Talk:1740 Batavia massacre/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Albacore (talk · contribs) 23:20, 24 October 2011 (UTC)


 * Will review shortly. Albacore (talk) 23:20, 24 October 2011 (UTC)

Good article, great read, very interesting. Some comments:
 * The lead IMO goes into more detail than it should per WP:LEAD. Two paragraphs should concisely summarize the body.


 * Wealthy Chinese of good community standing were also extorted, threatened with deportation by unscrupulous Dutch officials. Something doesn't sound right there, "unscrupulous" is close to a peacock term. Would suggest a reword.


 * the Dutch sent 1,800 troops, as well as schutterij (militia) and eleven battalions of conscripts to stop the revolt. perhaps link "conscript"


 * the Chinese were not allowed to light candles either, for fear that they would conspire against the Dutch. I don't follow... how is lighting candles conspiring against the Dutch?


 * ; this was followed by a Dutch assault on Chinese settlements elsewhere in Jakarta, who burned as many houses as could be found and killed men, women and children. would prefer a more professional wording here, especially the "as many houses as could be found and killed men, women and children." part


 * Setiono, Benny G. (2008) requires a language parameter


 * Ultimately, only 3,000 Chinese around the city survived the extermination. again a more professional wording would be nice.


 * This led to the Dutch being able to monitor the Chinese more easily. Chunky. Perhaps This allowed the Dutch to more easily monitor the Chinese.


 * No accessdate on the Brit ref?


 * Thanks for the review. I'm a little busy at the moment, but I should be able to fix it in a couple hours. Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:49, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Did some touch ups (visible here. Any feedback? Glad you liked the article. Crisco 1492 (talk) 02:45, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Much more concise. Two comments on the lead:


 * It was followed by an "open season" on ethnic Chinese throughout Java, which led to a two-year war between a joint army of ethnic I don't follow what an "open season" is. Is this an idiom for something?


 * ... Valckenier called another meeting of the Council on 9 October; that same day as the meeting, other Batavian ethnic groups... Maybe "the same day" would flow better in place of "that same day as the meeting"
 * Will pass once these issues are resolved. Albacore (talk) 20:15, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Second one is done. I reworded the lead for the first one. "Open season" is idiomatic, referring to the period where animals can be hunted without repercussions. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:07, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Will pass. For future reference idioms should not be used as it's against IDIOM. Best, Albacore (talk) 23:17, 26 October 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the input; I'll remember that. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:49, 26 October 2011 (UTC)