Talk:Battle of Tulkarm

Copy edit request
Hello. I have added these remarks to your request at GOCE, which has been archived. When the changes are made, you are welcome to request another copy edit.


 * I think for a GAR this article will need some more development. You will need to provide some First World War background for the lead, so a reader coming across the article can learn something about the wider significance of this battle. We need to know in simple terms why the British and Ottomans were there, where they had come from, what their goals were, who their commanders were, and why there were German troops fighting with the Turks. The story needs to stand alone, rather than being read as a disjointed part of a series on the Middle East conflict, as it does now. Good luck. Rumiton (talk) 13:00, 11 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Thanks for that. I've attempted to answer your questions briefly and simply. --Rskp (talk) 03:26, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
 * OK, thanks, a lot better but I think we still have a way to go. I would like to see the lead start out something like: "The Battle of Tulkarm was fought on (date) near the town of (name) in present-day (country and region), when troops of (country), who were attempting to (what) clashed with troops from (country) and (country), who were trying to (do something else). It was a (significant) battle of the (name) campaign, as it led to (what). There were (number) casualties." The lead needs to give the casual reader a summary of the article. If the rest of the article does not currently give these details, some more research might be needed. Rumiton (talk) 13:01, 16 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Then you would have it read "The Battle of Tulkarm was fought on 19 September resulting in the capture of Tulkarm on the West Bank in the Palestinian territories when British Empire troops attacked German Empire and Ottoman Empire forces. The Battle of Tulkarm formed a part of the Battle of Sharon which in turn was a part of the Battle of Megiddo; which set piece battle resulted in the defeat of three Ottoman armies and the capture of tens of thousands of prisoners and many miles of formerly Ottoman territory from Nablus to Aleppo."

There was no "attempt" or "trying to" this was a battle which resulted in a very significant victory. I don't know what you are referring to here "It was a (significant) battle of the (name) campaign, as it led to (what)." Tulkarm was only part of Megiddo; each part of Megiddo was important but no more so than any other, its all integrated. --Rskp (talk) 03:03, 17 June 2012 (UTC)
 * That's fine. I am something of a WW1 buff myself, but never happened to hear of this battle. I have no prejudices about it. I was just asking that you explain the significance of the battle for other people who also don't know. I think what you have suggested above is pretty good, but I would also like to learn something more of the strategic significance of the battle. Was it just attrition, much like Verdun, or were the British trying to win enemy-held territory? If so, what towns or areas were they aiming at, and how well did they succeed? From which direction did they advance? What happened to the defeated armies? Things like that. Rumiton (talk) 09:55, 20 June 2012 (UTC)
 * OK, reading through again, I think most of my questions are answered in the main body, but it is hard to understand. For example, could you perhaps rewrite this sentence: This tactic was so successful that the front line was quickly cut and the way cleared for the British Empire cavalry divisions of Desert Mounted Corps to quickly advance northwards up the Plain of Sharon to capture the Ottoman lines of communication in the rear of the two Ottoman armies German and Ottoman positions being attacked in the Judean Hills. I can't copyedit it if I can't understand it, and I can't. Thank you. Rumiton (talk) 10:15, 20 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Sorry that was a terrible sentence. Its been re edited. --Rskp (talk) 04:53, 23 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Thank you Rumiton, very much for copy editing this article. All the best, --Rskp (talk) 07:32, 28 June 2012 (UTC)
 * You are most welcome. It's an interesting article. Rumiton (talk) 08:15, 28 June 2012 (UTC)