Talk:Bad Hair Day/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: LazyBastardGuy (talk · contribs) 00:37, 6 September 2013 (UTC)

I'm such a big fan of "Weird Al", I always find it a pleasure to read his articles on Wikipedia. What better way than to review it to see if it's GA? Gimme a few, I'll be right back...

First things first, the easy stuff.
 * Files, images & sound:
 * Album cover. I would suggest getting it from a better source. I don't think some dude's weblog counts as a viable source in this regard.
 * I changed it so that it is a link to the review site Allmusic.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   18:29, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Amish family riding a buggy. Everything looks okay here.
 * Coolio. Looks fine.
 * "Amish Paradise" sample. Not too long, and adequately illustrates its point.
 * Article stability: Seems peaceful.
 * Sourcing:
 * Cite #18 has an error message.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   18:29, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Uh oh... I see this article uses Exclaim!. I once tried to use a source like this only to be informed that website was blacklisted. Was this always the case, or has the ban been lifted?
 * I'm not really sure. I can't find any place on Wikipedia that says that it is a bad source, and I never got a blacklist message when I added it. Maybe it has. It has an entry on WP:RSN, but no one said it was bad.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   18:29, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Seems mostly to rely on officially-endorsed Yankovic sources, but not by much in comparison to the rest. Website citations appear to be written like book citations, though, as the name of the site (which I think should go in the "publisher" field) is treated as "work". I could be wrong about this one, but I think that's not right.
 * I took 'publisher' to mean the company that published the website. Both field are available for a web citation, so I thought it was OK. For instance Ref. 7: The Onion publishes The A.V. Club. While The A.V. Club is the source being cited, I added The Onion since it is the site's publisher.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   18:29, 7 September 2013 (UTC)

Now, for the harder stuff - the body of the article. "...It was Yankovic's third studio album to be self-produced. The album produced an array of hit comedy singles; lead single "Amish Paradise" (which lampoons both Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" and the Amish lifestyle} charted at number 53 on the Billboard Hot 100, while "Gump", which parodies "Lump" by the Presidents of the United States of America and the movie Forrest Gump, charted at 102. The musical styles on the album are built around parodies and pastiches of pop and rock music of the mid-1990s, largely targeting alternative rock and hip-hop alike. The album also includes style parodies, imitations of specific artists like They Might Be Giants and Elvis Costello."Amish Paradise" caused a minor controversy after rapper Coolio expressed distaste at having his song spoofed by Yankovic, although the two later made amends."
 * Lead
 * Album's actual release date should be listed here, not just 1996.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Here's my take on the first couple paragraphs, rather than pointing them out phrase-by-phrase:


 * Completely rephrased.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...with many critics praising "Amish Paradise"." I think we need to say "..."Amish Paradise" ", because having looked at the Reception section those who said they liked it also expressed that they liked other things on the album too, this was just their favorite so far as I could tell.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Don't need to reiterate how "Amish Paradise" charted. Any reference to "Amish Paradise" becoming one of his signature songs should probably go in the first paragraph (when amended closer to what I wrote above).
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...sold 1,317,000 copies in the US in 1996 alone. It is the highest sales tally..." --> "...sold 1,317,000 copies in the US in 1996 alone, the highest sales tally..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Bad Hair Day was Yankovic's sixth Gold record, and went on to be certified Platinum for sales of over one million copies in the United States. The album also went Platinum in Canada." It went Gold where? According to which certification company? And if possible could you date these certifications?
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Production


 * Comma in the first sentence after "Recorders" is unnecessary.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "First leg" is informal. Could probably take out "leg" and not replace it with anything.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Yankovic produced the sessions himself" would look nicer joined to the last sentence with a comma and rewritten as, "...which he produced himself" (referring to the BHD sessions as a whole).
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Backing Yankovic", as with the UHF article, should be "Recording with Yankovic".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Second instance of "produced" (meaning what songs were made) would look nicer with "resulted in".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "The fourth session "The Alternative Polka" medley," the fourth session what?
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "The song was written to be a style parody of the type of music that was produced in Seattle, most notably grunge." Seems clunky.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Reading "brutally murdered" made me laugh. Brilliant. But "At the 3:10", sounds like you meant to say "At the 3:10 ."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Comma surplus after "backwards message".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't care if you end a sentence with a preposition or not, but "The next song that was worked on" kinda bugs me. Maybe, "The next song produced" or something.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "While Yankovic's record label..." --> "Although Yankovic's record label..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...tour in 1999. It combines elements..." --> "...tour in 1999, combining elements..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Pointing-out that the "Extra Gory version" had different lyrics in concert is one thing, but pointing-out that it was later re-released on a greatest hits is a bit excessive as far as the detail goes, especially since right after that we go into, "Also recorded that day..." so my suggestion would be to take it out entirely.
 * Removed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...a scratch guitar track was recorded. When the song was being mixed, however..." --> "...a scratch guitar track was recorded; when the song was being mixed, the track was removed."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Steve Jay proved the low voices in the song what?
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Spoof" - I don't know the policy on this word. If it's considered too informal, I would suggest "play" instead.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...who brought a real drill and a human tooth. The two then took turns drilling at the object to ensure the authenticity." Really pulled-out the thesaurus for this one, eh? ;) Might I suggest:


 * "...who brought a real drill and a human tooth; the two took turns drilling the tooth to create a genuine sound effect."


 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "There's" - woah, way too informal.
 * That was a remnant from before I worked on this. ;) Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Due to the fact that" - because (why say in five syllables what you can say in two?)
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...by Presidents of the United States of America." I think it should say "the Presidents".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Minor nitpick: Is it necessary to recount the plot to Forrest Gump here? I could go either way on this one.
 * I only kept it for the reason that someone might not know what/who Forrest Gump is.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Gump was eventually released as the second single..." "Second single" makes it clear it didn't come first. You don't need "eventually".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Yankovic was attracted towards Coolio..." This sounds... odd.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "He noted:" no colon, needs a comma instead
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Awhile" sounds informal. Try "a time" instead (just as vague, less casual).
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Again, "spoof" may be too informal as well. "Lampoon" sounds more academically-accepted.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * The hyphens need spaces before and after them. The words look crowded without those spaces.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "The song is a loving ode..." could probably join this with the previous sentence getting rid of "The song is" and just replace that chunk with a comma.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Anytime the album title is mentioned it must be italicized.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Weezer's front man" --> "Weezer frontman"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * How does one "physically" cut part of a song out of a recording? Even if this means he had to take a razor to the master tape, this is an unnecessary adverb unless the method of removal is 1) described in detail by the source and 2) is significant for how it was carried-out.
 * He had to physically cut the master tape; this was explicitly stated (and emphasized) in the source, so I kept it, but tried to make it clearer.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Thanked" --> "given credit"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "Entitled" --> "called"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Just to sound-off for a moment here: The word "however" is used so often on WP in cases like this it drives me crazy every time I see it. I suggest rewriting that entire bit to read: "Despite not being able to parody "Come Out and Play", Yankovic would later be granted permission to parody their 1998 hit "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" as "Pretty Fly for a Rabbi" on his 1999 album Running with Scissors."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "The Beatles's" --> The Beatles'
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I'm not sure we should say it was a 90s hit for the Beatles. Maybe say, "The Beatles' Anthology hit".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...if he could have permission to write and record a parody for..." It's already established what Yankovic was trying to do. I suggest, "...if he could have permission to do so...".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "turned the decision over to" this sounds slightly informal. Just a nitpick, I could live if this wasn't fixed.
 * I left it since I couldn't find a good way to change it and merge the next sentence.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "She denied permission, however, because..." --> "...over to Yoko Ono, who denied permission because..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "make it about" --> "write it about"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "The Rembrandts, much like U2..." --> "The Rembrandts had also approved of Yankovic's parody request, but the problem lay with the producers of Friends..."
 * Actually, even better: "The Rembrandts had also given approval when Yankovic asked, but..."  Lazy Bastard  Guy  18:50, 7 September 2013 (UTC)


 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Didn't Alapalooza get released a few years before Bad Hair Day? How could the tour for that album have happened after this one?
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Even then, I'm not sure specifying which tours the rejected parodies were performed on is all that important.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Controversy


 * "The album's lead-off parody..." --> "The album's lead single..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Who did Yankovic ask about the parody if he didn't ask Coolio himself? Whose record label said he could go ahead and do it?
 * Tried to clarify. I'm not sure who Yankovic talked to, but it was Yankovic's label that gave him the greenlight.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "surprised as anyone" --> "very surprised"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "featured" - "feature"
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Release

Whew! That was definitely much harder than the UHF review. Still rewarding all the same. I know how eager you'll be to fix this up, so I'll just put it on hold and not tell you for how long.
 * "Boosted" sounds informal.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "helped the initial release" needs a with after "helped".
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "performed at over 130 stops" --> "performed over 130 concerts" (although this sounds rather sensational; if you can get a precise figure and remove the "over" that would be great)
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...as a "a sophomoric attempt..."" a few too many a's in there.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...on the album are Yankovic's originals." Awkward switch of verb tense here - past or present would work fine in my book, but try to keep it consistent throughout this section.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Did Mr. Considine refer to Yankovic or his music? Awkward switch of subject here.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I don't know how we handle quoted statements, but in general I think minor fixes such as italicizing things that weren't italicized in the original publication of the quote is okay. So Bad Hair Day needs italicized in the Allmusic review.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I think it should read like this: Rolling Stone Record Guide (even if only Rolling Stone is italicized). Also, is there anything else the publication said in regards to the album?
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...released on March..." and also, is it still his best-selling to date or was it just at the time?
 * As of the information I could find, yes.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I've never seen an album article that says which position on the chart was the last for the album to occupy.
 * There's a weird story to that; Billboard used to have this thing called "The Visualizer" which allowed you to track an album/single's charting history. However, this device got removed sometime ago, so that line was just a vestigial remain. I've removed it.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...certified gold, and then on June 11..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "By July 1997, the album sold 1.7 million copies." Present past tense should be avoided when discussing something that isn't all that recent.
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * "...Canadian Albums chart and was later certified Platinum for sales of over..."
 * Fixed.-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviewing this one! I think I responded to all our your concerns. How does it look now?-- Gen. Quon   (Talk)   22:02, 7 September 2013 (UTC)
 * I went ahead and made a few changes myself, either things I missed the first two times around (and didn't want to bother you about since it would just be easier for me to fix) or stuff I had new ideas for upon seeing them again. By the way, with regard to Rolling Stone Record Guide, I believe what I meant to say there is (even if only Rolling Stone is ), but you seemed to get what I was saying. So now, I am quite satisfied, and your hard work has paid-off. It's a definite pass.