Talk:Aquemini/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: JennKR (talk · contribs) 01:22, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

I'll review—I think you have waited long enough and I have nearly all of OutKast's studio material. —JennKR | ☎ 01:22, 6 August 2014 (UTC)
 * On hold while some fixes are addressed. Best, —JennKR | ☎ 02:38, 6 August 2014 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * Capitalize the "k" in OutKast in the first sentence (Note: this consistency runs throughout the article).
 * I'm unsure whether zodiac should be capitalized or not, the article on zodiac does not throughout.
 * "Aquemini expands on the previous record's outer space-inspired compositions by incorporating live instrumentation." Is that the only way it expands on the outer space inspired compositions of ATLiens? I feel like this could be expressed better.
 * "development of the songs on Aquemini" → "development of the album's songs"
 * "Lyrically, Outkast explores various themes" → "Lyrically Aquemini explores various themes"
 * "It was ranked as number 500" → ranked at number 500 may be better.

Background

 * "spacey, futuristic personas" I understand this as someone familiar with their work, but I think it needs revising (although I'm aware it's difficult to phrase this). In fact, you quote "more bohemian than ghetto" shortly after and this is saying a similar thing, but more eloquently.
 * I would say Erykah Badu was more neo soul than R&B, consider including this.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Recording

 * "camped out" → perhaps lived and worked?
 * "the duo utilized" → "used" is better.
 * "For the record, Big Boi undertook the responsibility of crafting the songs' hooks, while André 3000 involved himself with the album's production." A hook is still part of the production, unless you mean a lyrical hook? Revise this so it reads that Dré did most of the production, while Big Boi crafted the hook.
 * "After a long discussion that was sometimes fiery," → "After a long, heated discussion"
 * "While recording Aquemini, André 3000 drew influence from reggae music..." This sentence is awkwardly placed, consider mentioning it earlier in the section.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Music and lyrics

 * I think its redundant to mention their budget again, instead work Big Boi's comment with the second sentence about which instruments were used as I think these link nicely.
 * "Other subjects include excessive reliance on technology and the Atlanta club scene. Another theme is the..." I don't think this reads as well as it could, it becomes list-like. Work these "other subjects" into the earlier part of the section.
 * Replace "utilizing" in the last sentence.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Songs

 * "Aquemini begins with an introductory track entitled "Hold On, Be Strong," → The comma after "Be Strong" should go after and quotation mark. Also consider changing to "Aquemini begins with the introductory track "Hold On, Be Strong",...
 * "Following is "Mamacita" ← put a comma here
 * "who at the time as an inmate in a Georgia prison" → Do you mean was an inmate?
 * "The track an introduction to "Liberation" Do you mean is an?
 * "the legitimacy of the Southern hip-hop scene" could this be expressed better?
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Release

 * "the latter two" → "they" would do just fine.
 * Include an internal link to the American court case: Rosa Parks v. LaFace Records.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Critical reception

 * "called it "breathtaking in its ambition makes most rappers seem drab and doltish in comparison." Taken out of context, this reads wrongly.
 * "these songs not only make you dance, they make you sweat" I feel like including this bit means your summary of the review strays from how the record was received.
 * "submersion into the baptismal waters of the African American musical continuum" Again, this isn't telling me much either.
 * as "loud, unpretentious, eclectic kick in the ass". → as a "loud...."
 * "of the "100 Best Albums of the Nineties" made by the same magazine." Remove "made" its superfluous.
 * Paste named the album → "Paste called" may be better.
 * ranked at #50 → at number 50
 * Capitalize the e on ego trip—WP ignores stylistic choices, and this is as the start of a sentence.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 10:16, 6 August 2014 (UTC)

Legacy

 * For consistency, make the two infoboxes you use in this article the same color.
 * Done! DepressedPer (talk) 09:23, 6 August 2014 (UTC)