Talk:24K Magic World Tour/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 18:16, 8 July 2020 (UTC)

Taking this for review soon! Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:16, 8 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Have you forgotten? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:50, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Hey there! I have not forgotten about this, I just had some things to do the past days. I'm free next week though, so I'll be able to complete this. Hope you can understand. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 17:30, 18 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks. There is no problem whatsoever, I was just wondering. Kind regards, MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 14:54, 19 July 2020 (UTC)

Lead

 * In Latin America DNCE → comma after "America"
 * were selected to open for Mars → this part is not needed
 * included several music festivals → included appearances at several music festivals
 * in Lisbon, Portugal → since you don't say where exactly in Netherlands the other festival was held, there is no need to name Portugal in the lead either
 * You mean Lisbon is not needed, Portugal is the country. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:36, 19 July 2020 (UTC)

✅ to this point. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:36, 19 July 2020 (UTC)
 * The first paragraph needs to include when the world tour commenced and ended; there is no info about this at the moment
 * In 2018, Mars announced leg in North America → so this leg is an additional leg that followed after the ones mentioned in the first paragraph, right? This needs to be reworded a bit then.
 * which featured Cardi B as the supporting act. She wanted to spend more time with her newborn baby, however, and was replaced by Boyz II Men, Ciara, Ella Mai and Charlie Wilson → which was initially to feature Cardi B; however, she was replaced by Boyz II Men, Ciara, Ella Mai and Charlie Wilson since she wanted to raise her newborn baby.
 * The show's set list consisted of songs from Doo-Wops & Hooligans (2010), Unorthodox Jukebox (2012) and 24K Magic and the Mark Ronson/Mars collaboration "Uptown Funk" (2014). → I'm a bit confused—is this for the whole tour or just the leg that is talked about in the second para?
 * The Hooligans should be wikilinked
 * He choreographed the show with Phil Tayag. Mars ended the show by performing "Locked out of Heaven" (2012) and "Uptown Funk" as an encore. → here as well: which "show" are you talking about? It is unclear
 * received a positive reception from music critics, who praised not only Mars' showmanship but also his guitar solos, as well as the stage production → received generally positive reviews from music critics, praising Mars' showmanship, as well as his guitar solos and the stage production
 * wikilink "music critics"
 * Others criticized the performance for being "over-polished" → This is not needed in the lead
 * Mars' shows attracted a wide-ranging audience of all age groups. The 24K Magic World Tour was reported to have grossed over $367 million, with Billboard Boxscore reporting a gross of $361 million → Mars' shows attracted a wide-ranging audience of all age groups, and grossed $361 million according to Billboard Boxscore
 * The wikilist of "highest gross tours" uses the overall gross from pollstar to every artist. Do you want me to remove the Billboard one? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:47, 19 July 2020 (UTC)


 * I have looked at things again: I have removed the Billboard numbers altogether. The Pollstar numbers are way more complete, while the addition of the Billboard source is just conflicting and unclear to the reader. Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:47, 19 July 2020 (UTC)

Infobox
✅
 * The image needs alternative text
 * US $367,7 million → This is confusing. You should state the exact number here and in the lead. Also why do we have Billboard reporting a gross of only $361 million according to Billboard? Hmm... maybe this question will get an answer as I keep on reviewing the article
 * Why is it confusing? Some shows were not reported, while others belong to festivals in which there is no lead performer so there is no way to know the amount each artists grossed as Billboard reports how much each show grossed and not artist. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:21, 19 July 2020 (UTC)

Background
❌ they aren't both monitor engineers, there are differences. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:17, 19 July 2020 (UTC) ✅ MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 18:17, 19 July 2020 (UTC)
 * were added bringing → comma before "bringing"
 * wikilink "YouTube"
 * choreographed the show → I see you're using "show" a lot in the article and this is rather confusing for the reader. Cause the tour consists of multiple shows and not only one. So I'd reword "the show" to "the tour here
 * choreographed the show.[6] LeRoy Bennett, the tour's producer and lighting designer, had first worked with Mars on the Moonshine Jungle Tour (2013-2014). → choreographer the tour, while production and lighting design was handled by LeRoy Bennett who had already worked with Mars on his Moonshine Jungle Tour (2013-2014).
 * Bennett noticed that Mars understands who he is as an artist and pays attention to detail. He feels this makes Mars stand out from other artists and it leads the "audience on a musical trip" → This is really unneded and we need to get rid of it.
 * Connect the sentence that's remained in the second paragaph to the first one
 * Chris Rabold, Mars wanted the show to look like the biggest party you could throw. He had a say in every aspect of the show, including sound, lights, and pyrotechnics. Rabold complemented Mars' "work ethic and attention to detail" → Chris Rabold, Mars had a say in every aspect of the tour's shows, and wanted them to look like "the biggest party [...] [throwable]".
 * During the summer of 2016, the FOH engineer was asked if he wanted to begin rehearsals for Mars' 24K Magic World Tour in Los Angeles. Monitor engineer Ramon Morales also received a call asking if he was interested in mixing the monitors for Mars. Rabold and Morales rehearsed at Center Staging in Burbank with the band alone. They then moved into Rock Lititz rehearsal facility, where they rehearsed the full production for a couple of weeks. According to Morales, practicing at Rock Lititz was beneficial as it was his first time using equipment made by Clair Global who were the tour's official audio provider. → Rehearsals for the 24K Magic World Tour commenced at Center Staging in Burbank in the summer of 2016 with The Hooligans alone (I assume you mean them by "the band"), and also featured the involvement monitor engineer Ramon Morales who mixed the monitors for Mars. The aforementioned then moved into the Rock Lititz rehearsal facility for further work on the tour's production, which lasted a couple of weeks, and made use of equipment made by Clair Global who were the tour's official audio provider
 * On May 2, 2017, Mars partnered with Heineken to help with their "Cities Project" by offering tickets for shows in select cities on the U.S. leg of his tour. To access these tickets, fans had to select a project to support on the Indiegogo crowdfunding platform, which had been identified by Heineken and the National Trust for Historic Preservation for their potential to improve the city where they were located. In return for a $150 donation, fans could obtain tickets. Mars stated, "I really like what The Heineken Cities Project is doing around the country, and they've put a big emphasis on my home state of Hawaii, so I was happy to support them and Indiegogo through my tour" → On May 2, 2017, Mars partnered with Heineken for selling tickets to his shows in selected cities during his US tour leg. Fans were able to obtain tickets by donating $150 to Heineken's Cities Project, which was meant to improve US cities, via the Indiegogo crowdfunding platform.
 * and Kuala Lumpur → just simply say the country, Malaysia
 * The last paragraph before "Sound and light" is very superfluous, and should be removed
 * Chris Rabold and Ramon Morales, front of house (FOH) and monitor engineer, respectively, used → Monitor engineers Rabold and Morales used
 * Rabold used the console to mix the band's sound → This can be removed
 * The Hooligans used Sennheiser 9000 series → Too many "used"; write "ultilized" instead here
 * while Mars used the Sennheiser 5235 → while Mars a Sennheiser 5235
 * So many "used" in the rest of this section; please try to find alternatives and reword.

Hmm... The article almost needs to be rewritten completely, but don't worry—we'll get there. This is the first part of my review. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 16:01, 19 July 2020 (UTC)
 * The Lead and Background section are finished now. Looking forward to continuing this review tomorrow. Cartoon network freak (talk) 19:18, 19 July 2020 (UTC)

Concert synopsis

 * opened with Anderson Paak performing his songs.[15] Paak drummed and sang simultaneously → Paak, who drummed and sang simultaneously (I don't think we need the 'his songs' part since that's kida clear)
 * the Latin America leg of the tour began with DNCE as the opening act and ended with Bebe Rexha and Nick Jonas as supporting acts → too many repetitions of "act"; remove "as the opening act" and "as supporting acts" altogether
 * All the concerts in Oceania were set to be opened by Lipa.[20] However, she had to cancel four shows due to dental issues → Initially, all concerts in Oceania were scheduled to be opened by Lipa, however, the latter cancelled four due to dental issues and was subsequently replaced by XY
 * remove the following sentence
 * legs of the tour Mars had several opening acts → comma after "acts"
 * ❌ already there? MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:43, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * appeared at select shows[22][23][24] replacing Cardi B → appeared on selected occasions, replacing...
 * as she wanted to spend more time with her newborn baby → as she wanted to raise her newborn baby
 * Was this black curtain thing present at every show during the tour?
 * Yes. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 11:43, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * A giant black curtain decorated with a crown rose at the front of the stage to reveal his band, The Hooligans, before they began to play.[26] Words appeared on side screens, asking if everyone was ready to "get hot and sweaty" as Mars and The Hooligans had come "all this way to turn you on" → For all shows, a giant black curtain was used to introduce Mars' band, The Hooligans, followed by words appearing on side screens, asking if everyone was ready to "get hot and sweaty" (the other parts are not needed)
 * changing colorful pulsing tower → I believe "changing" should be left out since it's kind of the same as "pulsating"
 * and fireworks could be seen and heard → and were complemented by fireworks
 * We gonna have some fun tonight!". He and his band kept the dancing going with the disco-funk "Treasure" and "Perm" → tonight!", before continuing dancing to "Treasure" and "Perm"
 * During "Perm" Mars invited his → During the latter song, Mars...
 * Mars invited his fans to take pictures, posing with the hooligans after stopping the show → Mars invited his fans to take pictures with him and The Hooligans. (Do you think this encapsulates the meaning of the sentence?)
 * That sounds like his fans were in stage taking pictures with them..which is not true. ❌ MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:22, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * showed Mars' playing → no '
 * I think you forgot something? ❌ MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:22, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * What do you exactly mean by "racier"?
 * I do believe the reviewer ment something in the vein of lewd, suggestive. However, he wrote "racier". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:22, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * with Mars and his band sounding like Boyz II Men → is this what they intended to sound like or is it what critics said?
 * but despite addressing a "risqué" subject the song came out as "family-friendly and inoffensive" →, which featured a "risqué" subject matter, but was deliverey in a "family friendly..." way
 * continued in this vein with → "in this vein" is not needed here
 * with golden lighting and purple beacons → is this happening in the background? maybe mention it for more clarity
 * ❌ Source is not clear, "He closed out the “24K Magic” section on a riser with gold lighting and purple lasers on “Versace on the Floor.”". Moreover, the lasers come from the backgound and the "gold lighting" is on the platform and on the huge panels that come from above. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:22, 21 July 2020 (UTC)


 * comma after "Marry You"
 * the former → the formers (since we're talking The Hooligans)
 * ❌ Mars was playing the guitar, not the whole band.


 * The singer got the crowd dancing with the pop-rock electronic influenced boogie "Runaway Baby". At this point, Mars and his band would show their dance moves. Critics compared their "pelvic moves" → On the subsequent "Runaway Baby", Mars and his band showcased "pelvic" dance moves that critics compared to...
 * The lights dimmed with only a bass solo being played → is this happening after the song is over? or during the song? state to clarify
 * after saying "this song means a lot to me" → this in unecessary detail
 * At this time, the audience waved their cell phone flashlights → same as above. this depends on the crowd and not the tour itself
 * before the encore with the audience singing along → remove everything after "with"; also link encore
 * At this point Mars and his band would thank the audience for giving them the chance to perform for them and leave the stage → again, unecessary detail
 * For the encore they returned → For the latter, they
 * The first encore, "Locked Out of Heaven", reached its peaks as golden confetti poured down on the audience. → The first, "Locked...", was aided by golden confetti being poured down on the audience
 * The show closer, "Uptown Funk", left the crowd "electrified" with the "uptown funk you up!" portion. Towards the end of the song, fireworks, and smoke appeared with "firemen" using fire extinguishers to put it out. → The closing "Uptown Funk" utilized fireworks and smoke, which prompted "firemend" to appear and use fire extinguishers to put it out
 * Also there needs to be more clarity on the "firemen"; are you talking just about dancers dressed up like that?
 * ❌ I have no clue, they are not part of the band.


 * Throughout the tour various setlists were used → Throughout the tour, various modified setlists were used
 * a mash-up of "Nothin' On You" → and a mash-up of "Nothin' On You"...
 * what was mashed up with "Nothin' On You"?


 * Another section. Cartoon network freak (talk) 11:31, 21 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Address most issues, added some stuff and left some questions. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 12:22, 21 July 2020 (UTC)

Critical response

 * The tour received positive reviews from critics → critics, who commented on selected shows (or something like that to indicate that the reviews are saying stuff not about the whole tour but about some dates)
 * rated the show four stars → rated a show four stars
 * In fact, I will not furhter comment on that here, but please do this for all reviews.
 * Jesse Sendejas Jr., writing for the Houston Press said → comma after press
 * in a show which attracted a wide-ranging audience of all age groups and cultures → which, according to her, ...
 * his Michael Jackson dance skills → his Michael Jackson-esque dance skills
 * If MJ, Prince and James Brown → If [Jackson]...
 * Link karat
 * called Mars' and The Hoolligans' → the ' after Mars is not needed
 * Kwan finished adding → Kwan resumed by adding,
 * Madelyn Tait praised the concert writing → a concert
 * lauded the show writing, "Mars does more than → lauded Mars "do[ing] more than
 * to be the highlight of the show → to be the highlight in the specific performances they commented on
 * also references need to be in numerical order
 * believed were some "less polished moments → believed there were...
 * but they felt not an accident. → but opined they were not accidental
 * saying that Mars has → had
 * McCormick praised the choreography, vocal harmonies, that were inspired by → He praised the choreography and the vocal harmonies, which he felt were inspired by
 * Unlink Prince and James Brown since you have already mentioned them before
 * outfits saying they looked like → outfits, saying they made them look like
 * perform funk, rock and romantic songs → perform a variety of genres
 * noting he has not → noting he had not
 * But how was her review mixed then? Did she say anything negative? Please state
 * I fixed it, by the way it is "his". MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:39, 22 July 2020 (UTC)


 * Mars' showmanship saying he put → comma after "showmanship"
 * found some of the material like "Marry You" or "The Lazy Song" to be "dated" compared with the sound → found songs like "Marry You" or "The Lazy Song" to be "dated" when compared to the sound
 * Unlink the album
 * sound of 24K Magic and felt that "all the ingredients → sound of 24K Magic. She concluded, saying that "all..."
 * Critics noticed and praised Mars' showmanship, his guitar skills and the stage production → remove this sentence, and add the three references right after the similar sentence in the lead
 * ❌ It is in the correct paragraph on the body of the article and I added to the lead to make a point. Per Manual of Style/Lead section, "Because the lead will usually repeat information that is in the body, editors should balance the desire to avoid redundant citations in the lead with the desire to aid readers in locating sources for challengeable material." In this case it will be redundant. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 22 July 2020 (UTC)


 * I feel like the text after "Accolades" should be removed. It's a description of something that is really obvious
 * For the table, unlink Billboard Music Awards on its second use
 * ❌ It's a different year of the show, the 2018 show and the 2019 awards. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 22 July 2020 (UTC)


 * I fixed things on the synopsis section, and have now reviewed this section. Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 17:01, 22 July 2020 (UTC)
 * I saw it and I agree with those fixes. Only two fixes I didn't address as explained above. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 17:50, 22 July 2020 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * Link "Billboard"


 * According to Billboard, the tour which sold 659,190 tickets at 42 concerts in 32 cities in North America, earned $76 million. Chicago's United Center, where Mars performed three shows, sold out each one with a total of 47,942 tickets, earning $6.3 million. In London's O2 Arena, the concerts in April earned a total of $6.6 million → According to an October 2017 Billboard article, the tour had sold 659,190 tickets at 42 concerts in 32 cities in North America, and earned $76 million in revenue. Part of that were three sold-out shows at United Center in Chicago, which moved $6.3 million, and furthermore concerts at O2 Arena in London earned $6.6 million. (The other details are not needed)
 * in Latin America bringing in $37.4 million → comma before "bringing"
 * In Asia, the show, produced by Live Nation, sold out 14 concerts in seven cities → In Asia, 14 Live Nation-produced shows had been sold out in seven cities (btw, is Live Nation worth mentioning here? Did they only produce the shows in Asia?)
 * They produced everything, the entire tour. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:02, 22 July 2020 (UTC)


 * seven cities. In Japan, the tour → seven cities, while in Japan, the tour
 * In May 2017, Mars broke Beyoncé's New Zealand concert attendance record. She had sold 44,596 tickets, while Mars sold 48,783 tickets for four sold-out concerts at Spark Arena in Auckland → Mars broke Beyonce's NZ concert att rec in May 2017, surpassing her 44,596 ticket sales with 48,783 tickets sold for four...
 * Unlink Michael Jackson
 * who performed two nights for 50,000 people there → is this for botch U2 and Jackson? if so, then explicitly state
 * the biggest touring act → the biggest-touring act
 * he ranked in the Top 10 Tours for the second year in a row → he ranked in the top ten tours (except if Top 10 Tours is a specific list which they publish)
 * was reported to have grossed over $367,7 million → I would explicity state that this gross was over 2 years (so that it's obvious)
 * with Billboard Boxscore reporting a gross of $361 million → remove this
 * Huge ticket reselling activities occurred after Mars announced his first concert at the Aloha Stadium in Hawaii, with bots used to buy thousands of tickets which were then resold on third party sites. At that time, a second show was announced. People began reselling those tickets before they had even received them, knowing they would get them at some point in the future. This phenomenon is called phantom selling. → For Mars' [MONTH, YEAR] concert in Hawaii, widespreach ticket reselling activities occurred, with bots being used to buy thousands of tickets. (honestly I don't think further explanation is needed here, the paragraph is just overly long. Also, please connect it to the anterior paragraph)


 * Another section. Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:52, 22 July 2020 (UTC)
 * All the issues have been amended. I reprashed the last sentence. Beucase it was different in the second show.MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 19:45, 22 July 2020 (UTC)

Set list

 * We need to remain consistent throughout the article, so change "Set list" to "Set list" in the section's title and body
 * I belive you ment "setlist", instead of set list. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:47, 24 July 2020 (UTC)

✅
 * during the first concert in Antwerp → during the tour first concerts in...
 * on select dates → on selected dates
 * during his second date in Rio de Janeiro → during Mars'...
 * only sung during his second date → only sung during Mars'...
 * In the "Notes", unlink every song that you've already mentioned in other sections of the article

Shows

 * List of concerts, showing date, city, country, venue, opening act, tickets sold, amount of available tickets and gross revenue → Replace this with List of Leg X – Xn concerts (it's rather unclear what these shows are part of at the moment)
 * I'm not sure what you mean, as that is below "List of Leg 1 – European concerts". They are part of the tour. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:55, 24 July 2020 (UTC)


 * Replace all "N/A"s with N/A
 * I would if I could, but if I try to do so, the table gives an error if there is more than one concert. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:55, 24 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Another two sections. Cartoon network freak (talk) 18:36, 24 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Section above it is done, in this section I'm havving trouble. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:55, 24 July 2020 (UTC)

Personnel

 * There is an unneeded space between "Management" and the refs
 * Also, after "Management", the refs need to be in numerical order
 * All people need to be sorted by their LAST names; it seems like at the moment the names are randomly listed


 * I have done some further fixes on the anterior sections, and now here's something for this one. Checking the notes and references tomorrow. AND... please make sure the refs in "Shows" are in numerical order!! Greets; Cartoon network freak (talk) 09:18, 25 July 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅, cheers. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 21:29, 25 July 2020 (UTC)