Talk:All Hope Is Gone World Tour/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk) 04:26, 3 January 2011 (UTC)

Article looks pretty good and has been improved a lot since the last GA review. I do, however, have some concerns which need to be addressed before I can promote. Cavie78 (talk) 04:26, 3 January 2011 (UTC)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): (MoS):
 * A few problems with the prose are listed below, I've fixed some more myself. There are a lot of problems with the 'Lighting' and 'Sound production' sections relating to the use of technical jargon. Lead needs expanding.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): (citations to reliable sources):  (OR):
 * Sources look good, no original research.
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): (focused):
 * A 'Background' section needs to be added to set the tour in context.
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * Looks good.
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * No problems.
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * Lots of very good free images.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

General

 * One dab link Spit It Out
 * Fixed Crowz  RSA  20:11, 4 January 2011 (UTC)


 * Two dead links:
 * Ref 9
 * Ref 44

Lead

 * The lead should provide a summary of the article per WP:LEAD. You should add brief information about the injury to Sid Wilson, the Mayhem Festival (see also further comments below), Jordison's health problems and the cancelled dates and maybe add a sentence explaining that Chris Fehn and Shawn Crahan were absent at different points due to family deaths.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:02, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "This was also the last tour with bassist Paul Gray due to his death May 24, 2010." -> This was also the last tour with bassist Paul Gray who died on May 24, 2010.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:11, 4 January 2011 (UTC)

[Background]

 * There really needs to be a background section explaining why the band were touring (you mention this in the lead but not in the article), that it was the follow-up to the Subliminal Verses tour etc. The main article currently starts with a section about lighting which seems pretty odd!
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:02, 12 January 2011 (UTC)

Lighting

 * The section is very heavy on technical jargon, you should remember that you are writing for non-experts. Several specific examples are listed below.
 * You mix tenses in this section e.g. "Lawrence Upton acted as the tour's director..." and "Upstage provides the gear package" Please have a look through and convert to past tense.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:11, 4 January 2011 (UTC)


 * Upstage -> Up-stage
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:11, 4 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Upstage provides the gear package, which include 10 Martin Professional MAC Profiles and 54 Martin Mac 2000 Wash units." Seems a bit clunky. What is a "gear package" Does up-stage really "provide" it? On first reading I thought "Upstage" must be a sound engineering firm. If you're just saying that the gear is housed there then make it more explicit. You link to Ellipsoidal reflector spotlight which is good but I really think you should make it clear to non-experts that you are talking about spotlights here.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Watson explained that the 10 Martin Professional MAC Profiles are used as "key lights", while 54 Martin Mac 2000 Wash..." Presumably the numbers 10 and 54 refer to the numbers of spotlights used? In which case you don't need to repeat here.
 * I'm not sure what you mean by "repeat"… Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
 * You've already stated that there were 10 Mac Profiles and 54 Martins so you don't need to repeat the number, just say "Watson explained that the Martin Professional MAC Profiles are used as "key lights", while the Martin Mac 2000 Wash..." Cavie78 (talk) 16:15, 10 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:02, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...trusslot of white" I know this is a direct quote but I have no idea what this means.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "24 Martin Atomic 300 Strobes" Link to Strobe light
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...were used as the wall of light." What's a "wall of light"?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Instead of a media server, the GrandMA console is used for MA Lighting." Again, I've no idea what this means.
 * I linked some stuff, so I think that oughta help.


 * "...if you want to go further, you need a media serverCTB and a pale lavender." And again, what is a "pale lavender"?!!
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "A full-sized GrandMA console was used assistant lighting designer." do you mean "was used by the assistant lighting designer?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...which were what Upton used to get the most output." The most output?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  15:34, 10 January 2011 (UTC)

Sound production

 * "David “Shirt” Nicholls was positioned as audio mixer on a Digidesign Venue with both the Eventide Anthology Pack and Venue Pro Pack." I'm not sure "positioned" is the right word here - "David “Shirt” Nicholls acted as audio mixer throughout the tour using a Digidesign Venue..."? What is a a Digidesign Venue and what are the Eventide Anthology Pack and Venue Pro Pack?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:37, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Nicholls explains: “I couldn't be without the Venue. Also, I have my trusty A-T 4050 microphones; they take a battering on a Slipknot stage. It's not unusual to see one of the vocal mics (T6100s) go flying up into the seats only to be back up onstage the next day working fine — I'm sure they're bullet-proof!”" I think this could be worded better without the direct quote. What about "Nicholls has expressed his admiration for the Venue Pro Pack and also explained that the A-T 4050 microphones which he used on the tour took a battering during shows. Nicholls has called the T6100 vocal microphones he used "bulletproof" as they would occasionally "go flying up into the seats" during shows but would still work the next day."?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:37, 10 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "The Meyer P.A., which accumulates 16 MILO boxes, nine Nexo CD-18 subs, and six flown HP700s on the ground per side, was solely provided by Thunder Audio." P.A. should link to Public address unless you've already done so when explaining the first sentence. What are MILO boxes? Subs should link to Subwoofer. What does "flown HP700s on the ground per side" mean?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:37, 10 January 2011 (UTC)

Set list

 * Should be Example set lists
 * I think it's Done Crowz  RSA  16:55, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "All Hope is Gone" was played once. When? Where in the set? In place of another song or in addition to the set list quoted?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:55, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "The following songs were played occasionally- "Eyeless", "Eeyore" and "Pulse of the Maggots"" -> "Eyeless", "Eeyore" and "Pulse of the Maggots" were also performed occasionally. Same questions as above though.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:55, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * ""Me Inside" was played a few times at the start of the winter US leg. "Snuff" was played occasionally towards the end of the final US leg." In place of other songs? Where in the set?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  16:55, 12 January 2011 (UTC)

Mayhem Festival

 * Need some background here - what is the Mayhem Festival?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  20:02, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...on July 9, turntablist Sid Wilson broke both of his heels..." You should say "...on July 9 at Auburn Washington, turntablist Sid Wilson ..."
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Wilson returned to the band, in a wheelchair and both his legs in casts, on the second date of the festival; he did, however, perform without the wheelchair at times." You should make it more obvious that Wilson returned at Mountain View given that the Wheatland show was actually the second date before it was postponed. Would suggest rewording to ""Wilson returned to the band, in a wheelchair and with both his legs in casts, on the second date of the festival at Mountain View, Californi ; he did, however, perform without the wheelchair at times."
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "Reviewers of Slipknot's sets during the Mayhem Festival noted the band's energy and on-stage presence. Reviewing the Mayhem Festival in Devore..." Change to "Critics noted the band's energy and on-stage presence during their Mayhem Festival sets. Reviewing the Mayhem Festival in Devore..."
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...noting that part of the Slipknot's appeal was the secrecy, referring to the masks, aliases and the use of a curtain while the stage was set up." Change to "...noting that part of Slipknot's appeal was their secrecy, referring to band's use of masks and aliases and the fact that a curtain was used to hide the stage while it was set up."
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)

Cancelled European dates

 * Any idea which concert Jordison is talking about when he says he "felt a snap" in his ankle?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * Did Jordison have surgery?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * [I was at the Leeds festival when the plane flew over and you're right about the booing!]

Japan leg

 * "Japan leg" -> "Japanese leg"
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "...percussionist Shawn Crahan discussed the difference in the audience in Japan." Differences between Japanese audiences and Western audiences?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)

European leg

 * "The band's appearance in Moscow marked Slipknot's first performance in Russia—due to cancellations during the European leg." Do you mean cancellation during the Europen leg of a previous tour?
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "He enthused..." A bit POV, change to "He stated that..."
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * "When reviewing the same show Rick Pearson of the Evening Standard wrote that there was "a strong feeling of camaraderie" at the show." You previously state that the Kerrang! review was of three shows. Change one instance of "show" to "concert" to avoid repetition.
 * Done Crowz  RSA  17:19, 12 January 2011 (UTC)


 * ✅ Crowz  RSA  20:11, 4 January 2011 (UTC)

Remaining concerns
Looking pretty good now, just a few things left before I can promote. Cavie78 (talk) 18:00, 13 January 2011 (UTC)


 * Link 45 Conner, Shea (2009-01-26). "Concert review: Slipknot at the Sprint Center with Coheed & Cambria and Trivium". News-Press & Gazette Company. http://www.stjoenews.net/news/2009/jan/26/concert-review-slipknot-sprint-center-coheed-cambr/. Retrieved 2009-07-22. is dead
 * You haven't added any detail about the injury to Sid Wilson, what the Mayhem Festival is, Jordison's health problems and the cancelled dates or an anything about Chris Fehn and Shawn Crahan being absent at different points due to family deaths as I recommended above.
 * In the lead "Things like LED units..." -> "Equipment such as LED Units..."
 * Again, in the lead "The tour started with the Mayhem Festival 2008, as guitarist Mick Thomson confirmed that February." I think the second half of the sentence should be removed -> "The tour started with the Mayhem Festival 2008."
 * I think it's all been done. Crowz  RSA  20:33, 20 January 2011 (UTC)
 * Looks good, well done, am happy to promote. Cavie78 (talk) 15:14, 21 January 2011 (UTC)