Talk:Arthur Phillip/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kavyansh.Singh (talk · contribs) 13:44, 29 November 2021 (UTC) Nominator: Knightmare 3112 (talk · contribs) at 05:42, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

Will review soon. Expect initial comments in a day or two. Thanks! – Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 13:44, 29 November 2021 (UTC)

Comments

 * who became the founding governor of the Colony of New South Wales. — the linking makes it appear like WP:EGG. Suggesting to replace with "who became the founding governor of the Colony of New South Wales."


 * After a distinguished maritime career — What distinguished it? Suggesting to remove the work 'distinguished'
 * Changed to lengthy


 * with the Second and Third Fleets → "with the Second and Third Fleets" (minor change in the linking)


 * may have fallen on hard times. — can we phrase it a bit more encyclopedic.
 * Changed to would of had a low income


 * and something of a perfectionist — same as above
 * Removed this sentence as quote by headmaster should be enough


 * Greenwich Hospital School v. Greenwich School — consistency needed


 * A long nose and a pronounced lower lip dominated his "smooth pear of a skull". — The prose should attribute as to who is saying that.


 * The image of HMS Buckingham could be right-aligned.


 * In July 1763, he married Margaret Charlotte Denison née Tibbott (known as Charlott) — can use Template:nee


 * the eminent scientist — could remove 'eminent'


 * of the new colony. — WP:EGG
 * Removed link


 * His suggestion that people with experience in farming, building, and crafts be included was rejected. — rejected by whom?


 * However, this "flying squadron" — the quote needs attribution


 * as "custodian of over a thousand convicts" for whom he was responsible — same


 * The quote "being with out exception the finest Harbour in the World [...] Here a Thousand Sail of the Line may ride in the most perfect Security." seems short for block-quote. Better integrate it in the prose.


 * The colony's isolation meant that it took almost two years for Phillip to receive replies to his dispatches from his superiors in London — a clarification needed tag
 * Yeah I’m not sure if this sentence should be removed or placed in another part of the article


 * Ross was quarrelsome, acting both as a focus of discontent and a major irritant — According to whom? We shouldn't be stating that in Wikipedia's voice.
 * Removed this sentence


 * (see History of smallpox in Australia). — I haven't seen that in prose section; suggesting to add this in the "See also" section


 * "Captain Arthur Phillip is not where the ledger stone says he is: it may be that he is buried somewhere outside, it may simply be that he is simply lost. But he is not where Australians have been led to believe that he now lies. — missing the closing quotation marks.


 * Can we merge the "200th anniversary" in a single para.


 * The "In popular culture" section has quite a few Proseline issues. And half of the information is maybe unsourced.
 * Fixed the prose


 * The following source doesn't have any citation:
 * Becke, Louis; Jeffery, Walter (1899). Admiral Phillip: the founding of New South Wales. Builders of Great Britain. London, England: T. Fisher Unwin. ISBN 9781409772798  – via Project Gutenberg Australia
 * Moved to further reading section


 * Suggesting to hyphenate ISBNs, using this tool


 * Lead can be expanded a bit ... especially considering length of the article.
 * How do you think it should be expended?
 * There is noting from "Legacy" section in the lead. Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 07:48, 1 December 2021 (UTC)

Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 18:20, 30 November 2021 (UTC) Few more comments
 * Almost done. Looking good so far!
 * Suggesting to add ALT text to images.
 * The character Commodore James Gilbert in Kate Grenville's 2008 novel The Lieutenant is also based on Phillip. uncited?
 * Removed as couldn’t find source


 * Page numbers for the following references are missing (maybe)
 * Ref#17 – Goldston-Morris 1997
 * Ref#28 – Carter 1988
 * Ref#30 – Kemp 2018
 * Ref#31 – Atkinson 1990
 * Ref#32 – King 2003
 * Ref#38 – Frost 2012
 * Ref#39 – Horne 1972
 * Ref#41 – King 2018
 * Ref#60 – Rees 2009
 * Ref#64 – Pembroke 2013
 * Ref#65 – Moore 1987
 * Ref#98 – Wertenbaker 1988
 * Don’t have access to other references at moment


 * Have fixed the minor inconsistencies/formatting errors in the sources myself. Have removed place of publication as they were inconsistent with rest of the sources. Feel free to revert if you disagree.
 * Instead of File:The First Fleet entering Port Jackson, January 26, 1788, drawn 1888 A9333001h(cropped).jpg, can we use File:The First Fleet entering Port Jackson, January 26, 1788, drawn 1888 A9333001h.jpg?

Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 07:48, 1 December 2021 (UTC)

Since most of the changes are made, I am passing this article. WP:AGF on references which currently don't have page numbers (56 only). Thanks for your work on this article! Kavyansh.Singh (talk) 06:30, 5 December 2021 (UTC)