Talk:Baalshillem II/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 13:48, 20 August 2023 (UTC)

Happy to review the article. AM

Lead section / infobox

 * The lead section is too short, as for instance nothing is mentioned about coinage, the name known from the statue, or the Battle of Cnidus.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Link vassal; Greek (Greek language); Phoenician (Phoenician language, in the caption and in the text of the article).
 * Google Material Design check.svg King Baalshillem I - King is redundant here.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Baana is not spelt or linked consistently.
 * Google Material Design check.svg The image of the boy needs to be located where it the sculpture is discussed.

1 Etymology

 * Google Material Design check.svg Link Greek inscriptions.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Baalshillem needs to be in italics, as it is an introduced term.
 * Google Material Design check.svg There is a clarification tag that has not been addressed,
 * Explained in the epigraphic and numismatic section. Removed redundant. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)


 * Google Material Design check.svg Unlink shipowner (it is a commonly understood term).
 * Google Material Design check.svg Delete Alternative spellings of the king's name include Baalchillem (duplicated information).

2 Chronology

 * Google Material Design check.svg Link Phoenician inscriptions (Canaanite and Aramaic inscriptions); Eshmunazar I; archaeological; Tyre.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Add a comma after Josette Elayi (minor point).
 * Google Material Design check.svg The first paragraph’s last sentence is overly long, and needs to be split into two or more smaller ones.
 * Google Material Design check.svg The first sentence of the second paragraph needs to be copy edited to improve the prose.

3 Historical context

 * Google Material Design check.svg Link galley; obverse (Obverse and reverse); Achaemenid rule (Achaemenid Empire).
 * Google Material Design check.svg The caption shouldn’t have a full stop.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Introduce and link Astarte.
 * Google Material Design check.svgPhoenicia fell under the Achaemenid rule needs to amended to improve the prose.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Avoid turnover (MOS:IDIOM).
 * Google Material Design check.svg coincides – ‘coincided’.

4 Epigraphic and numismatic sources

 * Google Material Design check.svg Main article: Baalshillem Temple Boy – needs to be deleted, as the section is about many other things.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Link Baalshillem temple boy in the text.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Why is "temple boy" within quotation marks?
 * Google Material Design check.svg Link Eshmun; iconography; trireme; papyrus.
 * ("ʿ" for his son Abdashtart) – appears to need amending.
 * No that's it. It's a 'ayin. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)


 * Google Material Design check.svg battle – ‘Battle’.
 * Google Material Design check.svgthe papyrus Sakton - ‘the papyrus as Sakton’.

8 Notes

 * Google Material Design check.svg This is an empty section and so should be removed.

10 Bibliography

 * Google Material Design check.svg The page in Boardman cannot be accessed using the url given - this is available instead.
 * Google Material Design check.svg The url for Bonnet is a commercial website, and so should be removed.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Add ‘in French’ to Bonnet, to be consistent.
 * Google Material Design check.svg Consider unlinking Lockwood Press (imo there’s no need for it to be red-linked).
 * Google Material Design check.svg Vanel should have a full citation.
 * Google Material Design check.svg The link to Zamora doesn’t allow the text to be verified, and so should be removed.
 * Link removed but the article supports the passages "Le fondateur de la dynastie, le premier Eshmounazor, aurait même pucommencer son règne, ou être confirmésur le trône, immédiatement après laconquête perse du Levant, après avoirobtenu la confiance du Grand Roi. Cela pourrait expliquer le rôle actif et la..."

On hold
I'm putting the article on hold for a week until 8 September to allow time for the issues raised to be addressed. Regards, Amitchell125 (talk) 07:05, 26 August 2023 (UTC)
 * @Amitchell125 I am back from a break please keep it on hold. el.ziade (talkallam) 09:08, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @el.ziade - What date would you like me to set for you? Best wishes (and congratulations!) Amitchell125 (talk) 10:19, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @Amitchell125 I am back to editing and will address your comments shortly. Thank you for understanding. el.ziade (talkallam) 13:46, 7 September 2023 (UTC)
 * Very helpful, thank you so much. el.ziade (talkallam) 08:26, 8 September 2023 (UTC)
 * It looks sorted now, apart from the lead, which is still too short. Amitchell125 (talk) 11:56, 8 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @el.ziade Can we complete the review please? The lead needs to be sorted by 13 September or the article will not be passed. Amitchell125 (talk) 13:07, 11 September 2023 (UTC)
 * @Amitchell125 the lead is ready. el.ziade (talkallam) 19:21, 12 September 2023 (UTC)

Passing
Passing now, many thanks for your work. Amitchell125 (talk) 06:47, 13 September 2023 (UTC)