Talk:Albert P. Halfhill/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:45, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Taking this review for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 14:45, 6 October 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * Mention Halfhill was American in the first sentence of the lead
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:36, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Early life

 * "and Lydia Halfhill (née Kingman)." - The Template:nee is better off being employed on the text highlighted in bold
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:55, 7 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Halfhill had two brothers. He was educated in the public schools of Mercer and St. Mary's, Ohio." - consider merging these two sentences together
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 09:55, 7 October 2020 (UTC)

Career

 * "He was a partner with August Decker for a few years in a dry goods business in St. Mary's." - how many years exactly?
 * ✅ No sources say.


 * "He then moved to Van Wert, Ohio. There, in 1875, he purchased a grocery store that he operated with Lester Paterson." - considering merging these two sentences together


 * "like olive or cottonseed oil." - such as


 * "Albacore was unattractive and called the "hog of the sea"[1]" - a comma is missing between "sea" and the citation


 * "called the "hog of the sea" - called by whom?


 * "with a texture like chicken.[14][2][15]" - refs in numerical order please


 * " he sold 250 cases (packaged in three-quarter pound cans) of cooked" - cases packaged in 3⁄4 pound cans of cooked


 * "to a grocery store owner in Los Angeles named H. Jevne.[19] Jevne's employees and customers" - try not to start the beginning of the following sentence like this


 * "Halfhill used the tagline "chicken of the sea" to promote sales,[20][14][21]" - refs in numerical order please


 * "The product did not sell well at first," - for what reason?


 * "It became a successful seller in New York before doing so in California." - it was in California.


 * "for gathering tuna 200 miles out" - the convert template will need to be used on the text in bold

Later life

 * "Halfhill is considered the father of the tuna-packing industry." - considered by whom?


 * "Captain Halfhill (an honorary title bestowed on him by his competitors) retired in 1922." - the text in bold doesn't need to be in parentheses


 * "His sons Charles and Harry took over the operations" - business


 * "which then sold about 200,000 cases of tuna," - subsequently


 * "Halfhill died at the age of 76 on May 7, 1924." - where did he die and what from?