Talk:Azati Prime/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Ruby2010 (talk · contribs) 23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

I shall review this, hopefully within the next few days. Thanks,  Ruby  2010/  2013  23:58, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

Comments

 * "The guest actors who portrayed members of the Xindi Council appeared in this episode..." - this reads weird, maybe because it isn't clear when they portrayed the members? Suggest a rewrite
 * Redrafted. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * " In this episode, the crew track the Xindi superweapon down to a planet..." -> In this episode, the crew track a Xindi superweapon down to a planet...
 * Changed from "the" to "a". Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "...and Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) seeks to destroy in a suicide attack." What is Archer trying to destroy? The weapon? Needs rewording.
 * Clarified. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * % vs percent - consistency needed
 * Changed to percent. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * " "Azati Prime" received Nielsen ratings of 2.6/4%, and critical reaction was mostly positive with praise directed at the pacing of the episode and the plotting of the overall arc." -- verging on a run-on sentence, could use a comma somewhere in there
 * Edited. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * Xindi is overlinked
 * Fixed - also noted I had Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula) in there twice too. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "Meanwhile, Archer orders Enterprise destroys a Xindi facility on the planet's moon so that it cannot reveal the ship's presence." -- could use a copyedit
 * Explain who or what Jannar is (like you do for Degra)
 * It was Archer's first time meeting Jannar in this episode (the audience saw him in Xindi Council meetings), so I've simply explained that he is also a Xindi. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "As Archer begins to convince them that Starfleet did not start the conflict, but Dolim..." -- would remove the "but" here
 * Done. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "Filming took eight days, concluding on January 14, although this was due to an overlap with the following episode, "Damage"." -- I don't quite understand why this was due to an overlap; could you clarify it?
 * Redrafted to explain - the episodes typically took seven days to film. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "The episode was directed by Allan Kroeker, who "The Xindi" earlier in the season..." -- word missing
 * Redrafted to remove potential repetition. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "...who occurred in their recurring roles on the Xindi council." -- "occurred" seems wrong here; maybe "appeared"?
 * Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)


 * "However, she found the pacing made..." -- not sure why you have "However" here, unless the Star Wars comparison is meant to be a negative criticism?
 * Removed the however. Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)

Otherwise, not too many issues. Will place on hold for the usual seven days. You've done a great job improving this -- the previous state of the article was awful. Keep up the good work!  Ruby  2010/  2013  04:08, 5 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review - sorry it took a couple of days to make those edits! Miyagawa (talk) 23:30, 8 December 2013 (UTC)
 * Looks good! Passing for GA.  Ruby  2010/  2013  03:46, 12 December 2013 (UTC)