Talk:Amar Osim/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 06:18, 11 May 2020 (UTC)

I'll pick this one up, will post a review shortly. Kosack (talk) 06:18, 11 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead

 * Ideally everything in the lead should be mentioned and sourced in the main body, but I see no mention of "Osim was a talented player during his teens" anywhere else but here.
 * "Osim is the most successful manager in Željezničar history", it would be worth including when he was appointed as the team's manager.
 * It's probably not worth mentioning in the lead that the Bosnian Supercup is defunct.
 * "He won many awards while being Željezničar's manager", this sentence is a little off grammatically.
 * "making mediocre results", making results doesn't really work.
 * "Croatian football legend", avoid WP:PEACOCK terms like legend.

Playing career

 * "football in hometown club Željezničar" > football for hometown...
 * France is an WP:OVERLINK.
 * "season for his favourite Željezničar before he retired from professional playing career", grammar is a bit off here.
 * No references in this section?
 * Overall, this section is very short for a playing career that lasted 11 years.

Željezničar

 * The one source included here doesn't cover an awful lot of what's in this section.
 * The paragraph style here is a little choppy. Single sentence paragraphs are generally to be avoided.
 * Put English outside the Premier League link, it's not part of the official competition name.
 * Pipe Newcastle United to avoid the F.C.
 * Why is Bosnia and Herzegovina Manager of the Year bolded?

JEF United Chiba

 * His father is already linked previously. Japan is also and overlink.
 * Section is unsourced.

Return to Željezničar

 * "After his Japanese adventure", too journalistic.
 * Again, only one source for all the information here and it doesn't cover most of it.
 * No need to bold award titles.

Al Kharaitiyat

 * Similar issues here, short paragraphs and no need to bold award titles.

Second return to Željezničar

 * Be careful not to start lots of sentences with "On 13 April", "On 20 April", etc.

Personal life

 * His father is mentioned several times before this, so there's no need to list him here again.

Honours

 * Section needs sourcing.