Talk:Atsushi Nakajima (Bungo Stray Dogs)/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Aoba47 (talk · contribs) 00:53, 5 September 2019 (UTC)


 * Grabbing for a review. Aoba47 (talk) 00:53, 5 September 2019 (UTC)

Lead and infobox

 * I think this part (Atsushi learns from him that he has a supernatural power called) can be condensed to something like (Atsushi learns he has a supernatural power called).
 * Done
 * I do not see a reason for the Japanese translation of "Beast Beneath the Moonlight". There are so many people and characters with Japanese names so I do not see why the Japanese translation for only this instance is necessary.
 * Done

Creation and development

 * For this sentence (For the 2018 film Bungo Stray Dogs: Dead Apple, writer Asagiri told fans to focus on the psychological development of Atsushi, Kyoka Izumi, and Akutagawa.), I would remove the descriptive phrase "writer" as Kafka Asagiri had already been introduced at this point.
 * Done
 * I have a comment for this sentence (An idea not present in the film was to have the reanimated mafia member Sakunosuke Oda save Atsushi from an unknown danger and help him move forward across the storyline.). I have no idea what this part "and help him move forward across the storyline" means. I would just remove it altogether.
 * Done

In Bungo Stray Dogs

 * I would rewrite this sentence (he hates Atsushi for being Dazai's new pupil, Dazai having previously worked for the mafia) to avoid repeating "Dazai" twice, and the final part "Dazai having previously worked for the mafia" seems a little awkwardly added on the end.
 * Done
 * For this sentence (During those battles, Kyoka is arrested, and Atsushi learns that the bounty on his head was placed by the Guild, their leader Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald hinting that a hidden treasure is bound up with Atsushi's powers.). I would make the second half into its own sentence as this is rather long. I would do something like "Their leader Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald hints...).
 * Done
 * I have two suggestions for this part (Atsushi clashes with Akutagawa once again due to the need to stop the airship Moby Dick from falling into the city). I would remove "due to the need to" and just say "once again to stop". I would also say "falling on the city" rather than "falling into the city".
 * Revised.
 * Done
 * I have a question about this part (In the aftermath, Atsushi battles Nikolai Gogol,). I am assuming the "aftermath" is referencing this sentence "As their superiors search for them, Atsushi and Akutagawa decide to have a fight in the next six months to end their rivalry.". However, when I read it, I was a little confused by what the aftermath was referencing. Maybe adding something like "the aftermath of the fight"?
 * Revised.
 * For this sentence (The agency is blaming Decay of Angels for a murder inspired by a scene from a book Fitzgerald was looking for.), I would say "blames" instead of "is blaming".
 * Done.

Other appearances

 * Everything looks good here.

Popular

 * For this sentence (In promoting the film, Tobu Zoo—in Miyashiro, Saitama Prefecture—displayed a picture of Atsushi alongside the tiger mascot "Rocky-kun".), it is the first time a film is mentioned in this subsection so I would use the film's name.
 * Done
 * For this part (Yūto Uemura, collaborated in making multiple announcements that were run between February 24 and March 3, 2018), I do not think "collaborated" is the correct word choice as there is not mention of who he is collaborating with.
 * Done

Critical

 * For this part (due to feeling that Lucy became attracted to Atsushi, the reviewer expected that either a formal romance), I would just say "feeling that Lucy..." the "due to" part does not feel necessary.
 * Done
 * For this part (or a love triangle would form alongside Kyoka), I would use "with" instead of "alongside".
 * Done
 * For this part (since Bungo Stray Dogs rarely contained romance), I would use "addressed" rather than "contained".
 * For this part (The further exploration of the interactions between these two characters), I do not believe "further" is necessary so I would remove it.
 * Done

Final comments
I hope that my comments are helpful. Once everything is addressed, I will promote this as a GA. Aoba47 (talk) 01:35, 5 September 2019 (UTC) Tried revising everything. Thanks for the review.Tintor2 (talk) 01:55, 5 September 2019 (UTC)
 * Thank you for addressing everything. I will ✅ this. Aoba47 (talk) 02:44, 5 September 2019 (UTC)