Talk:A Written Testimony/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 10:44, 25 May 2020 (UTC)

So we meet again... will review this article shortly. --Kyle Peake (talk) 10:44, 25 May 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Switch hlist to being in * instead, since the former is not allowed to be used anymore
 * Wikilink Arabic to itself instead of the redirect target
 * Shouldn't the single release date be mentioned, not the non-single date?
 * Wikilink Arabic to itself
 * "follows the release of his debut mixtape" → "follows the release of Jay Electronica's debut mixtape" since we haven't said his name for two sentences
 * "It was primarily recorded" → "The former was primarily recorded"
 * "with Jay-Z and The-Dream" → "featuring vocals from Jay-Z and The-Dream"
 * "Most of the album's tracks" → "Most of the tracks on A Written Testimony"
 * "The album was met with widespread acclaim from critics" → "The album received widespread acclaim from music critics"
 * Think you could add a bit in the sentence about what was praised often?
 * Change anti-Semitic target to Antisemitism
 * "A Written Testimony debuted at number twelve" → "It debuted at number 12" or could end up as "The former debuted" depending on how you change reception
 * ✅ Languages kept with hlist because it doesn't work with *. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:33, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Background and recording

 * On img: "on eight of the album's ten tracks" → "on 8 of the album's 10 tracks" per MOS:NUM advice on comparative values
 * "Jay Electronica's debut project" → "Jay Electronica's debut mixtape"
 * "with the follow-up being entitled" → "with the follow-up being set to be entitled" since it was never actually released but this change is not WP:OR
 * "In September 2007," → "In September of that year,"
 * "he planned to create" → "he planned to create both"
 * Target Christmas Day to Christmas instead
 * Introduce Just Blaze as an American record producer
 * "confirmed that the album would miss this date" → "confirmed shortly later that the album would miss that date"
 * "his birthday September 19, 2010" → "his birthday, September 19, within that year" since you need to separate for showing the birth date properly and 2010 has been stated already within this sentence
 * "he signed to" → "Jay Electronica signed to"
 * Mention Jay-Z as who signed him in this sentence briefly
 * "Jay Electronica announced that" → "The former announced that"
 * "shared a track list in 2012" → "shared a track list the following year"
 * "Jay-Z, fellow American rappers" → "Jay-Z, fellow rappers" since no new nationality implies they're American
 * "The album was never" → "The album was ultimately never"
 * "on his album after" → "on his album, after"
 * Mention that Hall of Fame is an album by Big Sean
 * Target promotional single to Promotional recording
 * "controversial verse for the song" → "controversial verse for it"
 * "In 2017, he denounced the traditional roll-out of studio albums, stating" → "He denounced the traditional roll-out of studio albums in 2017, stating" to avoid too many sentences beginning with "In"
 * "that he completed his debut album" → "that he had completed his debut studio album," since this is the best place to introduce the "studio album" term
 * ""The Neverending Story" was" → "The track "The Neverending Story" was"
 * "A Written Testimony as a result of a trip he took to Argentina with American rapper Eminem" → "A Written Testimony, as a result of a trip he took to Argentina with rapper Eminem" and make sure to remove the wikilink on Argentina as it is too obvious
 * "the final track "A.P.I.D.T.A." on" → "the final track, "A.P.I.D.T.A.", on"
 * "40 days after recording" → "which was 40 days after recording" to specify the meaning
 * "to the album and that" → "to the album and"
 * ✅ Note that I used the term "studio album" twice, first to refer to Hall of Fame. Is that alright? Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 17:59, 27 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Yeah that's fine. --Kyle Peake (talk) 07:22, 28 May 2020 (UTC)

Music and composition

 * Mention the sampled track's position on the album
 * Wikilink refrain to itself
 * "to Jay Electronica's earlier discography due to its" → "to Jay Electronica's earlier releases, due to the"
 * "It incorporates ambient music, soul music, and samples of pop music." → "The album incorporates elements of ambient and soul music, and samples of pop music."
 * AllMusic shouldn't have a space in it
 * "the evolution of hip-hop"." → "the evolution of hip-hop.""
 * "the album's "unorthodox sonic tapestries"." → "the "unorthodox sonic tapestries" of A Written Testimony"
 * "uncredited appearance on eight out of ten tracks" → "uncredited appearances on 8 out of 10 tracks"
 * "with Kanye West" → "with West"
 * [18][22] should both only be invoked at the end of the sentence
 * Wikilink Arabic to itself
 * "throughout the album" → "throughout A Written Testimony"
 * Introduce J Dilla as an American record producer
 * "The latter sampled" → "The latter samples"
 * "as a "a somber" → "as including "a somber"
 * Remove target on Alchemist as you have already done that in the article
 * "piano-laced Alchemist beat"." → "piano-laced Alchemist beat.""
 * Target jazz to Jazz music
 * "Vashti Bunyan and echoed vocals by" → "Vashti Bunyan, and echoed vocals by"
 * "has been described as chaotic and messy.[13][14] It is built on a sped-up sample of Barbadian singer Rihanna.[14]" → "has been described as chaotic and messy, with the track being built on a sped-up sample of Barbadian singer Rihanna.[13][14]"
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:26, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Themes and lyrics

 * Mention the sampled track's position on the album
 * "back-and-forth delivery has" → "back-and-forth delivery on the song has"
 * Just keep as Kanye West without the introduction
 * Put [21][26] both at the end of the first sentence
 * "who appears throughout" → "the latter of which appears throughout"
 * "as the album's opening" → "as the opening to A Written Testimony"
 * "his own self-doubt while" → "his own self-doubt, while"
 * God should be capitalised and wikilinked to itself
 * "who suffered before them" → "who experienced unjustified suffering" since the source says nothing about those two suffering themselves
 * Target skeptics to Skepticism
 * "and aspirational.".[17]" → "and aspirational."[17]"
 * "He opens on" → "He has the opening lines on"
 * "and the former as prophets, rapping" → "and the former as prophets within the song, rapping:" and make sure to wikilink like I did here
 * "Jay Electronica makes a tongue-in-cheek" → "the former makes a tongue-in-cheek"
 * "in releasing his debut album, which took nearly thirteen years" → "in releasing A Written Testimony, which took nearly 13 years" since we know it's his debut already
 * [21][19] put in numerical order
 * "explained that he and Jay-Z" → "explained that him and Jay-Z"
 * "His verse is based on advice given to him by Sean Combs" → "The former's verse is based on advice given to him by Combs"
 * Wikilink political to Political hip hop
 * "is due to Allah"." → "is due to Allah.""
 * Put [14][17][26] at the end of the last sentence in this order
 * ✅ However, I did not wikilink/capitalize god because the Pitchfork article isn't talking about God proper. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:33, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Release and promotion

 * "parties for the album were" → "parties for A Written Testimony were" on the img text
 * "with a March 18, 2020 release date" → "with a release date of that year's March 18"
 * "in the studio with Jay Electronica" → "in the studio with the aforementioned" since you don't want to say his name too much but can't state the former
 * "Jay-Z and Lawrence "Law" Parker" → "Jay-Z, and Lawrence "Law" Parker"
 * Add Streaming media target on streaming service
 * "three listening parties for the album" → "three listening parties for it"
 * "parties on March 12" → "parties on March 12 of that year"
 * "the album would be released on March 13, 2020 after the listening parties" → "A Written Testimony would be released the day after the listening parties"
 * Remove Arabic language wikilink
 * "included ten tracks with" → "includes 10 tracks, with"
 * "on "Ezekiel's Wheel" and "Shiny Suit Theory"" → "on "Ezekiel's Wheel", as well as "Shiny Suit Theory""
 * "Tidal revealed the album's cover art" → "Tidal simultaneously revealed the album's cover art
 * "The cover art was photographed" → "The artwork was photographed"
 * "previewed the album prior to its release through" → "previewed A Written Testimony prior to its release, via"
 * Remove wikilink on Instagram
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 16:38, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Singles

 * This doesn't require its own sub-section as the section is only one para and there's just the one single that was released
 * Mention the exact release date of the song and that it features vocals from The-Dream too (in the first sentence for both I mean)
 * ""Dinner at Tiffanys (The Shiny Suit Theory)" featuring" → ""Dinner at Tiffanys (The Shiny Suit Theory)", featuring"
 * "Jay-Z and The-Dream" → "Jay-Z, and The-Dream"
 * Target string arrangement to String section
 * "by Gainsbourg with production from" → "by Gainsbourg and production from"
 * "remastered discography onto YouTube" → "remastered discography to YouTube"
 * Mention the fact that it was released as a single in September 2018 and instate the exact date too.
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:06, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Controversy

 * This section belongs in-between Critical reception and Commercial performance
 * "Jay Electronica had previously rapped" → "The former had previously rapped"
 * Why does it say "also been" when she is mentioned as being accused sooner than Jay is? Either switch the order or remove "also" from prose.
 * Target anti-Semitic to Antisemitism
 * "Jay Electronica responded by accusing" → "He responded by accusing"
 * "and invited him to a" → "and inviting him to a"
 * Target public forum to Forum (legal)
 * "on the album" → "on A Written Testimony"
 * Target Complex to Complex Networks (company)
 * "but that Jay Electronica was" → "though Jay Electronica was"
 * Mention why The Jewish Chronicle noted the lyrics; i.e, the connection it has to the other ones written out somehow
 * [39][40] should both be at the end of the sentence
 * "has also been previously cautioned" → "had also been previously cautioned"
 * "got smacked around by JAY-Z"." → "got smacked around by JAY-Z.""
 * "Jay Electronica praising Budden" → "him praising Budden"
 * ✅ Added that Harpin also discussed Farrakhan. I did not change "but that Jay Electronica was" to "though Jay Electronica was" because that would change the intent of the sentence. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 13:56, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * Change 4.0/5 to 4/5 for the HipHopDX review
 * "was met with widespread acclaim from critics" → "was met with widespread acclaim from music critics"
 * "this release received an" → "the album received an"
 * "Rashad Grove of Consequence of Sound praised" → "Grove praised" as we already know who he is
 * "worth the wait"," → "worth the wait,""
 * "on Only Built 4 Cuban Linx"," → "on Only Built 4 Cuban Linx,""
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:09, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Accolades

 * Since it's only one accolade and there are no negative reviews to separate from, this sub-section is not needed; keep the wording the exact same but place it directly after NME review in the same para
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:09, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Commercial performance

 * There's some strong issues with the first three sentences right now; I'll address below
 * Start with "A Written Testimony debuted at number 12 on the US Billboard 200 with over 31,000 album-equivalent units, of which nearly 11,000 were pure sales." and place the appropriate refs both at the end of this beginning sentence
 * Change the second sentence to "It peaked at number eight and four on the US Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums and Album Sales charts, respectively." with the appropriate refs
 * So the first three sentences will be down to two sentences, though the rest can remain as sentences but I have fixes listed below.
 * "It peaked at number 43 on the Billboard Canadian Albums" → "The album reached number 43 on the Billboard Canadian Albums chart"
 * Either put "numbers" instead of "number" on this occasion or put the latter term before each listed number for the stats that succeed the above.
 * Also, put the Canadian Albums ref straight after the comma in this sentence but keep the other three refs at the very end.
 * Name the Switzerland and Belgium charts, with the targets.
 * "peaked at number 9" → "peaked at number nine"

Track listing

 * Target Eric Demarsan to Éric Demarsan
 * Add a ref to verify Jay-Z's uncredited vocals at the end of the sentence
 * ✅ Removed the note about Jay-Z because there's no source that explicitly singles out these two tracks. I believe the body sufficiently explains Jay-Z's contributions to the album. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:15, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Personnel
Musicians
 * Good

Technical
 * What track(s) did Tony Dawsey contribute mastering engineering to?
 * ✅ All tracks but the intro. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 15:11, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Charts

 * Use the proper album chart sourcing for the Canada peak
 * ✅ Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 18:30, 27 May 2020 (UTC)

Final comments and verdict

 * These are my initial comments, you are free to respond to them right now, but there's still more to come definitely. --Kyle Peake (talk) 07:50, 26 May 2020 (UTC)
 * for now, good work but needs some changes before it's a GA. --Kyle Peake (talk) 16:17, 26 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I think I've done everything, let me know what else I might need to do. Thanks. Nice4What (talk · contribs) – (Thanks ♥ ) 18:35, 27 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ for this now! --Kyle Peake (talk) 19:53, 28 May 2020 (UTC)