Talk:24K Magic (album)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Nice4What (talk · contribs) 19:51, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

I will be reviewing this soon, I expect that this should take around 3 days to complete... Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 19:51, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Infobox

 * Alt text needed.
 * Recording section doesn't have any citation that says recording took place in 2015–2016.
 * "It was recorded at Glenwood Place Studios in Burbank, California between the fall 2015 and September 2016" → The Rolling Stone interview- "I’ve been living in this damn box for 18 months!". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:32, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Fine. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Studio location shouldn't be in small text.
 * Genres: IT (Pop), Pitchfork (R&B, funk) RS (new jack swing). There's no citation for soul.
 * See Irish Times as it says "R&B / Soul". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:32, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * It needs to be directly explained in the article. I'm almost certain we can't use the article's subcategory (I've seen previous failed attempts to use Pitchfork the same way). Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 00:59, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * It is not a subcategory or a tag. It is explicity. "Genres: R&B/Soul". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I'm still uncertain about this, but since I can't find a policy, it should be alright. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Length, label, producer, discography, and single dates are all correct.

Lede

 * Why the use of "composers" instead of producers?
 * They wrote and produced the album. Henceforth such use. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:46, 28 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Move the last sentence of the first paragraph to the first sentence of the second paragraph, as that part speaks about composition/lyrics.
 * Source needed for soul genre.
 * See above. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:43, 28 May 2020 (UTC)


 * No need to list every artist he was inspired by, as the body will explain that. Change to "Mars was inspired to create an album on which he could capture the sound of 1990s R&B that he listened and danced to during his childhood."
 * Remove or improve on "He wanted to make people dance." as it's only mentioned once in the body and not elaborated on.
 * Versace "charted moderately", but where?
 * Need to write what it was "change of style" from. Mars' previous releases?
 * It's already there "many reviewers noticed the change of style, focusing on contemporary R&B". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:43, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Okay. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Remove "(2017–2018)" from after the tour, I don't believe it's part of the MOS to have years listed after tours.
 * According to MOS "Do not list all dates here, instead mention the range of dates (ex. June–September 1992)." MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 00:43, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 00:59, 28 May 2020 (UTC)

Background

 * What's the difference between background and the below recording subsection? I would suggest incorporating the two into "Background and recording" if a distinction between the two can't be made.
 * Once you read you will understand the difference. Mainly the background has the inspirations for the album, what other producers, he worked, thought about Mars intentions and vision for it...On the other hand, the actual recording process is there. Studio, time it took, mixing, mastering, how the songs were created and so on. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Any part about the recording process with specific collaborators should be in the "Recording" subsection, no? I understand that the "Background" should be about influences, thank you for explaining. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:22, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Do you think some sportion should be in there? Ater all you are the reviewer. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:11, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I believe the paragraph about Fauntleroy, Skrillex, and T-Pain would be better in the Recording subsection. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 19:51, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I completely missed this, I moved to the third paragraph, not sure where it would fit better. Either the third or the fourth one. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 22:01, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "some details of the new album" → "some details of a new album"
 * "hinting he was" → "hinting that he was"
 * it is the same. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I believe that would be improper grammar. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Introduce Mark Ronson as a British-American musician
 * Combine first two paragraphs into one
 * Nationality/occupation introduction for Andrew Wyatt, Jamareo Artis, and Missy Elliott
 * "Missy Elliott but" → "Missy Elliott, but"
 * Introduce Zane Lowe
 * "Mars said for the third album he "wanted to make a movie. A real movie. I told myself"; he also said the album is filled with 1990s influences" → "Mars said that his third album was filled with 1990s influences." No need for that quote, it adds nothing.
 * This scrapped movie belongs in the "Release and promotion" subsection. I will relook at that section in more detail once that split is done.
 * "Mars said his imaginary movie is set in New York during a summer night at the "baddest rooftop house party. 2:30 in the morning, the band comes out, fucking dipped in Versace. The girls are screaming." Mars said he was unaware of the movie's plot, adding; "it's about a Versace-wearing pimp"." → "Mars said the imaginary movie was set in New York during a summer night rooftop party. He said he was unaware of the movie's plot, but that it was about "a Versace-wearing pimp." Trimmed the details, and note the added wikilinks.
 * I have to disagree, it doesn't belong there for sure. It is not a real movie, "Mars said his imaginary movie", it wasn't scrapped or anything...it was a "trick" he used (his words) to get him to write the album. If you want I can add that, it will be more clear. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Yes, please make it more clear. Right now, it reads that he was making a video album and describing an actual plot. Cut the "A real movie" quote. Say that Mars was inspired by a fictional film plot. Something like... "Mars said the third album was inspired by a non-existent movie that he visualized. He said it featured "a Versace-wearing pimp" in New York during a summer night rooftop party." Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 01:55, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Addressed with minor changes.
 * What's the change? I'm still seeing the unncessary "A real movie" quote. The word "confessed" has too many implications too. If you're starting to talk about the movie, you need to complete the thought. There should be no interjection about 1990's influence. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:25, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Sorry about that, I forgot to remove it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 13:39, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Link school balls to Prom.
 * Remove "...saying "So many things go into getting the right swing". Too detailed.
 * "The singer was inspired by his passion "for R&B acts"; he said; "that is the spirit we were hoping to capture on this album ... it was all about the live show and the kind of party I want to throw"." Find a way to rephrase this to not just be a quote.
 * Good work.


 * The line about Babyface seems to divulge into too much detail beyond the article's scope
 * Introduce James Fauntleroy properly
 * "That's What I Like" but → "That's What I Like", but
 * The sentence about Fauntleroy isn't clear. Was he invited just to write on one song, and ended up writing for more of the album?
 * Yes. Tried to make it more clear.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Remove the "Fauntleroy said; "Bruno is the core..." sentence, it's too much detail.
 * ❌ It is important, but I can reprashe it if you want. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 15:33, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * How is it important? It adds nothing to understanding the background of the album. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * He is showing how both of them are a substantial portion of the sound it was created. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:36, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * It's fine. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 19:51, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I made a small cahnge there, remove a portion of the quote, see if its better. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 20:46, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Combine the first two sentences about Skrillex into one and use less quotes.
 * Last two sentences should be incorporated into "Release and promotion" subsection.
 * It doesn't fit there. Release and promotion are about the performances and singles issued to the point of the album release. Not regarding the sound they were isitant or a private listening party.
 * Fine. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Production and composition

 * Split "Recording", "Music and lyrics", and "Cover" into its own sections.

Recording

 * Introduce Lawrence and Brown
 * Remove "his third studio album," because we know what 24K Magic is.
 * "to create a song he needs" → "to create a song, he needs"
 * "revelead" → "revealed" (typo)
 * Wikilinks to instruments
 * Is it really necessary? People know what an instrument is and he is not being specific about a strange instrument, just piano, drum machine and guitar. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:30, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Fine. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "He also believes the clothes make the album..." What clothes? It's not clear what this is about and how it relates to recording.
 * Read the full sentence. It is there. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:30, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * It's still unclear, but I get what it's suppose to mean. I suggest "He imposed a dress code in the studio during recording, favoring jewelry and "fine clothes" over sweatpants." Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:23, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Lawrence said" → "Lawrence said,"
 * "He furthered that playing new songs live while recording helped." End sentence. Trim down on the use of quotes.
 * Remove "For instance,"
 * "remixed, however, Mars" → "remixed, though Mars"
 * "Mars started to write the song a long time ago never finishing it." Missing a word somewhere here.
 * Regarding "Too Good to Say Goodbye", Mars started to write the song a long time ago never finishing it. Nevertheless, when Babyface heard the chorus on the piano he wanted to finish it, Mars said the process "was old-school; sitting down on the piano and we built this song." → "Mars took a long time to write "Too Good to Say Goodbye". It was not complete until Babyface heard the chorus, encouraging the former to complete the song. They built the song together with a piano." Less quotes, proper flow.
 * Introduce the Stereotypes
 * "They had known Mars and worked with him since 2007" → "They have worked with Mars since 2007"
 * "Nevertheless, in 2015" → "Nevertheless, in 2015,"
 * Introduce Jonathan Yip, and how he relates to the Stereotypes
 * "Since the singer was already recording 24K Magic, Mars asked for "some beats" and Yip sent them. Later, he asked for more beats and The Stereotypes sent them, but they never heard from him, "nothing came of it"." → "The latter asked for "some beats" for 24K Magic, but "nothing came of it"." Simplify.
 * "In June 2016, Yip touched base with Mars. He asked Yip" → In June 2016, Mars asked Yip"
 * "and along with Shampoo Press & Curl created" → "and, along with Shampoo Press & Curl, created"
 * the "and" will be between two commas.
 * Find a way to fix the punctuation then. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * How does it look now? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:04, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Second review:
 * Wikilink mixing
 * Introduce Serban Ghenea
 * Introduce Charles Moniz
 * Please rewrite "Regarding the mixing process he said Mars was always close to it and as the album was getting a shape as it was mandatory for Mars "to sketch out his vision for the overall feel of the project."" it's not very clear.
 * Remove wikilink to Babyface, since he was introduced above.
 * Remove wikilink to "Finnesse" in third paragraph, already linked in second paragraph
 * Remove second wikilink to "That's What I Like" depending on where you merge the paragraph from the Background subsection

Music and lyrics

 * Remove soul unless you find a better source. It must explicitly describe the album as a soul record.
 * Show me the guidelnes, saying so and I will do it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:48, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * See above. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Mars ... sheds the reggae and new wave inspirations and goes all-out R&B"" Rephrase to not be a quote. "Mars abandoned his previous new wave and reggae sound for an "all-out R&B" effort."
 * Do not use definite "The funk tracks are...", saying the three are funk tracks and that "Finesse" is a new jack swing track.
 * I changed it, I'm not sure what you want me to do there? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:48, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Good.


 * "It also features" → "24K Magic also features" because many songs have been introduced since
 * Introduce Grandmaster Flash
 * I can introduce photographers, A&R, producers, and so on since it might not be clear who they are or what they do. You get the picture by reading the sentence it is an artist, since it talks about a track, further information there is a wikilink to it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:48, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I agree. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "machines; according" → "machines. According" Less semicolons
 * A.V. Club says nothing about the lyrics on "Chunky"
 * Say who described the influences found on "Perm", because it's not definite.
 * I don't understand. Do you want me to mention the publication? Both publications have diferent parts of the sentence. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:48, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Yes, mention publication and author. Do the same for "Calling All My Lovelies". Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 17:53, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Introduce Brown, Rodger, and R. Kelly
 * per above
 * Okay. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:13, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink trap to Trap music
 * Halle Berry's nationality
 * "standard edition "Too Good To Say Goodbye" includes" → "standard edition, "Too Good To Say Goodbye", includes"
 * Introduce Cardi B, Salt-N-Pepper, Heavy D
 * Once you mention Cardi B is a rapper, you get the idea the other two are rappers as well from the sentence, "with a flow and rhyme resembling..." MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:49, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I agree. Thanks. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:27, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Second review:
 * Remove wikilink and year for "Uptown Funk"

Cover art

 * Introduce Greg, if possible, and Kai.
 * Any ideas how to do it? Since "which was photographed by chinese phographer Kai Z Feng", doesn't strike me as GA c/e material. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:12, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * "which was shot by Chinese photographer" Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:05, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "the "1995 [sic] Cadillac Allanté convertible"" → "the Cadillac Allanté convertible" so we can avoid correcting Mars' own words.
 * I don't seem to understand, but there is no car on the cover art? "When they were creating the cover art, Mars decided the man driving the car..."
 * "coming up with the packaging, it was like, ‘What’s the guy who drives this wearing? He’s wearing the best silk s**t he owns! And he thinks he’s doing something extra-fancy in shorts!’ That’s who’s driving it. I bought that car, by the way. I had to have it.”" → reference six. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:12, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * What can I do here? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:38, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Find a way to say that a car was considered during the development of the cover art. Make it clear that it was part of the process, but not the final design.
 * I tried to improve it. The point is that he thought what is guy behind the wheels of the cadillac wearing, doing and so on...I guess the clothing was the ultimate influence taken from it. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:12, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Promotion

 * Remove wikilink and year for "Uptown Funk"

Singles

 * This should be a subsubsection under "Release and promotion".
 * You just need to introduce people's nationality/occupation, but other than that, looks good.
 * Which people? Bobby Brown and so on? its says it resembles their sound, so not sure but what they can be besides artists. I will add the occupation for A&R, other staff, producers and so on...nobody does that for artists.
 * Okay. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:04, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Second review:
 * Remove wikilink to disc jockey, term is well-known. Maybe even abbreviate to DJ, as was done for Skrillex.
 * Remove wikilink to Bobby Brown, he's introduced above

Critical reception
Second review:
 * Good work.
 * Remove wikilink to AllMusic and The Independent, already introduced above
 * Remove wikilink to Charles Moniz, introduced above. (also, wikilink him in Background remove the wikilink and introduction in "Recording"
 * Change "60th Grammy Awards" to "2018 Grammy Awards", removing wikilink because it was already introduced

Commercial performance

 * Again, good work.

Track listing

 * There are two Lawrences. Abbreviate Philip as "P. Lawrence" to avoid confusion with Trevor.
 * I can see where are you coming from, but I have to disagree since one is "Lawrence" and the other is "Lawrence Jr". If it was the later one would always have written "Lawrence Jr". Moreover, Philip is always between Mars and Brown name. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:44, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Fair enough. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 19:51, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Shorten Mars' name on Blu-Ray track 2.
 * Shouldn't I do the same for the others? Body Brown, Philp Lawerence, The Sterotypes crew and so on? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:44, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Yes. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 17:50, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Add in the note parameter for Blu-Ray track 13 "Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars" to indicate that it is not a Mars song. Remove the wikilink to Ronson as a songwriter.
 * Remove Halle Berry from the notes, this is already listed under personnel with the other background vocalists.

Personnel

 * Wikilink all of Byron "Mr. TalkBox" Chambers to Mr. TalkBox, not just the nickname.
 * "Credits adapted from the liner notes of 24K Magic." should be at the top of this subsection.
 * I do have Bruno Mars twice on this section. Is that fine? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:46, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Yes, that's fine. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 17:50, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Second review:
 * Remove stylization for Shmuel Dolla $ign.
 * He appears like this in the album liner notes. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 20:34, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Charts/Certifications/Release History

 * All good.

Other comments

 * Thanks for adding the tour photo, please add alt text. Is it possible for you to also add an audio sample? Thanks.
 * Please ping me once you've addressed all comments listed above. I will then go through a second review and hopefully pass this. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 18:22, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I'm done. What sample are you thinking? I have available the samples of the five singles. Maybe the sample of 24K Magic or That's What I Like? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:20, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Either one or both, since they were high-charting singles. I'll look over the article now. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 19:24, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Where should I add the sample of "24K Magic"? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:34, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Music and lyrics subsection. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 20:05, 29 May 2020 (UTC)

Reviewing process
There are several ❌ parameters, more than ten. When are we going to address such? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:51, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed the infobox and lede. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 20:59, 27 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed background. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 00:58, 28 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed recording. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 01:55, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed music and lyrics. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:37, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed cover art. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:43, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed singles. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:45, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I will be going back to them as I continue reviewing. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:10, 29 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Reviewed the rest of the subsections. Will be going through references soon. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:24, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Reviewed references. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 18:21, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 18:22, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Second review. Please ping me after final fixes are done. Thanks! Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 20:05, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I believe I have address the issues you raised. I might have missed something. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 20:41, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Just need to move one of the paragraphs from Background to Recording, and remove one of the wikilinks to "That's What I Like". Stylization for Shmuel Dolla $ign still needs to be removed, as we don't stylize Ty Dolla $ign or A$AP Rocky despite what their liner notes say. Good work on the audio file, please add to its description that 24K Magic is the lead single (with a wikilink). I made minor fixes to the Cover Art too. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 21:36, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Take a look to those changes and others in the lead. It was overlink. Not sure if you want to trim something in the recording section.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 22:01, 29 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Congrats. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 22:07, 29 May 2020 (UTC)