Talk:A Journal of a Voyage to the South Seas/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Dracophyllum (talk · contribs) 21:10, 22 January 2022 (UTC)

Hello, I'm happy to review this gan. Comments to follow  Draco phyllum  21:10, 22 January 2022 (UTC)

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Some Initial comments, mostly on prose and images.  Draco phyllum  23:32, 22 January 2022 (UTC)


 * All excellent feedback that I will start working on soon. —Kusma (talk) 07:46, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * I have made a few changes. Would you like to take another look @Dracophyllum? —Kusma (talk) 17:05, 23 January 2022 (UTC)

Lede
The lede needs to be expanded to include information from the last section and also a summary of the book's content – these can be added in the second paragraph.
 * Added a bit. ✅

Background and publication
Maybe "Parkinson fell ill with malaria and dysentery contracted at Jakarta, then Batavia,"
 * Could you wikilink Quaker in this first instance?
 * Done ✅
 * could this be adjusted for inflation using Template:Inflation
 * Done ✅
 * is "complete" maybe a better word here?
 * Not sure; I think the intended meaning is that there does not exist a single, connected original text, but just a collection of disparate papers.
 * I see you have wikilinked it, but it would probably be better just to clarify it as Jakarta.
 * Done (the other way round) ✅
 * Could you clarify who John Fothergill is in relation to Banks and Parkinson? Maybe a colleague?
 * Done, with direct link to the source that is online in full text ✅
 * adjust for inflation as well
 * Done ✅
 * Might be clearer with some different punctuation. Maybe: "Banks allowed him to borrow some of his brother's papers under a strict promise, negotiated by Fothergill, not to misuse them."
 * Clarified (apparently it was Fothergill who made the promise). ✅
 * clarify what is meant by this
 * Done ✅
 * Could you put a paragraph break somewhere in the Background and publication section? I think maybe after, but you can decide.
 * Broke one sentence earlier ✅
 * one word explanation of who they are here.
 * Done ✅


 * Thank you, this is very helpful feedback. I've been reading too much about these people recently and lack the necessary distance to know what is general knowledge and what is not.

Content

 * Could be made clearer with the use of colons, semi-colons, and commas.
 * Tried to clarify. At some point in the future, I hope to expand this similar to the approach in A Voyage Round the World, but it may take a while.


 * link
 * Done.
 * I'm assuming this is genera? Link that as well.
 * Done, the redirect links to a section that says "the scientific name of a genus is called the generic name".


 * Split into two sentences after the quote and use emdashes "–" around "in the words of botanist ..." –.
 * Hope it is better now. Long sentences are very hard to avoid if one's native language is German, where they are considered good style.


 * For the engraving image captions, is it really worth maintaining their original captions instead of (or excluding) what we actually know them as today? For the Māori chief you can even see on just the commons description a fairly decent rundown of what it actually depicts.
 * Hmm, these are the titles that these works are discussed under in the scholarly literature. I've added a bit of description to the Maori.


 * I'm assuming you use the word "native" because it is in the source, but probably "indigenous people/s" is a more current wording?
 * Higher up, changed to "indigenous". For the engraving, that is the title used in the scholarly literature.


 * I have great difficulties with the botany. I'm trying my best, but essentially I feel more comfortable writing about history than about biology.

Reception and legacy

 * Glad you like it!

Images

 * Images are properly licensed and formatted, but I feel the captions could use some work (other comments stated in their sections). For instance, why is used over just cover of the book or book cover.
 * It is the frontispiece, not the book cover.
 * Another note, the caption of the world map should probably read: "The route of Cook's first voyage, which Parkinson took part in" or something like that.
 * Added something.
 * Other images you may want:, , and . Formatting can also be done using Template:Multiple image and galleries.
 * There's quite a lot at c:Category:A Journal of a Voyage to the South Seas, in His Majesty's Ship, the Endeavour, which is linked.

Stable
No obvious edit warring.  Draco phyllum  23:32, 22 January 2022 (UTC)

Other comments
Inline references to reliable sources, well formatted. Earwig turns up nothing.

Spot checking

 * Merril's comments are correct ✅


 * It was unprecedented in a voyage narrative ✅


 * The article is focused and broad in its coverage, since it contains both the sections needed for a book and is in parts detailed.

To FA

 * If you would like to go to FA at some point I think either of these quotes from the preface could be useful, though at present I'm not sure there is enough text to warrant them.  Draco phyllum  21:00, 23 January 2022 (UTC)


 * https://archive.org/details/captaincooksouth0000brit another source


 * Thank you! Yes, some juicy quotes should go in, as well as more background on Parkinson and the voyage, then a detailed retelling of the content of the book, and a more in-depth discussion of the role of the book in modern botanical nomenclature. Then there will be also more space for images from the book. I plan to first work on Sydney Parkinson and then revisit this.

Progress

 * One final holdup before I do some copyediting myself and pass the article, I couldn't understand from the article nor actually the source, what the relationship between Parkinson and Solander was, with respect to the botanical names. Did Parkinson copy Solander's work, or did Solander provide the names to Parkinson?
 * Usually, Banks, Parkinson and Solander were working together in the great cabin. I'll find a nicer source in a moment, but here's a bit from Beaglehole: "Down in the cabin, when activity on deck was impossible, Banks examined his specimens, Solander described, Parkinson drew, grabbing at his paints as the table tilted." The Linnean p. 3 "Once a drawing or painting had been completed by Parkinson, Solander made a note on the back of the name of the species while Banks noted the locality." So Solander provided the names, but not for an independent publication in the name of Sydney Parkinson. The work was supposed to go into Banks' Florilegium, but that kind of petered out after Solander's death. —Kusma (talk) 22:38, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * @User:Dracophyllum: I've put the Linnean source in for now (it is by a reliable scientist, but it is essentially just in the newsletter of the Linnean Society). I'll continue looking for a more authoritative source for the claim that Solander wrote the names on the backs of Parkinson's drawings. —Kusma (talk) 23:45, 23 January 2022 (UTC)
 * That will do; as long as the author is a published author on the subject matter then it doesn't really matter where they write.  Draco phyllum  00:14, 24 January 2022 (UTC)

Passing
Excellent work, meets GA criteria easily, though may need some more work for FA, so am passing now. If you can format it in, the quote in the quote box would be useful I think.  Draco phyllum  21:00, 24 January 2022 (UTC)


 * Thank you for the thorough review @Dracophyllum! I should probably quote from the Preface, and perhaps I can even use this quote in my current draft (started writing about Hawkesworth's book). Once there is more about that book for context, I'll see if the quote fits. —Kusma (talk) 21:14, 24 January 2022 (UTC)