Talk:Animal/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jens Lallensack (talk · contribs) 19:39, 8 March 2018 (UTC)

I'm on it, comments follow soon! --Jens Lallensack (talk) 19:39, 8 March 2018 (UTC)
 * Many thanks. is co-nom. We will aim to respond promptly to any concerns. Chiswick Chap (talk) 08:33, 9 March 2018 (UTC)

Comments

 * (and, with fungi, have rigid cell walls) – not sure why this needs to be mentioned within this sentence, I found it quite confusing.
 * Gone.


 * The blue whale, (Balaenoptera musculus), is the largest animal – I suggest to remove either the brackets or the commas.
 * Done.


 * and it is possible they are not really animals at all. – Either you are an animal or you are not. I would suggest to remove the "really".
 * Gone.


 * Animals are monophyletic, – I suggest adding "derived from a common ancestor" in brackets for accessibility.
 * Done.


 * An alternative to the Porifera could be the Ctenophora,[92][93][94][95] but this hypothesis has been questioned due to insufficient sampling, the rapid evolutionary rate within the Ctenophora, and their recent internal divergence date. – This sentence is unclear. What is "internal divergence date", the divergence of the crown group? How does "insufficient sampling" and "rapid evolutionary rate" possibly preclude that this group is basalmost in Animalia? If these arguments were proposed to weakening an existing hypothesis, than you might want to elaborate on that hypothesis as well, or remove this info.
 * Gone.


 * Several animal phyla lack bilateral symmetry, diverging from other animals early in evolution. – The second part of the sentence is slightly confusing, sounds like the "other animals" they diverge from are not lacking bilateral symmetry.
 * Gone.


 * molluscs, brachiopods, onychophorans, tardigrades, arthropods, echinoderms and hemichordates – some of these needs to be linked as they are first mentioned.
 * Done.


 * organization, organized, categorized, reorganized, specialized vs. colonised, idealised, palaeontologists – there is a mixture of British English vs. American English, which could be unified.
 * There is a British English tag, so have applied -ise throughout. Chiswick Chap (talk) 21:57, 10 March 2018 (UTC)


 * The tiny placozoans are similar, but they do not have a permanent digestive chamber. – needs a source.
 * Added.


 * A general note: I found the first half of the article excellently written, but then noticed that the "Evolutionary origin" and "Phylogeny" sections could do well with a good copy edit.
 * Done.


 * I only have limited time each day and need to stop for today. More comments to come! --Jens Lallensack (talk) 21:03, 10 March 2018 (UTC)


 * Animals with this bilaterally symmetric body plan have a head (anterior) and a tail (posterior) – Not sure if it would be better to speak more carefully of "head end" and "tail end", since not all of these animals have a true differentiated head?
 * Done.


 * Deuterostome embryos undergo radial cleavage during cell division, while protostomes undergo spiral cleavage. – Perhaps add when this happens exactly, and make clear it happens before the formation of the anus and mesoderm. Additionally, it might be better to explain these three differences between protostomes and deuterostomes in chronological order, it would make it easier to understand in combination with the figure.
 * Done.


 * The Spiralia are a large group of protostomes that develop by spiral cleavage in the early embryo. – Before, spiral cleavage was introduced as a feature characteristic for all protostomes. Now, this sentences reads like as that feature is specific for the spiralia.
 * Said "many protostomes".


 * That's it, the rest looks fine. Thank you for this nice, very concise and hugely important article. --Jens Lallensack (talk) 10:20, 11 March 2018 (UTC)
 * Many thanks! Chiswick Chap (talk) 11:44, 11 March 2018 (UTC)