Talk:Bekah Brunstetter/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)

I'll review. My initial comments should be up within a few days. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 02:27, 28 May 2019 (UTC)

We'll start with the infobox, lead section, and "Early life and education".

Infobox

 * File:Bekah Brunstetter at 18th Annual Pacific Playwrights Festival in 2015.jpg is appropriately licensed
 * Keeping WP:INFOBOXREF in mind, try to cite content within article prose instead of here
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 20:59, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
 * I recommend consolidating "screenwriter" and "playwright" into the collective term "writer" for occupation as this is a singular term that covers both fields
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 20:37, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
 * How recent is this residence? It's hard to tell when no publish date is given in the used source, and I'd prefer something with one so it's easier to attribute the update.
 * The source is her own professional bio, which she probably keeps up to date. Several sources mention that she lives in Los Angeles (e.g. from 2017). So maybe the question is whether we just believe her and put an As of in there dated today based on her current self-authored bio, or go with an older secondary RS and say As of, e.g., 2017. Which do you think would be better? Bakazaka (talk) 21:18, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
 * I'm not doubting her word for this, just wasn't sure when it was last updated. It's better to go with a secondary source in this case because that gives a date to go off of. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 04:14, 2 June 2019 (UTC)
 * That makes sense. As of 2017, cited to The Interval, where the residence claim is made in the introductory material before the interview. ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 04:54, 2 June 2019 (UTC)

Lead

 * See above note on consolidating screenwriter and playwright
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 20:37, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
 * If anywhere, I'd mention nominations in article body instead of here; actual wins are more lead-worthy
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 20:43, 1 June 2019 (UTC)

Early life and education

 * Can you be more specific on how many brothers she has? I only count three so far in one ref used, which would make "several" an exaggeration as that would imply five or more.
 * "Three" it is. ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 20:47, 1 June 2019 (UTC)
 * I can't find anything that states or even suggests Mount Tabor High School in either citation
 * The third sentence from the second citation: After attending Mt. Tabor High School and UNC-Chapel Hill, Brunstetter moved to New York City to work on her master’s degree and to pursue her dreams. Bakazaka (talk) 01:44, 29 May 2019 (UTC)
 * My bad; not sure how I missed that one! SNUGGUMS (talk / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:45, 29 May 2019 (UTC)


 * Let's elaborate on how she changed paths from poetry to writing plays, specifically input from her professors in college
 * Took a crack at this by splitting that paragraph and expanding the second half a bit with the source you suggested and another interview in The Daily Tar Heel. Bakazaka (talk) 05:13, 2 June 2019 (UTC)

I'll be back with more later. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:28, 29 May 2019 (UTC)

Early plays

 * It would probably help to put "generally unconvincing" in quotation marks when this is an exact phrase used in The New York Times
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Let's include reviewers' names
 * ✅ for this section, will do the same for other sections as we go through them. Bakazaka (talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)
 * "less positive"..... I'd go with favorable so the word "positive" and its forms aren't used so repetitively
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 06:19, 9 June 2019 (UTC)

Expanding into screenwriting

 * "theatre agent" → theater agent, use American spelling for an article on an American subject
 * ✅ That looks like the only English variant spelling, not counting proper names and titles (e.g. American Theatre magazine, Alley Theatre, etc.) Bakazaka (talk) 06:30, 9 June 2019 (UTC)
 * "worked as a staff writer for three years"..... seasons would be more accurate
 * ✅ Bakazaka (talk) 06:30, 9 June 2019 (UTC)

Sorry, this update was definitely overdue. I'll still review in chunks though. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 06:01, 9 June 2019 (UTC)

The Cake and American Gods

 * This doesn't mention Neil Gaiman or his book
 * ✅ Added inline cite to another ref in the article that discusses this specific relationship. Bakazaka (talk) 04:24, 19 June 2019 (UTC)

This Is Us (2016–present)

 * No mention of when this series debuted?
 * ✅ Rephrased to specify year of debut, which is already supported by cited source. Bakazaka (talk) 04:27, 19 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Starting two consecutive sentences with "she" feels repetitive
 * ✅ Fixed during removal of unsourced claim mentioned below. Bakazaka (talk) 04:33, 19 June 2019 (UTC)
 * "has been credited as sole writer or co-writer on six episodes" isn't supported by either of the attributed citations
 * ✅ Agreed. Claim pulled until someone finds sourcing for it. Bakazaka (talk) 04:33, 19 June 2019 (UTC)
 * I couldn't find any mention of a specific episode name here, only a scene description
 * ✅ I couldn't find it either. Looks like someone added that bit later based on watching the show, rather than following the source. Now the text matches the source. Bakazaka (talk) 04:41, 19 June 2019 (UTC)

Getting closer. Hopefully my next batch will be the last one. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:33, 17 June 2019 (UTC)

Going to a Place Where You Already Are and later work

 * "The play follows two couples who discuss whether heaven really exists as they confront health challenges and the possibility of dying"..... From that sentence, I could only find a discussion on heaven potentially existing, so either remove the couples/health details or add something that actually supports them. I should also note this doesn't delve so much into the debate over whether it exists.
 * ✅ Used the DC Metro Arts source and wrote a more accurate summary of play's central story. Bakazaka (talk) 00:04, 23 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Good job on that :) <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:54, 23 June 2019 (UTC)


 * Law of attraction should be singular; don't distort the quote with a plural
 * ✅ Apparent typo fixed. Bakazaka (talk) 06:41, 22 June 2019 (UTC)

Personal life

 * Seems kind of bare. Perhaps you could add something on how she met Morrison Keddie or how long they were together before getting engaged/married. Super short paragraphs like this are also discouraged per MOS:PARAGRAPHS as they make text look choppy (especially when there's a bunch of short ones in a row, which thankfully isn't the case here).
 * ✅ Expanded a bit, though mostly by focusing on their collaborative work on Again and The Cake. Too much more would make it overly reliant on personal blog posts, I think. Perhaps she will be more forthcoming about personal details in future interviews. Bakazaka (talk) 00:44, 23 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Collaborations are fine by me. I just did a little minor fixup. Now promoting! <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:54, 23 June 2019 (UTC)

Overall

 * Prose: Needs some touching up, especially regarding MOS:PARAGRAPHS
 * Referencing: Not all references are properly formatted, and you need to ensure all content is supported by the citations attributed to it.
 * Coverage: Personal life could use expansion
 * Neutrality: No bias detected
 * Stability: Looks good
 * Media: Image used is A-OK
 * Verdict: On hold for seven days starting now. That should be enough time to resolve my remaining concerns. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 04:56, 22 June 2019 (UTC)