Talk:Ali Hassan Abu Kamal

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No discussion of when it happened and rather inflamatory language in the Motive section, just to get you started John. CovenantD 12:02, 25 February 2007 (UTC)


 * What are you talking about? This article makes it perfectly clear that the shooting happened on "Sunday" (an unnamed Sunday in 1997, that is).--The Fat Man Who Never Came Back 23:53, 25 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Perfectly clear? Hardly. The first mention of 1997 is over 3/4 of the way through the article. Even then, it never explicitly states when the shootings happen - you have to infer from the dates of the wife's account that it was sometime in or before 1997. The closest to a real date is in the references, a totally unencyclopedic solution. Remember the basics of writing - who, what, where, when and why. You also might want to check out WP:LEAD for ideas on how to fix the opening sentences. CovenantD 00:26, 26 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Sorry, my comment was meant to be ironic; the first paragraph's allusion to a vague "Sunday" made me laugh. I speculate that a lot of the problems with this article result from text pasted in directly from newspaper articles, with heavy POV paraphrasing; a lot of it has to go.  --The Fat Man Who Never Came Back 00:43, 26 February 2007 (UTC)


 * Ah, yes, irony. Got it. Unfortunately, given the writing skills of some editors, I thought you might be serious. CovenantD 12:59, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

Sheesh you guys, why not just fix it? OK, I have. &mdash;Moondyne 08:34, 13 March 2007 (UTC)