Talk:Baldies/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 21:00, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Alright, lets see how this is.


 * As a general note, its best to avoid having more than 3 citations in a row- after that, it starts being a speedbump to readers that breaks up the flow. Usually, the solution would be to break up the clump of citations by citing individual facts/clauses individually, but in this case you have four or five citations for single sentences that contains nothing controversial or complicated. Chop it down to the two or three most relevant.

Lead

 * It was later ported to PC... - "It was later ported to the PC..."
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * initially intended to be published by Mindscape before publishing duties were transferred to GameTek instead. - "intended to be published first by Mindscape and then by GameTek.
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Wightman designed the game's concept from scratch - "from scratch" is unnecessary
 * Removed the highlighted words from the lead section. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Same sentence could use context that Populous and Lemmings are both simulation/god game/strategy titles as well, however you want to phrase it
 * Hmm... let me see how i can rephrase that sentence. (P.S.: ✅ -- Change applied, more or less...) Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:42, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * but the game wound up unreleased - "but this version was never published.", as you already talked about it getting released for different platform(s) instead.
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * and level of gameplay freedom given to players in doing anything - "and level of gameplay freedom given to players"
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Ports for 3DO Interactive Multiplayer and Amiga CD32 were also in development but never released as well. - "Ports for 3DO Interactive Multiplayer and Amiga CD32 began development but were never released.", also this is out of place and should probably be just after the "Amiga demo" bit.
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 22:33, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Gameplay

 * Re-link the genre terms in the first sentence
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * using a hand cursor - given that you don't go on to talk about the control mechanisms in this paragraph, things seem out of order here; similarly, it's not until the third paragraph that you tell the reader that Baldies aren't controlled directly but that the player picks them/things up and places them so that they start interacting with whatever they're near. This is pretty critical to understanding how the game works, and should be in the first paragraph
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Red Baldies are workers that generate energy to terraform the playfield and unlock angel wings in order to grant them the ability to fly. This is achieved after constructing four big houses. - Assuming I understand this correctly, would be better as "Red Baldies are workers that generate energy to terraform the playfield. Once four big houses are constructed, they can grow angel wings that let them fly."
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Blue Baldies act as builders capable of improving a house or build new houses, barracks or laboratories - tense: "improving", therefore "building"
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * They can maintain each structure from falling apart against multiple disasters. - not sure what this means
 * I'm gonna try to make this more clear, but the other function blue Baldies have is that they can prevent structures from falling appart when a disaster occurs. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * They can be equipped with weapons outside of barracks during their first phase - this is the only mention of "phases" in this section, what does it mean?
 * Removed sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * The player can change their role - whose role? White Baldies, or all Baldies?
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * The third paragraph uses "also" and "in addition" several times, which should be cut
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Does the game only end when the Baldies all die, like the text said, or also when the Hairies all die? And does that end the game or the level?
 * The game ends when all the Baldies are defeated by the Hairies. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:08, 20 July 2023 (UTC)

Development

 * Creative Edge has previously worked - had
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Wightman recounted the project's creation and history in interviews. - sentence adds nothing
 * Removed sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Same Mindscape/Gametek comment as in the lead above
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Do we know why it switch publishers twice?
 * I tried to find a reason but to no avail, although Wightman did denote in the April 1995 issue of Amiga Power that the game changed its publisher (Mindscape to GameTek). Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Wightman commented that, Wightman also revealed that -> "According to Wightman," the first time, nothing the second as its a continuation.
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * due to the mouse handler routines not being written on schedule. - "as mouse support for the game was not completed in time."
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 00:43, 20 July 2023 (UTC)

Release

 * by the press that were invited to Atari - is this different than the event later in this sentence?
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:47, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * being the smallest game released for Jaguar CD - "and was the smallest game released for the Jaguar CD"
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:28, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * before the division closed down in 1996, until it was eventually published - "before the division closed down in May 1996, and was instead published
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:28, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * bald-haired promoters - "bald promoters"
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:28, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * This version features pre-rendered visuals compared to - not sure what "compared to" means here
 * Removed sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:28, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * The PlayStation port sentence is unclear if all three dates are in 2003 - they're out of order if so
 * ✅ -- I denoted that the Japanese release came first, then the European release, and later the North American release (very late for the PS1). Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:28, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Reception

 * Reception should be organized by theme- e.g. a paragraph about gameplay, a paragraph about graphics, etc., not one sentence per reviewer. Otherwise, it's just a litany of "Reviewer X said Y".
 * You really don't have to use a different verb for every sentence, repeating "said" and "felt" is fine
 * Did some changes in the reception section. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Not sure why the ST Magazine sentence calls out that it was the Jaguar CD version but the previous reviews don't say anything
 * Removed sentence. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * criticized that the graphics are mediocre and the controls are difficult to get used to - tense switch for the "are"s
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * prasied
 * ✅ -- Typo fixed. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * and saw the visuals to be dated. - "and called the visuals dated."
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)


 * GameRevolution's Mark Cooke also gave Baldies a positive outlook. - Unclear and vague
 * Moved GameRev reference into the first sentence of the first paragraph, and removed the last sentence from the reception section. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)
 * Full disclosure: the reception section is still (even with all that i've learned in my five years on Wikipedia) my weak point, particularly condensing every thought of the game's aspects by reviewers into their own paragraphs. That is why i do it the way you saw it during the review process (in chronological order). Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:25, 20 July 2023 (UTC)

Legacy

 * and formed part in a string - "and was part of a string", except it doesn't because it was released by Atari. That sentence could be clearer- maybe "Baldies was one of several projects by Creative Edge Software planned to be published by Atari for the Jaguar, but was the only one released due to X. The others were near completion when they were cancelled: x, y, z. ". Also, why weren't they released? Discontinuation of the Jaguar, I'm guessing, but you should say.
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:02, 19 July 2023 (UTC)


 * Since it's directly after talking about other games, "A follow-up title to Baldies named Skull Caps"
 * ✅ -- Change applied. Roberth Martinez (talk) 23:02, 19 July 2023 (UTC)

Hopefully this is all doable. Placing on hold for now. -- Pres N  21:00, 19 July 2023 (UTC)
 * Okay, i managed to do the first pass so i'll wait for additional comments. Roberth Martinez (talk) 01:26, 20 July 2023 (UTC)
 * Alright, I made some tweaks myself (moving gameplay sentences around, mostly), and I'll let the reception thing go. Promoted. -- Pres N  02:48, 21 July 2023 (UTC)
 * Thank you for taking the time to review the article! Roberth Martinez (talk) 13:42, 21 July 2023 (UTC)