Talk:Adventure Time season 7/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: 1989 (talk · contribs) 01:00, 11 June 2017 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * "The season concluded a little over four months year later, on March 19, 2016." I'd merge the start date to this sentence as it doesn't make sense.
 * "shape and grow and shrink" Don't use 'and' twice.
 * "The series is based on a short produced for Frederator's Nicktoons Network animation incubator series Random! Cartoons." Doesn't sound right. How about putting the network as the last thing in the sentence or removing it?
 * "backstory, and also follows Finn" Remove also.
 * "This season also featured guest" Remove also.
 * "The episode "The Hall of Egress" was nominated for a Primetime Emmy Award for Short-format Animation at the 68th Primetime Emmy Awards; furthermore, both Herpich and Jason Kolowski also each won" If THoE was nominated, I would separate the sentence from the winning one since it's not the same idea, and remove also.
 * ""Bad Jubies" also won an Annie Award for Best" Remove also.
 * "In late September 2014" I'd put the full date for accuracy with the ref.
 * "By August 2015" Same thing.
 * "style of the show's early years" How about 'show's previous style'?
 * "which had been defined by their foremost focus on comedy" I don't get it.
 * "all of the episodes began as" I would replace began with something better.
 * "two-to-three-page outline" You mean outlines?
 * "rough outline" Outlines?
 * "or by" Remove by.
 * "Continuing a tradition" What tradition?
 * "storyboard this season included" Included is not the right word.
 * "after November 2014. With this being said, Osborne" I'd merge that part and add a semicolon.
 * "Rebecca Sugar also returned" Remove also.
 * "returned, both to write a new song for the miniseries entitled "Everything Stays", as well as" Remove the comma and the word both & replace as well as with and.
 * "The voice actors for the season include John DiMaggio (who portrays Jake the Dog), Tom Kenny (who plays The Ice King), and Hynden Walch (who voices Princess Bubblegum). In addition, Jeremy Shada portrays the voice of Finn the Human, and Olivia Olson portrays Marceline the Vampire Queen." I would merge the whole thing, no need to separate sentences if they are all the main voice actors.
 * "Anne Heche returns to voice the eponymous character" Clarify.
 * "and the episode also guest stars" Keep the first word and remove the rest.
 * "In 'King's Ransom", storyboard"
 * "playing Hugo the" The first word could be better.
 * "Nielsen ratings are audience measurement systems that determine the audience size and composition of television programming in the United States, which means that the episode was seen by 0.3 percent of all households aged 18 to 49 years old were watching television at the time of the episode's airing." Your repeating yourself, the previous sentence said the percentage. If you want to keep it, I would make it a ref popup instead.
 * "Much like the sixth season, the seventh season featured several "bomb" weeks, or weeks wherein new episodes debuted everyday." This can be shortened.
 * "The first of these strings of new episodes" Doesn't sound right.
 * "Herpich and Jason Kolowski also each" Remove also.
 * "and several of those who worked on it were also" Same thing.
 * "reveals that the dragon is in fact her brother" Remove 'in fact'.
 * "She arrives at Bubblegum's cabin" What made her go there?
 * "varmints underground to an old mine tunnel Bubblegum and Marceline" You're missing a word.
 * "chance blast of lightning" Remove the first word.
 * "The episode features a non sequitur ending featuring a banana guard member singing The Shirelles' 1961 song, "Mama Said"." I'd remove the trivia info, since it doesn't show much importance to the plot.
 * "and apologizes to BMO. BMO accepts Football's apologies and celebrates being back in the real world." I'd merge these parts.
 * "whether it has worked or not" Replace has with will.
 * "Suspecting Marceline, Finn and Jake confront of her" Doesn't sound right.
 * "only to discover the extracted essence has transformed" Doesn't sound right.
 * "However, as Finn and Jake" Remove however.
 * "Old foes surface from Marceline's past" Clarify.
 * "the Empress, but the Empress" Phrase used twice.
 * "Marceline kills the Empress" Add then after the first name.
 * "She then apologizes" Remove then.
 * "and tells them they" Missing a word.
 * "they then run into trouble" Remove then.
 * "tracks them and finds them" Could be shortened.
 * "Marceline agrees only on the" Remove only.
 * "drinks blood, but he attacks her instead." The sentence could be seperated and clarified better. Did they trick Marceline to getting out the house, or was she already out and he declined the deal?
 * "During the struggle" Clarify.
 * "Jake flee, luring the Moon to the Candy Kingdom. However, when they try to fight back" So did the Moon follow them, and attack them as well? Clarify.
 * "Meanwhile, the Candy People witness Bubblegum battling the Dark Cloud, and sick of the King of Ooo's leadership, overthrow him and head out to battle the Dark Cloud." This could sound better, it may require a split.
 * "powers to absorb Dark Cloud" You're missing a word.
 * Why is the name Moe in quotation marks?
 * "return to the MO factory so as to grow up." Doesn't sound right.
 * "just in time to stop AMO" From doing what?
 * "She does not get the part, instead, being chosen" This could sound better.
 * "and focuses on the tiniest of details" This could sound better.
 * "At the last minute" Doesn't sound right, because from how you said the sentence, the show didn't start yet.
 * Was Me-Mow playing along in their game, because that's how the description sounds.
 * "taken a long weekend." Missing a word.
 * "creatures are indeed creepy" Remove indeed.
 * "they leave the Tree Fort via an open window" Replace via with something else.
 * "In this episode," I would remove this.
 * "In the end, however," Remove however.
 * "after the storm threatens to destroy the group's bunker, Jake is able to use a beat box made up of the aforementioned sounds to successfully calm the storm." I don't get it, was it a magic storm?
 * "although he exact intentions"
 * "Finn and Jake crossover into Farmworld to stop Farmworld-Finn and the Jake-Lich" The first sentence could be formatted better as I was confused when I read it.
 * "Finn, Jake, and Ice Finn team up to stop the Jake-Lich, and Finn and Jake are able" The team up and the device sentences should be seperated as it doesn't sound right together.
 * "found a dungeon, but, after" Remove the comma after but.
 * "In the center of the structure he finds a door that," Remove the word that, and replace the comma with a semicolon.
 * "On the other side of this door" Replace the word this with something else, or redo that part.
 * "Finn does just that, and in doing so manages to escape the Hall of Egress." This could be shorter.
 * "he fears revealing that he is a painter because he has a terrifying opinion of the princess." Doesn't make sense.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * The Stakes parts 7 & 8 descriptions is plagiarism per . I'd advise you to paraphrase if you haven't seen the episodes yet.
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * The Episode 8 summary does not sound neutral due to the overexposure descriptions of the revived vampires.
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Judging by the long list of prose issues, and the plagiarism, sadly I'm going to have to fail this GA nomination. I'd recommend that you request for someone to copyedit the article, and look over the issues I addressed before renominating. – 1989 01:00, 11 June 2017 (UTC
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Judging by the long list of prose issues, and the plagiarism, sadly I'm going to have to fail this GA nomination. I'd recommend that you request for someone to copyedit the article, and look over the issues I addressed before renominating. – 1989 01:00, 11 June 2017 (UTC
 * Judging by the long list of prose issues, and the plagiarism, sadly I'm going to have to fail this GA nomination. I'd recommend that you request for someone to copyedit the article, and look over the issues I addressed before renominating. – 1989 01:00, 11 June 2017 (UTC


 * I went through and cleaned up many of the issues that you pointed out, and Reidgreg performed a thorough copy-edit. If I were to open this back up for review, would you be willing to look over it again? If not, I understand. Thanks!-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   01:20, 22 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Sure. -- 1989 16:31, 25 June 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much! I have re-nominated it.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   15:39, 26 June 2017 (UTC)