Talk:Ahmad Maymandi/GA3

GA Review
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Reviewer: Yash! (talk · contribs) 14:20, 20 February 2016 (UTC)

Saw the ping and this looks interesting. I will complete my review in 24 hours.  Ya  sh  !   14:20, 20 February 2016 (UTC)

Lead

 * Is it possible to find his birthdate?
 * Use only "Maymandi" instead of "Ahmad Maymandi" throughout the article after you mention the full name in the first sentence.
 * Begin "and would thereafter rapidly rise to higher offices" with a new sentence.
 * "However, after a brief civil war" - remove "However".
 * "once again" -> "again".
 * Begin "which he at first rejected..." with a new sentence.
 * "but later in 1031 accepted" -> "but alter accepted in 1031".

Origins and early career

 * Use "Ahmad Maymandi" the first time you mention his name and "Maymandi" for the rest of the article instead of "Ahmad".
 * "However, during" -> no need for "However" here.
 * "was later promoted" - better if we use the year in which he was promoted instead of "later", if that is possible.
 * "who was much more experienced" -> "who had more administrative experience".
 * "shortly" - again, better if we can have the year or how shortly that happened.
 * "thus putting an end" -> "ending"
 * If you are using "Ghaznavid Empire" in the lead, make sure you use the same in the prose instead of "Ghaznavid dynasty" and "Ghaznavid kingdom".

First vizierate and downfall

 * Use his surname, "Maymandi" and not his name "Ahmad".
 * Link "vizier"
 * "governor of Khorasan, and tax-collector" -> remove comma
 * What is "ca." in "ca. 1011"? Am I missing something?
 * "probably also" -> remove "also".
 * "he in reality used" -> "he used".
 * "shortly " - again, better if we can have a proper time-frame.
 * "was then appointed" -> "was appointed".

Second vizierate and death

 * Again, use his surname, "Maymandi".
 * "He then met him" -> "He met him".
 * Why and when did he refuse?
 * "took revenge" - how?
 * "some time" - I strongly suggest that you use the year or suitable time-frame here.
 * "who, like his father, also gained the vizier office" -> "who also gained the vizier office".
 * "who, like Ahmad, also" -> "who also".

Lead

 * Is it possible to find his birthdate? - Unfortunately not.
 * Use only "Maymandi" instead of "Ahmad Maymandi" throughout the article after you mention the full name in the first sentence. - Done.
 * Begin "and would thereafter rapidly rise to higher offices" with a new sentence. - What do you mean?
 * The current sentence is too long. So, it would be better if you split the sentence into two.  Ya  sh  !   10:39, 25 February 2016 (UTC)
 * "However, after a brief civil war" - remove "However". - Done.
 * "once again" -> "again". - Done.
 * Begin "which he at first rejected..." with a new sentence. - What do you mean?
 * Same as above.  Ya  sh  !   10:39, 25 February 2016 (UTC)
 * "but later in 1031 accepted" -> "but alter accepted in 1031". - Done.

Origins and early career

 * Use "Ahmad Maymandi" the first time you mention his name and "Maymandi" for the rest of the article instead of "Ahmad". - Done.
 * "However, during" -> no need for "However" here. - Done.
 * "was later promoted" - better if we use the year in which he was promoted instead of "later", if that is possible. - Unfortunately no date is mentioned.
 * "who was much more experienced" -> "who had more administrative experience". - Done.
 * "shortly" - again, better if we can have the year or how shortly that happened. - Done.
 * "thus putting an end" -> "ending" - Done.
 * If you are using "Ghaznavid Empire" in the lead, make sure you use the same in the prose instead of "Ghaznavid dynasty" and "Ghaznavid kingdom". - Will do.

First vizierate and downfall

 * Use his surname, "Maymandi" and not his name "Ahmad". - Done.
 * Link "vizier" - Done.
 * "governor of Khorasan, and tax-collector" -> remove comma - Done.
 * What is "ca." in "ca. 1011"? Am I missing something? - Removed "ca.".
 * "probably also" -> remove "also". - Done.
 * "he in reality used" -> "he used". - Done.
 * "shortly " - again, better if we can have a proper time-frame. - Done.
 * "was then appointed" -> "was appointed". - Done.

Second vizierate and death

 * Again, use his surname, "Maymandi". - Done.
 * "He then met him" -> "He met him". - Done.
 * Why and when did he refuse? - Will do.
 * "took revenge" - how? - That isn't mentioned in the sources I used.
 * "some time" - I strongly suggest that you use the year or suitable time-frame here. - Done.
 * "who, like his father, also gained the vizier office" -> "who also gained the vizier office". - Done.
 * "who, like Ahmad, also" -> "who also". - Done.

--HistoryofIran (talk) 19:22, 22 February 2016 (UTC)


 * Yash: DONE!!! ;D --HistoryofIran (talk) 14:12, 25 February 2016 (UTC)
 * Great work ! This article is now a GA! :)  Ya  sh  !   07:46, 26 February 2016 (UTC)