Talk:Andy Schatz/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: TarkusAB (talk · contribs) 22:47, 13 August 2018 (UTC)

You poor soul, been waiting too long for a review. TarkusAB talk 22:47, 13 August 2018 (UTC)
 * Thanks for picking it up, . Can't wait for the review :)  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  04:24, 15 August 2018 (UTC)


 * I will edit the article as I go through making what I believe to be uncontroversial edits. Please revert if you think necessary.

Lead

 * I feel like this lead is a little short and focuses on things not really important to his overall story
 * "contributed to the California State Science Fair in 1995. He graduated from Amherst College." - These two things are good to mention in body but did not have a lasting impact on his career not important enough for lead I think
 * Some ideas of things to mention: his philosophy, efforts trying to pitch Monco, Monaco's success, his efforts to enter business school.
 * What do you think of it now?  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  09:40, 17 August 2018 (UTC)
 * I think it's better. TarkusAB talk 15:39, 17 August 2018 (UTC)

Career

 * "His introduction to the video game industry was at Netplay, an online gaming portal in 1995." - A few problems here. First, if Netplay was a website an not an actual location, I think "on Netplay" would sound better than "at Netplay". Second, what do you mean by it was his introduction to the video game industry? Did he work there? Did he just browse and post on this website? Third, This seems to line up chronologically to before he went to college. Maybe it would server better after the State Fair sentence and before he went to Amherst College.
 * If we know exactly what he did making these games it would help to say he "helped program" or "helped design" instead of the ambiguous "helped develop", but maybe we don't know.
 * "to develop a flash game for Green.com" - a very brief note on what Green.com is would provide some nice context because I'm left wondering.
 * I'm sorry, I'm not sure either. I got that information directly from Andy Schatz in an email exchange, and he linked me to this post but it doesn't have anything either.  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  09:54, 17 August 2018 (UTC)


 * In the paragraph about Wintory, you mention his work on Flow and Journey first, but then later mention thatgamecompany. I think the company should first be introduced in the game sentence as Flow and Journey to tie it all together better.

Design Philosophy

 * There is a hidden "Secion incomplete" tag here, should that be removed?

The source work and images all look fine. Mostly good, but the lead should be fleshed out somewhat. TarkusAB talk 02:09, 16 August 2018 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your review. I'll try to take a look tomorrow, but I've been quite busy recently, so it might be a couple of days.  Anarchyte ( work  &#124;  talk )  12:53, 16 August 2018 (UTC)
 * OK I think it meets the GA critera so I will pass. TarkusAB talk 15:39, 17 August 2018 (UTC)
 * Thank you, .  Anarchyte  ( work  &#124;  talk )  02:44, 18 August 2018 (UTC)