Talk:Andrea Dorfman

Untitled
Hi, this is Tcha23. I think your article is excellent since you have lots of information, and also you use a really good grammar. However it would be better if you can have more information about the filmmaker's personal life as the number of information on her career and on her personal life are not balanced. Also I changed the filmography section from a list into a table, and adding the filmmaker's roles of the movies to the filmography section will improve your page more. Overall this is a very good Wikipedia page. Good job! — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tcha23 (talk • contribs) 23:41, 8 November 2016 (UTC)

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Cmp123. Peer reviewers: Tcha23, Namekian, 5WDXRMMF4.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 17:16, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer Review
This is an extremely strong article which has obviously been conducted from a breadth of research, this is evident from the amount of references cited as well as the extensive range of information given. The fact that a lot of dates have been used provides the reader with a clear timeline of Andrea Dorfmans career. The large amount of detail explaining the filmmakers work helps to build an understanding of the themes she uses within her creations. Also the various different forms of information such as career, personal and early life help to give a rounded image of her.

Due to the large amount of information used in the 'Career' section, it may benefit from various headings to help break down into relevant sections. For example it could use various film headings with information of the narrative, awards and how the film was received or made ect. Another example could be to use time brackets to explain the films Dorfman made during that period, as well as her accomplishments.

The filmography section may benefit from another column to illustrate the film makers credit listing. It is explained earlier in the article that she directs, produces and writes many of her films so the role used in each film could be added to the table. As well the table could state what type of film it is after the title e.g documentary series. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 5WDXRMMF4 (talk • contribs) 04:48, 10 November 2016 (UTC)

Peer Evaluation
Hello Cmp123,

Your article is very informative and the information is relevant to the subject in question. Also, the coverage of the director is well balance. You have an appropriate amount of reliable sources needed for the article to be notable. Overall, your article has everything it needs. The only aspect that needs improving is the grammar, the punctuation, and the organization of the information. The lead is supposed to be a short summation of what the reader will find in your article. Your lead contains information not found anywhere else in the article. I think it would be best to put that in a section called "Early life" and to perhaps rewrite the lead. Most of the information on Andrea Dorfman is found in the film career section. The summaries of the film could be best suited in the filmography section. This way you can separate the narrative from the informative. Upon reading the article, I found that there was often a switch in tenses. This seemed mainly due to the switching back and forth between the two aforementioned themes. Also, describing the film's mentioned, leads to run on sentences. I have gone ahead and edited grammar and punctuation. Here are some phrases I did not change as I was not certain of what they meant. The parts that confused me are bolded:

She created a mini documentary showcasing the work that Kenyan lawyers to take the Kenyan Government to task for not protecting young girls from rape.[1]

She occasionally teaches classes at the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design and she is one of the four co-creators of Blowhard.[1] (What is blowhard? Please explain)

Dorfman finances her films by working as a camera assistant or a cinematographer on other people’s films and music videos.[1] (Do you have examples?)

I have also added some prelinks to your article as I think it never hurts to have more. Finally, not all of your films were in italics so I fixed that as well. I think it would also be great to quickly mention how her work contributed to Canadian filmmaking and how she experimented with different kinds of animation in the work section that I have added.

Please feel free to change anything as they are merely suggestions.

Namekian (talk) 22:25, 8 November 2016 (UTC)