Talk:Adriana Ocampo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 21:29, 11 April 2020 (UTC)

Assessment
Happy to review this interesting article.

Lead section

 * Not mentioned in the lead: that Ocampo emigrated to California in 1970 - her higher education - that in the past she worked for the Jet Propulsion Laboratory - her contribution towards the Viking mission - her involvement in the Belize expedition, the Galilieo mission and the Juno mission - her awards. (see MOS:INTRO)
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 15:52, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * As well, in 1996, Ocampo and her colleagues discovered the Aorounga Crater Chain in Chad. She continues to search for new impact craters, and with her team, recently reported on a possible crater near Cali, Colombia. Ocampo has had an asteroid name after her in recognition of her contributions to space exploration - none of the information here is included in the main body. ("Apart from basic facts, significant information should not appear in the lead if it is not covered in the remainder of the article." from Manual of Style/Lead section.)
 * ✅ "As well, in 1996, Ocampo and her colleagues discovered the Aorounga Crater Chain in Chad. She continues to search for new impact craters, and with her team, recently reported on a possible crater near Cali, Colombia." has been removed from the lead. "campo has had an asteroid name after her in recognition of her contributions to space exploration" has been incorporated to the main body. Flavinista (talk) 15:52, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Refs 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 & 9 are unlikely to be challenged, and so can be taken out of the lead section and used in the main article. (see MOS:LEADCITE)
 * ✅ references consolidated Flavinista (talk) 15:52, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Link Columbian; cenotes; satellite images; Cali; asteroid; space exploration.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 15:52, 2 May 2020 (UTC)

Early life and education

 * There is not really any need to link U.S. citizenship.
 * ✅ link has been removed Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Consider linking M.S. degree and giving it its proper title 'Master of Science'.
 * ✅ proper title has been added and "Master of Science" has been linked Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * During high school, Ocampo was part of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) troop 509. This short sentences does not require any more than 2 references.
 * ✅ Changed to only a single reference Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Adriana Christian Ocampo… The lead section, the infobox and this phrase all have different versions of her full name. Please amend the article to include her correct full name where it is needed.
 * ✅ I fix it to be "Adriana C. Ocampo Uria" everywhere her full name is stated Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Geology and  Planetary Geology are all small letters (the link will still work if the letters are lower case).
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...in the Netherlands. - probably not needed here.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Ref. 12 does not appear to me to relate to the article.
 * ✅ removed Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * During high school, Ocampo was part of the Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) troop 509. - Ref. 13 does not appear to relate to this sentence.
 * ✅ removed Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * In 1980, Ocampo attained U.S. citizenship. - doesn't this contradict the lead section, which describes her as Columbian?
 * ❌ I believe it does not contradict the statement. In the "early life and education" section it is stated that she was born in Colombia. That she attained her citizenship, later on, does not negate this fact. Therefore, I have prioritized this in the lead. Additionally in most references, she is referred to as "Colombian" rather than "America" thus is seems pertinent. If you have suggestions to further clarify the dual citizenship in the lead, please do not hesitate to reply. Flavinista (talk) 16:03, 2 May 2020 (UTC)

NASA career

 * Link the Solar System (in capitals); Jupiter; Pluto; asteroid; Spanish-language (Spanish language).
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Each of the six paragraphs has its own sub-section title, these are not necessary and I think should go. ("Short paragraphs and single sentences generally do not warrant their own subheading." - see MOS:OVERSECTION).
 * ✅ Sub-sections removed
 * ...for New Frontiers… - replace with 'for the for New Frontiers Program' and link New Frontiers program.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Some of the missions encompassed in this program are… - improve the prose by replacing this with 'These include…'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...currently… - avoid this word, instead including the starting date of her role (see MOS:RELTIME).
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Ref. 17 (Harbaugh) and Ref 18 (Physics Today dated 2017) both don't appear to refer to Ocampo's current role, and if so can't be used as citations for the first sentence in the section. According to this she no longer has a senior role as part of the JPL.
 * ❌ According to her Linkedin she still works as Program Executive since 2005. However, it is unclear is this position would be listed in the webpage you provided. I will do more digging around to see if there is anything listed in the NASA page in the meantime. Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * What are the dates for when she the lead NASA scientist for the VEX and VCO missions? Ref. 19 (Office Of Diversity and Equal Opportunity) provides useful information about her appointments and awards which could be used in the article.
 * ✅ included Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Ref. 20 leads to this. How does it connect with the publication named?
 * ✅ removed 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Link Mars and Viking 2 in the caption.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Link Mars in ... images from Mars satellites,…. Shouldn't it be 'of Mars'?
 * ✅ Corrected Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * In 1973, Adriana Ocampo worked in a multi-mission image processing laboratory. - Neither refs 11 or 13 provide an adequate citation for this sentence.
 * ✅ sentence reformated, new ferences was added Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...3 - 6 times… - better to write in full ('...3 to 6 times…').
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:21, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Link Chicxulub impact crater; mass extinctions on Earth (Extinction event); comets; satellite images; The Planetary Society.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...and his son Walter Alvarez, a geologist. - sounds better put as '...and his son the geologist Walter Alvarez.'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...of Iridium n the… - 'of iridium in the…'. Link iridium.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * K-T boundary should link to Cretaceous–Paleogene boundary.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Who is Kevin O. Pope?
 * ✅ reference and occupation was added. Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...her Colleges… - 'her colleagues…'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...the scientific journal Nature… - replace with '...Nature..' . (in italics).
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...The Planetary Society (TPS) of Pasadena… - just '...The Planetary Society' will do.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...Adriana Ocampo and Kevin Pope. - surnames only are sufficient here and elsewhere in the article.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...two new sites containing two layers of material called ejecta. Ejecta means that particles were ejected upon the impact of the asteroid and flowed like lava generating ejecta lobes. - this sounds rather clumsy, perhaps replace it with something like '...two new sites containing two layers consisting of particles that had been ejected upon the impact of the asteroid and then flowed away, generating ejecta lobes.'.
 * ✅ Sentence suggested was incorporated Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...covered by it. - covered by what?
 * ✅ clarified Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Replace defended with 'was awarded'.
 * ✅ replaced Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * The Exobiology Program of NASA Office of Space Science and The Planetary Society (TPS) of Pasadena… can be replaced with 'NASA and The Planetary Society…'.
 * ✅ replaced Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...another expedition… - it sounds as if they sponsored two expeditions, replace another with 'an'.
 * ✅ replaced Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...the expedition in Belize on January… - replace with ' expeditions there in January…'.
 * ✅ replaced Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * During these expeditions, small particles, like green glass, later identifies as tektites were found in the site. - 'Small particles resembling green glass, and later identified as tektites were found at the site.'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * These particles are from… Please edit the whole sentence, as at present it makes little sense.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * The correct title for the webpage used in Ref. 25 is needed.
 * ✅ Title corrected Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Unlink Jupiter (already linked).
 * ✅ unliked Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Galileo needs to be in italics throughout.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Icarus should also be in italics.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * She was in charge of… - replace with 'She led…'.
 * ✅ replaced Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Galileo the space probe was launched en 1989 in route… - should read' Galileo was launched in 1989 en route..'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Adriana incorporated math examples that highlighted the Galileo spacecraft in high school math books. is incorrect, according to the citation used.
 * ✅ sentence removed Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Link solar panels.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Juno needs to be in italics throughout.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * As the lead program Executive, Adriana Ocampo was part of the Juno Mission. Her team was… would sound better put as ' Ocampo led the Juno mission, which was…'.
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...this planet. - Please correct this, as Juno is not a planet.
 * ✅ corrected Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * This mission is the first time that a spacecraft is propelled with solar panels with more than 8 meters in length. - perhaps  'Juno is the first spacecraft built with solar panels with a span exceeding 8m.'?
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ...this planet. - Please correct this, as Juno is not a planet.
 * ✅ corrected Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * This mission is the first time that a spacecraft is propelled with solar panels with more than 8 meters in length. - perhaps  'Juno is the first spacecraft built with solar panels with a span exceeding 8m.'?
 * ✅ Flavinista (talk) 16:26, 2 May 2020 (UTC)

Awards and honours

 * Who is Marc Buie?
 * ✅ Occupation has been added and name linked for clarification Flavinista (talk) 16:27, 2 May 2020 (UTC)
 * ..., as noted in the official naming citation of July 11, 2018, from the Minor Planet Center (M.P.C. 110637) - is not needed here, as it is to be found in the Reference section.
 * ✅ removed Flavinista (talk) 16:27, 2 May 2020 (UTC)

Passing
With only only of a couple of points left to address, the article is now in fine shape. Passing now, well done and thanks for your work. Amitchell125 (talk) 09:56, 3 May 2020 (UTC)