Talk:Battle of Dunbar (1650)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 13:12, 28 July 2020 (UTC)

Comments
 * Up front, not a subject matter expert so I may ask as many questions as I give comments!
 * Fire away.


 * "The Battle of Dunbar was a battle ..." never keen on "the X was an X" style opener.  Perhaps just say "The Battle of Dunbar took place..."?
 * Fixed.


 * "the execution of his father, Charles I. Following Charles I's execution " repetitive.
 * Fixed.


 * "suffered heavy casualties" I think it may be worth noting how  many in the lead for context.
 * Done.


 * David Leslie is linked to a different target in the infobox.
 * Fixed.


 * Why is Cromwell in bold in the infobox? See MOS:BOLD.
 * Fixed.


 * "Charles was also, ..." looong sentence. Consider split.
 * Split into three.


 * Two different links to Heads of Proposals...?
 * I am not seeing this.
 * "Newcastle propositions" and "Heads of Proposals". The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 17:19, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * I see what you're getting at. The Newcastle propositions and the Heads of proposals are currently dealt with in a single article. Really, we should have separate articles on these two separate things, I might deal with that later. I've directed the first link to the relevant bit of the article for now - is that better? Girth Summit  (blether)  17:53, 28 July 2020 (UTC)


 * "Charles set sail to Scotland, landing on 23 June.[20] With Charles II on his way to a Scotland" again,  a bit repetitive.
 * Rephrased.


 * "crossing the Tweed on 22 July.[24]" the lead says that 15,000 men  did this, but that's not related in the main body?
 * "The New Model Army mustered on 22 July 1650, immediately prior to crossing into Scotland. The 8 infantry regiments, notionally of 1,200 men each, totalled 10,249. Their 7 cavalry regiments and several ancillary mounted units were slightly above their complement of 5,400. The artillery component numbered 640, giving the English a total of 16,345 fighting men at this point."
 * So 15,000 or 16,345? Sorry,  perhaps I'm missing the point. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 17:19, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * No, if we are not being clear, that is our problem. GS wrote the lead and I think used a different source which didn't include the artillerymen. Even so, 16,345 is "over 15,000". But point taken and now changed to 'over 16,000'.


 * "8,000–10,000 infantry" infobox has 8,000–9,500 infantry.
 * Fixed.


 * "did withdraw, to the port of Dunbar.[28] The English army reached Dunbar " mildly repetitive again.
 * Fixed.


 * " the men arrived, according to one of its officers" reads odd to me, one of their officers?
 * Fixed.


 * Link Berwick.
 * Done.


 * Start of "Infantry" section has a lot of short sentences, makes for a choppy read.
 * Three shortish sentences: tweaked a bit, see what you think.


 * "consumption of a vast amount," of?
 * "keeping the slow match burning at all times resulted in the consumption of a vast amount" Is that really unclear?
 * A vast amount of the "slow match", I get it. It would make more sense (to me) to switch it, i.e. a vast amount of slow match was required to keep it burning at all times, but I get it. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 17:24, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * To me, your suggestion gets the consequence before the cause and is likely to be difficult for a reader to unravel; but I am not that bothered either way.


 * "The pikemen also carried basic swords.[45] Pikemen typically wore a steel helmet, but no other armour.[" consider merging these two short sentences.
 * Done.


 * "c.1630 –40" -> "c. 1630 – 1640"
 * Fixed.


 * "less than 700 men" fewer. Etc.
 * Fixed.


 * "logistical" is linked on the second usage in the main body.
 * Fixed.


 * What is "provender"?
 * Changed to 'food'.


 * "Stuart Reid and Malcolm Wanklyn[31] believe t" odd/awkward ref placement.
 * Changed.


 * "a drakie nycht full of wind and weit" translation? a {something} night full of wind and wet?
 * It is in English! Translation added.


 * "[48][71][70][72]" order
 * Not required by any policy or guideline, but done.


 * "foul night " Shakespearean, not encyclopedian.
 * Rephrased. (Nb: "foul" is still used.)


 * "At approximately 4:00 am " perhaps reinforce "on 3 September" here.
 * Done.


 * " 5:00 with sunrise at 5:33," these need am.
 * Added.


 * Cannons get mentioned now, are those equivalent to field guns?
 * No; but in this usage yes. Used because 'field gun fire' would sound odd. I could use 'artillery fire'?
 * I'm just trying to alleviate any potential confusion for our readers who may not equate cannon with field gun. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 17:24, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * Ah. Changed to 'The fire of the English field guns ...'


 * " Hamilton) in December.[115][119] ...  In December ..." repetitive.
 * Language tweaked.


 * Link Perth.
 * Done.


 * ECML -> Main Line.
 * What?
 * Done


 * Consider linking Historic Environment Scotland.
 * Done.


 * Any explanation as to why the battlefield is known as Battle of Dunbar II?
 * Because of Battle of Dunbar (1296), but it seemed off topic to start talking about a different battle on the most tenuous of reasons.


 * Ref 18 -> pp.
 * Done.

That's all I have. A throughly well-written piece of work, good stuff. I'll put it on hold while we zip through these. Cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 13:12, 28 July 2020 (UTC)


 * I'll have first crack at these. Gog the Mild (talk) 13:38, 28 July 2020 (UTC)


 * Thanks TRM, just what we needed and much appreciated. Your comments above all addressed. See what you think. Gog the Mild (talk) 14:39, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * , crikey - that first crack seems to have addressed everything. ECML is East Coast Main Line - I'll fix that. I agree with artillery fire, but will leave that to your judgement, and for TRM to respond to your other queries. Girth Summit  (blether)  15:52, 28 July 2020 (UTC)


 * I think that is all of your follow up points covered. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:14, 28 July 2020 (UTC)

Happy with this now. Guys, this is beyond GA by a mark. Good luck at FAC, that's definitely where I'd expect to see this, like, tomorrow. The Rambling Man (Stay indoors, stay safe!&#33;!&#33;) 21:59, 28 July 2020 (UTC)
 * , many thanks. We were planning on running it through GoCE and then, ye indeed, sending it to FAC. Possibly we will see you there? Gog the Mild (talk) 09:13, 29 July 2020 (UTC)