 2011 (UTC)
 * What is runon? Jivesh    &bull;  Talk2Me  10:36, 11 September 2011 (UTC)
 * ""1+1" was well received by music critics who complimented the effective display of Knowles' emotive vocals thanks to the use of only light instrumentation on the song and praised the fact that the ballad was the opening song on 4." is runon and confusing should commas be before who and thanks? Not sure if that is the intended meaning. Also add who before the word praised to help connect the verb to the subject.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:54, 10 September 2011 (UTC)
 * I think you changed praised to approved, but who still needed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:20, 15 September 2011 (UTC)
 * A lot of musical terms like break (music) should be linked. --TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 21:54, 10 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Still a concern.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:20, 15 September 2011 (UTC)
 * I just want to let you know that a friend of mine has copy-edited the article and i believe it is free of these issues now. And what is runon? Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 04:41, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * see Run-on sentence.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:58, 2 October 2011 (UTC)


 * query
 * Is it allowable to link to this AI backstage rehearsal in the External Links.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 17:49, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Judging from the amount of media attention it gained, YES. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 18:29, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Better yet. make a music video sample that is 10% of the timed length of the original as a Fair Use sample.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 18:10, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * The reviewer below already mentioned this and i do not even know how t o upload a sample. So i will ask my friend to reduce it. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 18:29, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * What is going on with this?--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 19:56, 2 October 2011 (UTC)

{{hidden/FC|headerstyle=background:#ccf;|header=Resolved comments from Novice7 ( talk )|content=

Let's begin:

Media review

 * File:Beyoncé_1+1.jpg: Good. Novice7 (talk) 07:19, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * File:Beyonce_-_1+1_song.ogg‎: Hmm, this sample should be reduced. Length should be no longer than 27 seconds and bitrate <= 64 kbps. Also, the source field is blank and the rationale could be expanded.
 * I do not know how to do that. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 07:28, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * I'll reduce it. - Saulo  Talk to Me 15:16, 17 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you. Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 15:41, 17 September 2011 (UTC)

Will continue later. Novice7 (talk) 07:19, 16 September 2011 (UTC)
 * File:1+1 image.jpg: Reduce resolution to 300 px. ✅ Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 07:28, 16 September 2011 (UTC)

First review

 * Lead
 * "1+1" is a song by American recording artist Beyoncé Knowles, serving as the opening track for her fourth studio album, 4 (2011). Knowles debuted the song on May 25, 2011, during the finale of the tenth season of American Idol. I don't why "serving as the opening track" part is needed. There's already a tracklisting present, which shows "1+1" is the opening track.
 * Mags, i kind of believe that it should be left like this for a simple reason. If you read the critical reception or try to search for the hype that surrounded the release 4, you will practically everywhere see the group of words, "'1+1', the opening song of the ....". I think that's why Nathan did not mention anything about this. But still, if you think it is unneeded then i will remove it. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:30, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * No, it's okay. At first when I read it, I felt that flow was broken. Maybe you can rearrange it? Novice7 (talk) 16:03, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 16:14, 23 September 2011 (UTC)


 * Originally titled "Nothing B ut Love", The-Dream planned to include it on his second studio album, Love vs. Money (2009). – capital B or small b? Also, I think it's The-Dream "had" planned, right?
 * It is indeed capital as seen in the source. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:32, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * I was talking about Wikipedia MoS. "B" of But should be small. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 16:03, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅ but personally i feel Wikipedia has no right to do that. A song's title should be kept the way it is. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 16:12, 23 September 2011 (UTC)


 * A down-tempo power ballad, "1+1" draws from the styles – draws what? Influence? Also, keep in mind that influences are not genres. You know that.
 * A down-tempo power ballad, "1+1" draws from the genres of contemporary R&B and soul music. Is it good now? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:34, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Please tell me how i can re-phrase this? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:23, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * It looks fine now. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 16:03, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes!!! Lol. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 16:09, 23 September 2011 (UTC)


 *  The lyrics make sweeping statements about the power of the relationship. – whoa, sweeping is definitely not neutral. Also, is this sentence needed?
 * I did not understand this one. Please tell me how i can re-phrase this? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:23, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * You can remove the "sweeping" part. Maybe, "strong" would work? <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 16:03, 23 September 2011 (UTC)
 * Okay. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 16:09, 23 September 2011 (UTC)

Will continue soon. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:42, 23 September 2011 (UTC)


 * Despite it being a promotional single, "1+1" peaked at number 82 on the Canadian Hot 100 chart and at number 57 on the US Billboard Hot 100 chart, among others.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * The video was a different direction for Knowles who is normally known for her heavy dance routines in her clips. → did critics label the video 'different'? Then, add that please.
 * ✅ but can you please explain why it should be like this? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 *  The video was a different direction for Knowles who is normally known for her heavy dance routines in her clips. The video for... The video – repeats in a close proximity.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * The video met with generally positive reception from music critics, who described it as "sell[ing] sex as art" and claimed that it will be remembered as one of Knowles' most iconic visual work. → maybe I'm wrong, but, how is "selling sex as art" positive? Can you explain? Also, the last sentence must be sourced in the lead too.
 * The review is here and to be frank while reading it, it does not seem negative. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Inconsistency: Knowles' and Knowles's. The latter is preferred, I think.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Background
 * The two images may be free, but are they needed? Maybe The-Dream's image only?
 * Yes, they are free and they serve as identifications. As far as i know, FAC encourages the use of images. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * "Nothing B ut Love" --> small 'b'.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Shortly after "1+1" was released online, Knowles debuted the ballad – do you mean released as a promo single? Or, any leak? Please include that.
 * I believe it was leaked. It was not accidentally (in my opinion). ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Towards the end of the performance, she fell to her knees and shook the hands of audience members. - is this needed?
 * Why should it be removed? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Composition
 * This section could use a quick copy-edit. Removing unnecessary information, grammar fixes etc.
 * It has already been copy-edited twice. I don't see any unnecessary information. Honestly. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:48, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I meant rearrangement. There are lots of comparisons like Alicia Keys.. so, if you could rearrange them to give a better flow... You can remove the "xyz of abc.com said... pqr of def.com noted" etc. parts. I hope you get what I mean? <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I understand by Legolas and Nathan (while reviewing my GANS) tell me that i have to state who wrote so and so. I remember some someone even placed by who and of which templates on "Run the World (Girls)" because of this. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:33, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes, you should! I felt that could give a better flow to the comparisons sentence, but that's up to you. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:37, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * According to Michael Cragg of The Guardian, "1+1" demonstrates Knowles's raw vocals, reminding the listener that she has a "jaw-dropping voice " - is the underlined part needed?
 * I also think it is not needed. Actually, the one who copy-edited the article for the second time, put it there. So, i should remove it, right? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:48, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Yes, it would be nice if you could. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:34, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Critical
 * Jivesh, three paragraphs!? Try to reduce the number of reviews. Remove a few lesser notable websites (Prefixmag, Idolator etc.) as there are many superior reviewers here.
 * Mags, this what i cannot understand. What's the harm of having so many reviews. We cannot do anything if the song got so much attention critically. I mean, read the reviews, you will perhaps understand what i am trying to say. And the article has already been copy-edited twice. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:43, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I already read the reviews. The reason I ask for trimming and reduction is that we have to be consistent throughout the article. Giving undue weight to a certain section can be called fancruft by other editors. We need to keep a balance. Compare the chart section with this section. Or, Background with this section. I know you're trying to keep a neutral point of view, but trust me. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Mags, we are friends and i know you mean good. So do you mean that the CR section should be o  the same length as the background section. If yes, i rather prefer this article to be failed. Background information should not be compared to CR. The best example is "Single Ladies". You know the amount of coverage it received, right? But have you seen the background. It is simply nothing when compared to the others sections. This is what i HATE about Beyonce. She does not say anything about her songs. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:23, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I don't mean it should be the same size as BG section. It should be comparable. That's why I asked you to trim the quotes (that big blockquoted analysis!). If you trim the quotes, remove redundant information etc., the section would look amazing. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:27, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I think i will remove the quote then. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:30, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * The quotes need to be trimmed down too.
 * Redundant information: like comparison to Whitney Houston which appears in the Composition section.
 * Okay, i will remove it. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:43, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I had a look again and now i have a question. Is it necessary to do so. Actually, i tried to used the information present at best. I made it fit in both composition and CR. This is what i have always been doing but if you still think it is wrong, tell me. I will remove it then. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:45, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I'm afraid you have to, please. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:25, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Will review this section after the fixes.


 * Chart
 * Can you include how may weeks it stayed on the Hot 100?
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:52, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * UK chart: the source shows #76?
 * It works correctly for me. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:52, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Music video
 * Statements like 'A quick shot of the "IV" tattoo inked on Knowles' left ring finger is shown (a reference to her album's title, 4)'' need a source. Also, imo, this sentence is not needed at all. It does not give anything extra to the readers. Maybe you can trim this section too.
 * Sourced + i will not removed ti because it is clearly a reference to her album 4. Many fans will notice that. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * The reception section, is again, too long. Try reducing it. Trim quotes, remove duplicate reviews etc.
 * It has already been trimmed for what it was before. Is there anything wrong in having a long reception section? There were 62 reviews if i remember well, i only selected the best ones. Now i know you will perhaps think that by best, i mean positive. Well no. The video only has three negative reviews. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Responded above. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Will review this section after the fixes.
 * Okay. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Live
 * She has her eyes shut, standing in front of a mirror, singing the song, while members of her family and some friends look on quietly. - remove this.
 * Why? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * That's irrelevant to the article IMO. We don't have to provide such intricate details. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:25, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Joycelyn Vena of MTV News commented that on "1+1", Knowles' vocal abilities "outshined it all." - outshines what?
 * Well, that's why i put it in quotes. I think she means the heavy dace routines she did for the other songs. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Okay then :) <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Other versions
 * Nothing about the leak's music? Its difference with Knowles's version?
 * It did not receive enough coverage. Nevertheless, since you asked, i will search more. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * This is all i could find: Same lyrics, different vocals. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:59, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Ooh. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Lol. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:25, 16 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Charts
 * Please try to format the table per WP:ACCESS.
 * Okay. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:40, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:56, 16 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Great! <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:16, 16 October 2011 (UTC)

This is a quick look at the article. I'll post a second review soon. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 07:08, 16 October 2011 (UTC) }}

Revised
Me and Novice7 had a discussion and he asked me to take over as the reviewer, because he is currently busy. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  19:08, 28 October 2011 (UTC)

The following are repeatedly linked throughout the body of the article (note that the lead is not taken into consideration).
 * WP:OVERLINK check
 * New York magazine
 * The Huffington Post
 * The New York Times
 * Idolator
 * Entertainment Weekly
 * MTV News
 * Dose
 * MTV UK
 * Rolling Stone
 * Rap-Up
 * The New York Times
 * "Run the World (Girls)"
 * HitFix


 * Please check. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:34, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Good. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  17:40, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * Merge first two sentences.
 * This is what i don't like. One reviewer tells me A and another tells me Z. (No offense intended). Lol. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:37, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Lol, did I ask to split the sentences? Sorry if I did :) <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 11:49, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I think it was you Mags. If not, it should have been Tony. Lol. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:54, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " Knowles debuted the song on May 25, 2011, during the finale of the tenth season of American Idol. A few hours after the live performance, "1+1" was released digitally as a promotional single in the United States by Columbia Records. " Let us try and cut that down. How about " Knowles debuted the song on May 25, 2011 on American Idol, and digitally released it as a promotional single, through Columbia Records. "
 * Do you mean the date as well should not be mentioned? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Hmm? — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:00, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * The release date should not be there? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:06, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * The sentence is saying that the song was debuted and released the same day. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:39, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The song was written by Knowles, Terius "The-Dream" Nash and Christopher Stewart and produced by the latter two under their stage names, The-Dream and Tricky Stewart, respectively. " — It was actually produce by all three.
 * Nice catch + ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " Originally titled "Nothing but Love", The-Dream " — The-Dream was originally titled that or was the song?
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The-Dream had planned to include it on his second studio album, Love vs. Money (2009) " — "had" to "had initally"
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Merge next two sentences
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The lyrics make strong statements about the power of the relationship. " — Not necessary.
 * I have the habit of explaining the lyrical content in all my GAs. I remember once not doing it and the reviewer asked for it. I did not do it at that time because i had no source explaining the lyrical meaning of the song.


 * " Despite being a promotional single, " — Cut.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The video was a "different" direction for Knowles who is normally known for her heavy dance routines in her clips. " — Source to quote?
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * I think we only need one sentence discussing the synopsis of the video.
 * Hmmm, synopsis? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * You have two sentences summarizing the video: " The video was a "different" direction for Knowles who is normally known for her heavy dance routines in her clips.[1] It experiments with psychedelic visual effects and innovative lighting, which give it a cinematic feel. " — Reduce this to only one. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:39, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The video met with generally positive reception from music critics, who described it as "sell[ing] sex as art"[1] and claimed that it will be remembered as one of Knowles' most iconic visual work. " Shorten this and make it more general.
 * I need help here. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * " Critics praised the music video for its aesthetic and sexual theme. " Something like that. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:39, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " acclaim " is a WP:PEACOCK word.
 * Well, it's true but i will remove it. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Can i use "very positive"? What's wrong in calling it acclaim when it is so evident? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Simply "positive" suffices. "Acclaim" can sound a bit exaggerated, even though I know that critics LOVED the song. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:03, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " with some lyrical modifications "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:52, 29 October 2011 (UTC)

★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:57, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Background
 * " she sang the song surrounded by smoke and red lighting, and declared, "This is my favorite song" " — Too many "and"s.
 * " Knowles's " → " Knowles' "
 * + I did not do that. The copy-editor(s) did that. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:57, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " 1+1" was not sent for airplay, with "Best Thing I Never Had" favored as the second single from 4, following "Run the World (Girls)".[10] " — Relevance?
 * This era is a PERFECT MESS. People outside Wikipedia call this a single/buzz single. It should be here to avoid confusion. We should facilitate everything for people who visit Wikipedia. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 11:57, 29 October 2011 (UTC)

✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC) ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC) ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Composition
 * " slow tempo of fifty beats per minute. " — Use numerals (50 vs. fifty).
 * " allows Knowles's voice " → " allows Knowles' voice "
 * " demonstrates Knowles's raw vocals " — Add [sic] after "Knowles's" because this is incorrect grammar.
 * Comment: Sorry for butting in, but both Knowles' and Knowles's can be used. Both are permitted. However, I agree that the former is common among people. <b style="white-space:nowrap; text-shadow:gray 5px 3px 1px; font-family:Arial; color:#4169E1;">Novice7</b> (<b style="font-family:Arial; color:#B0C4DE;">talk</b>) 04:25, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Mags, you don't have to be sorry. You know how much you are appreciated by me and everyone. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC)

★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC) ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:05, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * " Knowles sings to the former " — Who is the former?
 * " Contessa Gayles from AOL Music wrote " — Comma after "wrote".


 * Critical reception
 * Do not link inside quotes, per MOS:QUOTE
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * After "wrote", we use a comma, not a colon, unless it is a highly formal quote, which this article does not have.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " "1+1" was acclaimed by music critics " — "praised" is a better word.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " "the only recent pop ballad that comes close to the power of '1+1' is Adele's stunning 'Someone Like You'." " — Write in your own words.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * The Joanne Dorken quotes need to be reduced to just one average size quote.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " Praising Knowles's vocals "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * I do not see the need of a blockquote, as most parts of that quote can be put in your own words.
 * If so, can you please help? I am not very good at converting quotes (especially when they are giant) in my own words. Lol. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Done. :) — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  13:13, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " Andy Kellman of the Allmusic "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:17, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Background and synopsis
 * Recording or filming a new music video?
 * That's how music websites report it. Filming is like Beyonce is holding a camera. Lol. I think recording is also in the same boat. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * "Knowles's" to "Knowles'" (3)
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " official website " to simply "website" (2)
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " The song's video features several close-up shots of Knowles "
 * ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " as though it has been coated with a honey-like and glittery substance. " — Personal interpretation.
 * Should i source it? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Source it, or remove it. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:56, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " the video begins the use of " — " the video begins to use "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " several scenes of Knowles are shown, as she is engulfed " → " Knowles is seen engulfed "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:24, 29 October 2011 (UTC)

I'll look at the rest of the sections soon. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  19:08, 28 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Reception
 * A giant WP:QUOTEFARM, so try paraphrasing some of the quotes.
 * I did my best. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:54, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Do not link in quotes.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:54, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * You quote The Atlantic a bit too much.
 * Lol + ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:42, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " Yoü and I " → You and I Per consensus.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:42, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " She added that, " — No comma.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:42, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * " L Magazine's Mike Conklin was unsatisfied with the video[,] stating "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:42, 29 October 2011 (UTC)

Frankly, this article was well underprepared, and even after two rounds of prose checking, it still looks like it needs work. I will try my best to pick out the issues of the article, because I understand how much effort you have put into this, Jivesh. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  11:16, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Awww thanks for this. I just saw it. I love such messages. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:10, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * I did not know we are not supposed to link something more than once. I always happened to think that something should be linked once in each section. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 12:42, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Lol, no. That's not how it works. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  12:44, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * All done now. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 13:00, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks. All done. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 13:22, 29 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Live performances
 * Remember, after "wrote", we use commas, not colons.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Now that blockquote shouldn't be hard to paraphrase. At least if you do, you will be allowed to wikilink Vincent Moon's Take-Away Shows.
 * You already removed one, why can't this one stay?


 * " Knowles later sang "1+1" live on August 14, 2011 " → " She sang "1+1" on August 14, 2011 "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * " with her band and orchestra watching on " — Sorry but what does to "watch on mean"? Plus, do not use "with" to connect ideas, because it reads sloppy. Second, a noun followed by an "-ing" reads ungrammatically on Wikipedia.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * " and sang sitting on her knees "
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * Other versions and usage in media
 * " leaked onto the internet in late May 2011 " — Capitalize Internet here.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * " posted a video of herself singing " — Comma after "herself".
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * " while seated at her computer " — In front of her computer you mean? Lol.
 * ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:12, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * References
 * FN 1: Link MTV News and MTV Networks. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 2: Do not use cite news because The Huffington Post is not a newspaper. Also, it is AOL, not AOL Inc. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 7: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 10: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 11: Remove "Inc.". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 12: The publisher is Alex Young, not Complex. Plus you have a typo: "Juine". ✅ but are your sure? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 13: Unlink Rap-Up. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 15: Per consensus, we do not provide URLs for Musicnotes references. We just have title, publisher, site, and year (not date). ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 17: Unlink AOL Inc and remove the "Inc". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 21: Unlink MTV Networks. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Please be consistent on whether you provide publishing locations or not. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 24: Unlink MTV News. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 25: Remove "Inc". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 26: It's just "Dose", not "Dose Magazine". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 31: Unlink MTV Networks. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 36: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 37: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 38: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 49: Remove "LLC". Are you sure? ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 50: Remove "Inc". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 51: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 52: No cite news, please. It is a magazine, a published one.
 * FN 53: No cite news, please. It is a magazine, a published one.
 * FN 54: No cite news, please.It is a magazine, a published one.
 * We use cite news to only cite newspapers, not magazines. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  09:53, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Are you sure? I mean i have been using it for two years. I thought cite news is for magazines and newspapers that are published. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:13, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I am sure. :) — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  15:11, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * FN 56: Just "Dose". ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 58: No cite news, please. Remove "Inc" as well. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 61: Link Washington Post. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 62: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 66: No cite news, please. It is a magazine, a published one.
 * FN 67: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 68: Publisher is inconsistent with other NY Times ref (FN 27).
 * FN 70: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 73: Typo "Pap-Up" :D (No cite news, please either.) ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 74: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 76: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * FN 77: No cite news, please. ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:39, 1 November 2011 (UTC)

Good luck! — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  17:40, 29 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks. From where do you get all that patience? You are the epitone of P.A.T.I.E.N.C.E. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 09:43, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Lol, I don't think I am even near User:Nikkimaria's level yet, ;). And trust me, I am sure of everything here! Let me go through the article quickly. I'll pass it soon. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  09:53, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Nikki is the best. She cannot be compared. She is so nice. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 10:14, 1 November 2011 (UTC)


 * All ✅ ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 15:23, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I will be passing it then. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  20:16, 1 November 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks. ★Jivesh 1205★ (talk / ♫♫Give 4 a try!!!♫♫) 03:19, 2 November 2011 (UTC)