Talk:8701/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Bruce Campbell (talk · contribs) 00:36, 5 August 2012 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this article. Bruce Campbell (talk) 00:36, 5 August 2012 (UTC)

Background


 * * The first sentence is a little awkward and seems like it flow better split up. -> "Usher had initially planned to release the album entitled All About U, as his third studio album on October 31, 2000, following My Way (1997) which to date, has sold over seven million copies." -> Try something like "Usher had initially planned to release the album entitled All About U, as his third studio album on October 31, 2000. The album was to follow his successful My Way (1997) which to date, has sold over seven million copies."
 * ✅ Changed sentence to your suggestion.
 * * Though multiple tracks from the album had leaked on to online music store Napster several months prior to its release, on March 13, 2000; the leaked songs include "T.T.P.", "U R the One" and "Pop Ya Collar" -> "On March 13, 2000, multiple tracks from the album had leaked on to online music store Napster several months prior to its release, including "T.T.P.", "U R the One" and "Pop Ya Collar" would be a better way to phrase it
 * ✅ Changed sentence to your suggestion.
 * * Wikilink Janet Jackson and MTV Icon
 * ✅ Wikilinked.
 * * "Usher explained the he returned to the studios to record new songs "I didn't want that to be the way my..." should be changed to -> "Usher explained the he returned to the studios to record new songs, stating "I didn't want that to be the way my..."
 * ✅ Changed sentence to your suggestion.
 * * Why [new] and not just new?
 * ✅ Removed the brackets, don't really know why they're there.

Recording
 * * "Jam commented that "[His] mom said: "Oh my God, Usher's got this track and we thought you guys would be perfect to produce it"" -> According to Jam, his mother had said "Oh my God, Usher's got this track and we thought you guys would be perfect to produce it"
 * ✅ Changed sentence to your suggestion.
 * * Not to nitpick; but uncapatilize the "We" towards the end
 * ✅ Sure, uncapatilized.

Composition


 * * About the first sentence, is his "soul"? A little awkward. I would suggest either that the album lyrically "represents" his soul or was written from his soul.
 * ✅ Yeah that is kinda awkward, replaced with "represents".
 * * Put a ";" after heartache to denounce when he is speaking.
 * ✅ Placed semi-colon.
 * * Some of the references are placed a little awkwardly, for example following a semi-colon is a reference. In particular, "U Don't Have to Call" is a hip-hop song[9] inspired by Jackson,[7] while "U Got It Bad" is an R&B slow-jam;[10] Kyle Anderson of MTV wrote that it makes use of the acoustic guitar and a "slow-burning bassline" throughout.[10] -> Should be more like "U Don't Have to Call" is a hip-hop song inspired by Jackson, while "U Got It Bad" is an R&B slow-jam. [7][9][10] About "U Got it Bad", Kyle Anderson of MTV wrote that it makes use of the acoustic guitar and a "slow-burning bassline" throughout.[10]
 * ✅ Moved references and altered text.

Tour


 * * I looked through the article's history and I'm aware that a merger recently took place, combining the information from the album's tour page into this one. That being said, the tour section in the current article is one paragraph long, and is followed by rather large graph. Considering the length of the graph and the fact that the article doesn't really go into intricate detail about the tour, I would suggest removing it, since the entirety of the information can be found from reference 35 anyway. Either that, or use { hidden }. Whatever is fine with the editor, just a suggestion to reduce the size.
 * ✅ Collapsed the table.

Reception


 * * Un wiki-link Michael Jackson since it's linked elsewhere. Also, unlink Janet Jackson.
 * ✅ Un wikilinked.

Overall the article is in quality condition and once these concerns are addressed, the article will be passed. Bruce Campbell (talk) 01:06, 5 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, I think everything's done.  Rayman 95 |undefined (talk) 13:00, 5 August 2012 (UTC)

Passed then. Bruce Campbell (talk) 23:10, 5 August 2012 (UTC)