Talk:Angelo Emo/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 12:00, 9 April 2023 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 12:00, 9 April 2023 (UTC)

Prelim

 * Barbary pirates is a duplicated link
 * No edit wars
 * File:Angelo Emo Capodilista.jpg is tagged as own work from 2011 which is patently untrue
 * Indeed. Don't know how I missed that. The work is certainly old enough to be PD. I have sent an email to the uploader, he responded that the author is unknown, but that he took the picture.
 * File:Port de La Valette vers 1750 Malte.jpg PD Art template needs completing
 * Fixed.
 * File:Bombardamento di Sfax.jpg needs US PD
 * Fixed.
 * File:Angelo Emo muore. Venezia in lutto.png needs US PD
 * Fixed.
 * Earwig reports copyvio unlikely

Lede and infobox

 * Lede says "regarded as the last great admiral of the Venetian Republic", while main text says "the last of the great captains of the Venetian navy," which I believe isn't entirely the same thing
 * 'Captain' here in the sense of 'great military commander', but you are right it is confusing. Changed.
 * Link squadron
 * Done.
 * "commands and administrative appointments"
 * Fixed.
 * " Already in 1775"
 * Fixed.
 * Not a huge thing, but it isn't usual to keep flags in biography infoboxes
 * Removed.
 * Main text does not back up his dead specifically in La Valletta, Hospitaller Malta
 * Added.
 * Is Capitano Straordinario delle Navi a rank or position? If it was wartime only I would lean towards the latter, leaving Provveditore Generale da Mar as his rank in the infobox
 * Well, at this time, there was not really a distinction. Compare for example with ranks/positions like Admiral of the Blue etc in the Royal Navy of the time.
 * Would be nice to have a caption for the infobox image
 * Added.

Early life and career

 * "Eyebrows"?
 * Fixed.
 * "Angelo Emo was educated" no need to repeat forename
 * Fixed.
 * Link humanistic
 * Done.
 * "whose ancient glories" a little much. perhaps "achievements" would work better
 * Changed to 'military achievements'
 * cursus honorum links to a page on the Roman use rather than the Venetian use 1000 years later, so suggest adding a word or two of explanation
 * Changed to a wiktionary link.
 * "he entered" > "Emo entered" for first mention in new paragraph
 * Fixed.
 * "and already his first"
 * Fixed.
 * A 74 is a third rate, not a first rate
 * It is according to the Venetian practice of designating ships (which is why I also did not link it). I added a footnote on this. I am following sources here, where they always use the Venetian categorization.
 * Link second rate, and give the gun number if possible
 * Per above, would prefer not to link it. For the gun number, the only source I have access to is https://threedecks.org/index.php?display_type=show_ship&id=23586. I consider it reliable, as it uses the same sources I am trying to find (the Vascelli e Fregate della Serenissima).

Voyage of the San Carlo

 * "At the time" at what time? Not sure if you mean the century or a specific year, etc
 * Clarified
 * You might consider turning the sentence beginning "Venetian successes proved ephemeral..." into a note
 * I have pondered turning more of the section into a note, but decided against it, as the context is important: this was Venice fighting a rearguard action to revive its commerce, and Emo played a significant role there.
 * A second rate isn't a large frigate by any naval terminology I'm aware of. That would be a fifth or possibly fourth rate. If the Venetians had a different rating system then you should explain that
 * This is the Venetian system indeed, hence the clarification in parentheses. Per the footnote above.
 * Link frigate
 * Done
 * Assume Emo was in particular command of one of the three ships; do we know which one?
 * "27 September 1658" no need to repeat year here
 * Link pilot
 * Done.
 * Link vice-consul
 * Done.
 * "to two" tow?
 * Fixed.
 * Link jury-rig
 * Done.
 * Link stern
 * Done.
 * It would be useful to mention earlier that the merchant ships were waiting at Lisbon, I'd been assuming Emo was going to have to keep going to England!
 * Done
 * What's this "original total of 1236"? Earlier on you say that San Carlos's crew complement was 590; clarify if it's the entire squadron
 * Done
 * "universal acclaim" is very broad; are there any examples of particular notables congratulating him?
 * Preto says "l'universale plauso del governo" without further comment. Have switched to "acclaim from the government".
 * "in August 1759" ibid repeated year
 * Removed.

Show of force at Algiers

 * "In 1765 Emo was promoted"
 * Changed.
 * "Emo sailed to Algiers and threatened..." do we have a more specific date for this, or what force he had at his disposal?
 * "exclusive Order of the Golden Stole" I don't believe exclusive is necessary; one assumes it's not a free for all in any national order
 * Removed. The reason I added it was that its membership was deliberately kept low, at around twenty.

Russo-Turkish War

 * "to a cruise"
 * Removed.
 * Why is Emo protecting French citizens as well as Venetians?
 * Couldn't find anything on this, but I assume this is because the French did not have fleet operating in the Aegean. It is still common practice that one country will ask another country with presence in a specific warzone to take care of its citizens there.
 * "making sound judgments on their intentions" this is very vague?
 * Indeed, rephrased, hopefully better now.
 * "subjects of the Sultan" what sultan?
 * Clarified.
 * "Emo pursued them at Kythira..." when?
 * Date is not provided, unfortunately.
 * "caught in a storm"
 * Changed.
 * if we know his squadron was of four ships, useful to say this when first introducing the squadron at the beginning of the section
 * The four ships caught at Elos were not necessarily the same ships as he sailed with in 1770.
 * What type of ship was Ercole?
 * Added.
 * "swept into the sea"
 * Changed.
 * "his personal fortune"?
 * Changed.
 * "In 1772 Emo departed"
 * Changed.
 * Link Royal Navy
 * Done.
 * Can we have a translation for Savio alle Acque?
 * Done.

Demonstration off Tripoli

 * "On 18 July 1778 Emo again" there's been quite a few paragraphs in a row beginning with "In/on [date]..", suggest changing a few of them to avoid this feeling like a diary
 * Good point, done.
 * I note that there is some differentiation in how you introduce ships; if possible keep to one style (e.g. number of guns, rate of ship, name)
 * Have tried to fix inconsistencies, but the sources I rely on are sometimes also inconsistent.
 * "confront the provocations of the Pashalik of Tripolitania, which tried to exploit the "right of search"" suggest "confront the Pashalik of Tripolitania, who had tried to..."
 * Rephrased.

Director of the Arsenal and naval reforms

 * "Emo personally introduced"
 * Rephrased.
 * Perhaps "educated Paul on the details" works better than "introduced Paul into the details"
 * Good point, done.
 * "he managed to avoid the appointment by pleading ill health" is there a particular reason why he did not want it?
 * Clarified. In short, while a great honour, Venetian ambassadors were expected to pay from their own purse to maintain the status required. Plus I don't think any European diplomat was thrilled to be sent to St Petersburg at the time, away from all the baroque pleasures of the Western European courts...
 * Instead of just describing the Arsenal as a "vital institution", provide some words on what exactly its purpose was (not the same as a more standard arsenal!)
 * Good point, done.
 * Are there no more details on his move to the Signoria of Venice? Sounds important
 * I've tried to find what position Eickhoff means here, and have drawn a blank, especially as from 1784 on he was almost constantly on campaign. I think Eickhoff got a bit confused with his dates (he dates Emo's appointment to the Arsenal in 1771, and he did hold senior government offices after that). I have rephrased this.
 * "and until the end of the Republic" a particular date would be useful here
 * Done.
 * Sentence beginning "In 1783 Emo led the negotiations..." seems awkwardly out of place where it is
 * True. Have moved it up, even though it breaks the chronological order.

Naval campaigns against Tunis

 * "Emo was elected as"
 * Fixed.
 * "on a slow voyage"
 * Fixed.
 * "including the Emo's flagship"
 * Fixed.
 * Link bomb vessel
 * Done.
 * "On 1 September 1784" repeated year
 * Fixed.
 * "Emo's squadron anchored"
 * Fixed.
 * Move Tunis link to first mention
 * The Beylik of Tunis is meant, not the city. Hence 'city of Tunis' later on.
 * "12 October 1784" repeated year
 * Fixed.
 * "Emo was forced to return"
 * Fixed.
 * Why does the Bey refusing to negotiate mean Emo has to return to Malta/Sicily? Was he not there to bombard the place as well as negotiate?
 * Tunis used to lie somewhat inland, and bombarding it was not an option. Apparently there was some attempt at negotiation, which failed quickly. I have rephrased accordingly.
 * "15–17 August 1785" repeated year
 * Fixed.
 * "As the Bey continued to insist on his previous demands" what were the demands?
 * The source doesn't say; I assume related to the compensation that he claimed from Venice.
 * "on 6, 18,..."
 * Fixed.
 * "daring" seems unnecessary here
 * Fixed.
 * "effect s "
 * Fixed.
 * "military campaigns"
 * Fixed.

Final years and death

 * " in August 1787" repeated year
 * Removed.
 * Do we know what the Paros foray was for?
 * Unfortunately not.
 * " the peace negotiations"
 * Removed.
 * Choose whether you're prefixing ship names with "the" or not, try not to switch between methods
 * Fixed.

Legacy

 * "Already at the time of Emo's death"
 * Fixed.
 * " Girolamo Dandolo insisted"
 * Fixed.
 * "deputy Tommaso Condulmer"
 * Fixed.
 * "convincingly disproved by modern historians" such as?
 * Clarified.