Talk:Alile Sharon Larkin

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): OliveYouToo. Peer reviewers: Ewenstruemental, Ruth Maffett.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:07, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer Review
Hi, first I wanted to say great job with what you've done so far, there's just a few things you might want to fix. First there's no citation for when you bring up her upcoming work on the project "Tie Dye", so it'd probably be a good idea to cite it. The first sentence of the article is a bit long and it might be a good idea to separate it into two sentences, putting a period after "director", and starting the next sentence with "She is associated. . .". There's some slightly awkward wording in the sentence about Alile belonging to the second wave of these filmmakers, putting or generation in brackets might make it better. Also putting hyperlinks for the films she's worked on might be good, using wikipedia or imdb links. Those are really the only problems, but otherwise well done! Ewenstruemental (talk) 02:33, 13 October 2015 (UTC)

Editing suggestions
Hey!

So, all in all a really good article! give yourself a pat on the back for this one.

A few things though, firstly, this sentence "Larkin was then enrolled as one of the original members of the Ethno-Communications program at UCLA, until it disbanded,[9] after which she registered at UCLA's prestigious film school in the Motion Picture/Television Program, graduating with a Master of Fine Arts degree in 1982." Is a little awkward and long. I would consider splitting in in two.

In the "career" section, I've done a bit of editing, just changing a few words so that it reads more smoothly.

In the influence and style section, I would consider re-wording it a bit, mainly "Her films remind you that you are indeed a spectator watching a film; you are not the protagonist". This sentence is a little too opinionated and should be re-worded. I also switched the parts around, just so it followed the section header (style then influence).

The final thing I would note is that you use quotes a little too much, and perhaps rewording them would work better, as quotes tend to distupt the flow of the article.

Other than those things, its all around a really good article.

Ruth Maffett (talk) 16:45, 13 October 2015 (UTC)