Talk:1999 Welsh Conservatives leadership election/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 20:15, 31 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Llewee (talk · contribs) 17:28, 4 July 2024 (UTC)

Hi, I am going to be reviewing this nomination. I have perhaps unadvisedly wandered into the world of Celtic Tories in the past so I might as well take another plunge. This is generally a well-written article. I will give a short list of suggestions for how it could be improved further. Please use the ✅ template to indicate when each problem has been dealt with. Feel free to add any comments or questions below each point.--Llewee (talk) 20:52, 4 July 2024 (UTC)
 * The lead of the article needs to be heavily condensed. MOS:LEADLENGTH comments that "a lead that is too long is intimidating, difficult to read, and may cause the reader to lose interest halfway". Given the length of the article, it should probably be about two paragraphs. I would suggest that the best option is to rewrite the lead from scratch, focusing on the most essential elements of the topic. You can then more details if there is space.
 * I'll try my best to get on to this tomorrow. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * ✅. I've condensed the lead to two paragraphs and rewrote most of it. The first paragraph largely focuses on the election itself while the second one focuses on the aftermath. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 21:38, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * The lead is still somewhat too long. It needs to be condensed down to the most essential facts of the article. The lead was a major issue with my first nomination (See:Talk:Murder of Arthur Labinjo-Hughes/GA1). The current article lead (See:Murder of Arthur Labinjo-Hughes) is I think a decent example of the length and structure that is necessary, also the lead of Educationally subnormal. By the end of Paragraph 1 the reader could briefly explain what the subject is, by the end of paragraph 2 they could give a heavily simplified timeline of the subject. That is all that is really needed at this stage. The information included should also be relatively balanced between sections.--Llewee (talk) 23:50, 11 July 2024 (UTC)
 * ✅ (?). I've condensed the lead further, rewriting more of it and removing some of the additional info. I think it's at a good length now, though I'd be more than happy to make more changes or reductions if needed. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 20:46, 15 July 2024 (UTC)


 * I think a sentence or two on the wider political situation would be helpful at the start of the background section. Perhaps mention the 1997 general election and 1999 Welsh devolution referendum.
 * Also plan on doing this tomorrow. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * ✅. I've added a paragraph detailing the context surrounding the 1997 general election and devolution referendum, as well as the democratisation of the Tory party. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 12:40, 8 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "Richards' decision to appoint Davies without consulting..." — this sentence would fit better at start of the previous paragraph.
 * I'd argue that this should stay as it is as I think the sentence flows well into the next one about the meeting on 6 August. Cutting them off between the two paragraphs feels a bit clumsy in my opinion. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * I think it would fit better at the start of the previous paragraph because that paragraph is about criticism of Richards' leadership. However, I don't think it is a massive issue and won't fail the review based on it.--Llewee (talk) 23:50, 11 July 2024 (UTC)

I will do checks on the sources and a copyright check once these issues have been dealt with.--Llewee (talk) 20:52, 4 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "Bourne pledged to take the Labour administration to account and to focus his party in the assembly on issues relating to farming, the Welsh NHS and European aid." — Shouldn't "take" be "hold"? Maybe also add a link to the European Regional Development Fund.
 * ✅. Also added the link as suggested. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "Bourne continued to serve as the leader of the Welsh Conservative Group in the National Assembly for Wales until he lost his seat at the 2011 assembly election." — This sentence would fit better at the end of the paragraph.
 * ✅. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "Now under the control of a more moderate faction that generally accepted devolution..." — clarify that "now" means under Bourne's leadership.
 * ✅. ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 22:52, 5 July 2024 (UTC)


 * Hi Llewee. Thanks for reviewing the article! This is the second of mine which you've reviewed, the first being Not flash, just Gordon (good timing, since a certain individual has just regained power for Labour for the first time since Gordon's departure in 2010). I plan for this to be my second good article and I'm happy it has the chance to be reviewed. After this, I also intend on creating the 1998 Welsh Conservatives leadership election article (who knows, maybe I'll try to get that to GA status too!). ThatRandomGuy1 (talk) 23:02, 5 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Hi, apologies for the slight delay. I have responded now.--Llewee (talk) 23:50, 11 July 2024 (UTC)