Talk:Aden Jefferies/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 15:00, 27 December 2011 (UTC)

I'll review this article shortly. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:00, 27 December 2011 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:
 * "Roman Harris (Conrad Coleby) and Morag Bellingham)." an actress name is missing at the end there, as well as a left parenthesis.✅
 * "However, his main relationship is with Belle Taylor (Jessica Tovey), when the actors first heard" should be either a semicolon or period after Tovey rather than a comma✅
 * "Todd Lasance auditioned for the role of Jack Holden," change comma to semicolon.✅
 * "Lasance had not previously watched the serial, upon learning of his part he said he watched it "religiously" and carried out research on the net." Confusing as worded; adding but before upon should straighten it out.✅
 * "He was signed another guest contract, however, while filming the stint programme" signed to another. Start a new sentence at While and add a comma after programme.✅
 * "At the time Lasance was in with a chance of appearing in television series The Pacific." reword; not sure what "in with a chance" means, and add the before television series.✅
 * "with a hug chip on his shoulder" huge chip✅
 * "had coped and the affects it had" effects✅
 * "again, most of Aden's childhood" as most of✅
 * "Lacanse said that Aden nearly gives up until he finds out she is a lesbian, "he thinks he can prove her case"." feels like it's missing a word or two. Maybe write "and says" after the comma✅
 * "While their character clashed" characters✅
 * "Clint tries to forced him" force✅
 * "Lasance added "Aden tries to get him" comma after added.✅
 * "Morag is known for her feisty persona, Lasance said Frances was one of his favourite colleagues to work with because she is the complete opposite of Morag." the first part doesn't fit well in the sentence at all, and would be better elsewhere in the paragraph.
 * "Aden witnesses Belle kissing Angelo, this destroys their relationship." which destroys✅
 * "he publically humiliates Belle." publicly✅
 * "After Angelo verbally abused Belle, Aden does not "see eye to eye with Angelo". So Aden decides to be a witness to testify against Angelo.[25]" these two sentences should be combined into one, as it'll flow better.✅
 * "Lasance had previously been in caught up in a real house fire, he said the director of the episode" a semicolon would be better than a comma here.✅
 * "and explained "They started out" comma after explained, lowercase they✅
 * "her declaration and though Aden realises" rm and✅
 * I'm finding a lot of issues like the above in the storyline section, and would prefer an independent copyeditor be found for that one.✅
 * "Most Popular Actor" at the 2009 Logie Award, " Awards✅

If these didn't normally take forever to review, I would probably have failed this, since the prose is not very good. I'll put it on hold for a week, and we'll see where we are at that point. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 04:37, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Thankyou Wizardman - I am glad you chose to give it a chance as it has been there for such a long time. I'll make a start tomorrow, I'm sorry for the prose being icky in parts, sometimes I wonder how I passed English. Rain  the 1  05:14, 31 December 2011 (UTC)
 * Frickative has carried out the copyedit of the storyline section. Rain  the 1  05:30, 5 January 2012 (UTC)
 * I'll give this a read-through tomorrow to make sure everything checks out. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 03:46, 7 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Hey Wizardman, did you get a chance to look over the changes? Rain  the 1  23:55, 9 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Everything looks good now; the copyedit definitely helped out. As a result, I'll pass the article. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 21:13, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for taking the time to carry out the review Wizardman. Rain  the 1  21:16, 10 January 2012 (UTC)