Talk:All Saints' Church, Southampton/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 09:58, 6 April 2016 (UTC)

Hi! Will review. Sainsf &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 09:58, 6 April 2016 (UTC)

Lead

 * We typically do not keep citations in the lead unless we make some significant claims. Make sure you have added them all in the main text (after the lead).
 * ✅ WaggersTALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Slightly expand the lead.
 * ✅ Wa</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)

History

 * Henry II granted the land to the monks of St. Denys Priory  Let this not look like a continuation from the lead. It would be good to say "the land on which the All Saints' Church stood" or the like.
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Add a word on who Henry II was.
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Ref. 1 can be added directly to the end of the 3rd line it is the source for.
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * in the Spring of 1792 Why is it "S" and not "s"?
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 *  and work begun on its replacement I would like to begin a new sentence from here.
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * The latter paras are short and many, giving the article a choppy look. Can we combine a few of them, or use subsections?
 * ✅ - I've made the "Interior" and "Exterior" sections into subsections of a new "Architecture" section which hopefully resolves this. <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * That is better, but the paras of "History" are also many and short. Can we have a similar solution for this? Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:06, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ - I've combined some of the previous shorter paragraphs and added subheadings, breaking the history into centuries, which hopefully makes it easier to read. <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  15:26, 8 April 2016 (UTC)


 * and went on to become Bishop of Killaloe and Kilfenora, Bishop of Down and Connor and subsequently Bishop of Down, Connor and Dromore Appears irrelevant to the article.
 * Agreed; I've removed the extraneous detail. I'd like the article to be clear that the first rector of the church wasn't the same Richard Mant that became the bishop (as we have an article on the latter) so hopefully the revised sentence hits the right balance. <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Yes, better! Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:06, 8 April 2016 (UTC)


 * The church building was subsequently demolished When?
 * Good question! It's proved difficult to find a source that provides an answer. Most sources state or imply the building was destroyed in the 1940 bombing but source #1 says "in August 1944, with demolition of the ruin awaited...", indicating there was more demolition to be done. But I can't find a source that states when that work was done. I've adjusted the sentence in the article to be clear it's the ruins that were demolished; most of the building was already gone.
 * Hmm... We should not venture into any guessing then. Can we add a few words so that it is clear to the reader that we do not know the date for certain? Sainsf  &lt;^&gt; Feel at home 11:06, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  15:26, 8 April 2016 (UTC)


 * and despite being charred  "and, despite being charred"
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)

Exterior

 * Who was Reveley?
 * ✅ - I've added a little more detail. <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Because the north side adjoined the neighbouring buildings it had no windows "It had no windows because the north side adjoined the neighbouring buildings".
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)
 * Exterior and Interior sections could be combined into a single section, Architecture.
 * ✅ <b style="color:#98F">W</b><b style="color:#97E">a</b><b style="color:#86D">g</b><b style="color:#75C">ge</b><b style="color:#83C">r</b><b  style="color:#728">s</b><small  style="color:#080">TALK  10:48, 8 April 2016 (UTC)