Talk:Battle of Puketutu/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 17:35, 13 January 2023 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 17:35, 13 January 2023 (UTC)

Prelim

 * No duplicated links
 * File:Battle of Puketutu by John Williams.jpg and File:HekeKawiti1846.jpg need US PD, and File:Storming of John Heki's pah, New Zealand, on the 8th. of May 1845 (cropped).jpg could do with one too
 * Have added US tags to these images. Zawed (talk) 08:20, 16 January 2023 (UTC)


 * No edit wars
 * Earwig repots copyvio unlikely

Lede and infobox

 * Hone Heke has the accent in the main text but not in the lede
 * Done in lead and infobox. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Link sacking
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Is Puketutu different to Puketutu Island?
 * Correct, it is different. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Suggest replacing "miserable" with "difficult" or similar
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "there were repeated"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * While I believe expectation is usually to remove flags from infoboxes, we seem to keep them for battles
 * I've removed them, I was copying the info box used in another article but always thought it a bit odd that one side has the flags and not the other. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Ranks don't need to be in the infobox, must names
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * What's going on with the blank space next to the Māori names? If there's no flag you just don't leave a gap, surely?
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Suggest replacing taua with war party in the infobox, as people will be reading that without having read the article to know what it means
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Article says there were 320 British Army soldiers not 300, and 87 rather than 100 RN/RM personnel?
 * Made consistent with text. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Ibid Kawiti, 140 in text 150 in infobox
 * Made consistent with text. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * The British wounded figure should be 30–40?
 * Made consistent with text. Zawed (talk) 06:23, 20 January 2023 (UTC)

Background

 * Suggest changing "the Crown" to "the British Crown"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Could we have an extra sentence explaining exactly what this "legal basis" allowed?
 * I have revised this as suggested in a way to also set up the "intentions" comment below. Zawed (talk) 08:21, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "the relocation"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "contrary to the intentions of the Treaty of Waitangi" how so?
 * I have reworded this and tied it into the explanation of the Treaty earlier in the section. Zawed (talk) 08:21, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Is dominance the right word here for the flagstaff? Perhaps control?
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:30, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "actions were"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "and affected its credibility" > ", affecting its credibility"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Note 1 assumes you've already told us Hobson was governor but you haven't
 * I've deleted the note; trying to work in the point that Hobson later became the first governor probably isn't worthwhile for the purpose of this article. Zawed (talk) 08:33, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Link blockhouse
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * We don't prefix HMS with "the", because that would mean "the His Majesty's Ship"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Give Hazard a brief description, e.g. "the sloop HMS Hazard..."
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:00, 20 January 2023 (UTC)

Battle of Kororāreka

 * Can you introduce the size of Kawiti's force here or is it only known for the later date?
 * Have clarified, I actually had the wrong number for Heke's force. Zawed (talk) 03:50, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Kororāreka was abandoned"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:38, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "HMS Hazard" don't need to repeat the HMS after first mention
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:38, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Even some settlers participated in the looting." this is worded as if it is of special import?
 * I was trying to get across that it wasn't just Māori involved. Zawed (talk) 08:38, 20 January 2023 (UTC)

Government response

 * This section might be better as a level 3 heading within Battle of Kororāreka
 * Done, but I have broken out some content into a level 2 heading. Zawed (talk) 03:36, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Name the Governor of New South Wales here
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:43, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "in the form of"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:43, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * iwi should be italicised
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:43, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Angered by Heke's actions"?
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:43, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Repeat comment about not prefixing HMS with "the", and explanation of ship§
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:43, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * If there's no link for Otuihu can you provide some kind of geographical explanation? ibid Waiōmio
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 03:15, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * " at the very least "
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:54, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Nene's taua was at Ōkaihau" reword this, sounds like you're introducing it for the first time but it's already been mentioned
 * Rephrased. Zawed (talk) 08:54, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "offered a better opportunity"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 08:54, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "would also allow the expected engagement to occur over open ground" does this mean other routes would not have allowed? A little explanation would be useful
 * Have revised. Zawed (talk) 03:15, 21 January 2023 (UTC)

Prelude

 * Remove repeated "HMS"s
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Do we know Egerton's first name?
 * It is not available. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Link acting
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Personally I don't put "the" before ship names at all, but it's ok to do so when the prefix isn't present. Just make sure you're consistent!
 * Removed. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Do you mean overestimated?
 * Whoops, yes I did mean that! Fixed. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "It may have been that..." this is an argument, give the name of who opines it
 * Clarified opinion. Zawed (talk) 03:34, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "affected their gunpowder." vague; damaged might work better
 * Don't think damaged is the correct word, just went with wet. Zawed (talk) 09:12, 20 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "was substantially in the form of a square" substantially? not sure that makes much sense or in necessary
 * Have deleted substantially. Zawed (talk) 03:32, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "A series of three palisades were in place" where is this?
 * Clarified. Zawed (talk) 03:32, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "It is also likely" another opinion
 * Clarified opinion. Zawed (talk) 03:32, 21 January 2023 (UTC)

Battle

 * "but despite this" > "Despite this,"
 * Fixed. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "as was at least some of his men" were not was; assume this means some of the army were not confident which is probably a more important point to emphasise
 * Actually not intending to imply a lack of confidence, it is just that there was only one oral statement in my sources from a rank-and-file soldier saying they were confident, or words to this effect. I have revised and included a quote. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Is it possible to describe what these "different routes" were?
 * I fear I have gone beyond the scope of the sources in terms of "different routes", so have deleted this mention. Zawed (talk) 05:07, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "presumably to breach the palisades" another opinion?
 * Revised. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Lieutenant Egerton" no need to repeat rank
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "The use of the rockets was a failure and may have provided" > "The failure of the rockets may have provided..."
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "may have provided" needs attribution too imo
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 05:07, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Just prior to this, a red flag had been raised and lowered within the pā." why is this useful?
 * This goes toward the coordination between Heke and Kawiti, I have expanded on this. In doing so, I discovered in terms of sequence of event I had this in the wrong place so have fixed this. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * " having caused British attackers to lose..." this is a strangely worded sentence, suggest rewriting more clearly (e.g. get rid of "lose")
 * Have rephrased. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * effect not affect
 * Fixed. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "This was likely to have been important" ibid earlier opinion-like phrases
 * Clarified opinion. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * " died later died"
 * Fixed. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "was fortunate to not have been killed" how so?
 * Have clarified. Zawed (talk) 04:16, 21 January 2023 (UTC)

Aftermath

 * "Pakaraka, closer to their home region" not sure we know where either Pakaraka or their home region are?
 * Clarified. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Maungakawakawa" ibid
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "On receiving Hulme's overly optimistic report" how was it optimistic?
 * Have clarified. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "trumpeted" suggest a less flowery word like "announced" or "proclaimed"
 * Went with declared. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Ngapuhi" should this be the Ngapuhi, and have an accent?
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "regarded as representing a victory for the Māori" according to who?
 * Made this more succinct, each of the cited sources call it a victory. Zawed (talk) 05:09, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "was important to their success"
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "For the British..." have read this sentence several times but still struggling to figure out what it's meant to be telling us apart from that their weren't idiots compared to...someone?
 * Have rephrased. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "is privately owned farmland" an "as of.." would be good here
 * Done. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "of present day Ōkaihau" do you mean "of" here? Doesn't seem to make sense
 * Fixed. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Note #5 could be included at the end of the aftermath section in the main text when discussing the British response to the battle?
 * Have moved to the discussion of the present day site. Zawed (talk) 04:45, 21 January 2023 (UTC)