Talk:Benjamin Harrison V/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: SNUGGUMS (talk · contribs) 00:47, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Mine! I'll kick this off by reviewing the infobox and lead.....


 * Thanks so much for your time and effort—I'll do my best to respond to your advice. Hoppyh (talk) 01:10, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Infobox

 * The lack of a file source for File:Benjamin Harrison V miniature portrait.png is suspicious. Adding a URL would help verify authenticity.
 * URL added to the file. Hoppyh (talk) 01:46, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Richard Henry Lee only needs to be linked once in the infobox; two links here is overkill
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 01:50, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Put a space between the "m." and the year of his marriage
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 12:16, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * For the sake of consistency, I'd use "Charles City County, Virginia, U.S." for both birthplace and deathplace
 * I’m not the infobox author, but I think the distinction reflects the change in Virginia’s status from colony to statehood between his birth and death. It also reflects the change in status of the country. I’m happy to change anyway, let me know. Hoppyh (talk) 12:23, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
 * While I already knew how the property status changed in between his birth and death, it just looks odd to use two different names for the same place SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 16:56, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 17:48, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * I'd either list all of his children by name or just use a number
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 12:26, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Not convinced File:Benjamin Harrison V Signature.svg is particularly beneficial to include, even if he did sign the declaration of independence. His signature isn't as famous as, say, John Hancock (where it's such a defining trait for the guy that his name is even used as a synonym for that term).
 * Omitted. FYI, FA's for signers Sam Adams and Patrick Henry include signature. Hoppyh (talk) 12:34, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead

 * Don't link common occupations (planter and merchant in this case) per WP:OVERLINK
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 13:02, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * The opening sentence is overly long and should be split by turning the semi-colon into a period.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 13:02, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Instead of curly quotation marks (used in "Virginia’s fifth governor" and "the nation’s Constitution"), use straight ones per MOS:CURLY so they instead read as "Virginia's fifth governor" and "the nation's Constitution".
 * I'm not seeing the quotation marks referenced. Hoppyh (talk) 13:09, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Fixed it for you here. Hopefully that helps gives you a good example of what to look for in the future. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 16:56, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Oh, apostrophes–thanks. Hoppyh (talk) 17:50, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "direct" from "two of his direct descendants" is redundant when it's impossible for anybody to have indirect descendants
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 13:09, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

More to follow later. SNUGGUMS (talk / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 00:47, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Parents and siblings

 * You write that he had nine siblings total, yet only three or four brothers by name in this section (I'm not sure whether "Carter Henry" and "Henry" are supposed to be the same person) and one sister in the next. It seems incomplete to only name certain siblings.
 * Carter Henry is one sibling. This reflects all the info provided by the source. I can omit all if deemed appropriate. Hoppyh (talk) 17:56, 20 May 2020 (UTC)
 * If possible, I'd try to find something that gives the other names. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 02:34, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Harrison's date of birth should be mentioned here along with the state/colony of Virginia, not just the county. Remember that infoboxes and lead sections should ideally summarize what already is in article body without introducing details with no other mentions.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:06, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Inheritance, marriage, and children

 * Upon first mention of Dowdey, his first name should also be included
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:08, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * More MOS:CURLY issues with “...among the worst aspects of their slaveholding is the presumption that the men in the Harrison family, most likely the younger, unmarried ones, and the overseers, made night trips to the slaves’ quarters for carnal purposes.” (including the opening quotation marks) and "William Henry’s grandson".
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:11, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Is it known exactly when in 1748 (based on infobox listing) he married Elizabeth Bassett? If so, then I'd be more specific as "By 1749" is vague.
 * In that case, the "40-year marriage" bit used is an understatement. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 02:34, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Unknown. Hoppyh (talk) 18:13, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Mentioning only three children by name here also seems incomplete. Also, why say "eight children" here when infobox says 7? Be consistent with the count.
 * Count corrected. No more info is provided by the sources. Hoppyh (talk) 18:19, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Link Benjamin Harrison VI, William Henry Harrison, and Benjamin Harrison
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:21, 20 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Vice President John Tyler, a fellow Virginian and Berkeley neighbor, succeeded him." should be its own sentence. Also delete the extra space between the period and its accompanying citation as well as the one between "Benjamin also served in the U.S. Senate (1881–1887) and was elected president in 1888 after defeating incumbent Grover Cleveland." and its attributed reference.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:24, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

This will probably be done section-by-section. "Virginia delegate" will come up next. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 16:56, 20 May 2020 (UTC)

Virginia delegate

 * Remove the space between the period after "taxation without representation" and its citation.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 11:48, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Per WP:REPCITE, you don't need to cite the same source more than once consecutively within a paragraph, so I'd remove the placement of ref#17 after "where the King’s decisions are concerned, it counts for nothing" (which should have its apostrophe corrected per above comments) when its use after "allowing the governor’s levy on parcels of less than 100 acres east of the mountains" is sufficient (more apostrophe fixing needed here as well).
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 13:29, 21 May 2020 (UTC)


 * The file source used for File:Williamsburg Virginia Court House.jpg isn't working. Can you find a replacement URL? Either way, I would reword the caption to something like "Harrison helped raise the funds to purchase the Williamsburg Courthouse for the city" or "The Williamsburg Courthouse, which Harrison helped raise the funds to purchase for the city".
 * Caption done. The URL went to Flikr and I did a search which pulled up the courthouse. Let me know. Hoppyh (talk) 13:57, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
 * By all means, please insert the new link when the current one as of this writing (what I linked above) just gives a 404 error. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 15:05, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 18:08, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * More excess spacing after periods and sources following "taxed only by their elected representatives" as well as "until the British Parliament repealed its tea tax".
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 13:57, 21 May 2020 (UTC)

This overall is reading pretty well so far. Hopefully that continues once I get into "Congressional delegate in Philadelphia". <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 02:34, 21 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Sounds good—just ping me when ready. Hoppyh (talk) 18:23, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Continuing now,.

Congressional delegate in Philadelphia

 * More WP:REPCITE in the first paragraph with ref#24; you only need to use it at the end of "colonists called the Intolerable Acts" to sufficiently cite all of the paragraph's prior text
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 15:41, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "related" from "related to the Congress" (found within the second paragraph) doesn't read very well
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 17:15, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * I will assume good faith with the claim that File:Carpenters' Hall, Philadelphia, USA, May 2015.jpg is the uploader's own work when I find no evidence suggesting otherwise
 * Not my forte, but I did see that the metadata from the camera corroborates. Hoppyh (talk) 17:19, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Samuel Adams actually was a cousin of future President John Adams, not one of his brothers as you assert with "The genuine and mutual enmity between the Adams brothers and Harrison"
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 17:25, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Starting sentences with words like "And", "But", "Nor", "Or", and "Yet" like you did with "But he also recalled Harrison's comment" is improper grammar as that forms a sentence fragment as opposed to a complete sentence.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 17:28, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * In the fourth paragraph, ref#31 only needs to be cited at its very end per WP:REPCITE
 * Done. Your go. Hoppyh (talk) 17:32, 23 May 2020 (UTC)

I'll let you go through the above before leaving further comments. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 19:20, 22 May 2020 (UTC)

Second Continental Congress and Declaration of Independence

 * No copyright concerns with File:Independence Hall Clocktower in Philadelphia.jpg or File:Declaration of Independence (1819), by John Trumbull.jpg. However, having both images aligned to the same side feels monotonous. I'd switch one of their alignments.
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 22:00, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Remove the spacing after "Washington assumed command of the Continental Army." and ref#34
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 22:05, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * "Harrison in November of 1775" → "In November 1775, Harrison"
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 22:05, 23 May 2020 (UTC)


 * How is the "(Mass.)" from "leaned over the diminutive Elbridge Gerry (Mass.)" relevant? That sticks out like a sore thumb. Also, I'd place a comma in between Gerry's name and "who was about to sign the Declaration".
 * Both done. Hoppyh (talk) 22:05, 23 May 2020 (UTC)

No big problems at the moment. I hope this keeps up. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 21:46, 23 May 2020 (UTC)

Revolutionary War

 * File:Seal of the United States Board of War and Ordnance.svg is properly licensed
 * More excess spacing after "in accordance with their religion.", which shouldn't come in place of that and ref#48
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk)


 * Starting three consecutive sentences with "in" as you did within the third paragraph is repetitive
 * Fixed. Hoppyh (talk) 00:34, 24 May 2020 (UTC)

Governor of Virginia

 * File:Berkeley plantation harrison home.jpg is A-OK to use
 * More spacing issues; "Harrison steadfastly opposed offensive action against Indians in the Kentucky and Illinois country." isn't supposed to have a following space before ref#62
 * Fixed. Hoppyh (talk) 00:34, 24 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Spell out "General" for "Gen. George Rogers Clark"
 * Done. Hoppyh (talk) 00:34, 24 May 2020 (UTC)


 * No need to link Marquis de Lafayette again here when you've already done so within the previous section
 * De-linked. Yay! Hoppyh (talk) 00:34, 24 May 2020 (UTC)

Almost done! I should be able to get the rest of the article within my next batch of comments. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 22:59, 23 May 2020 (UTC)

Return to legislature and death

 * Not that File:William Henry Harrison daguerreotype edit.jpg or File:Pach Brothers - Benjamin Harrison.jpg have any copyright issues, but they feel more decorative here than anything else, so I don't feel it's very beneficial to include either
 * I moved them to the family section to provide context. Let me know. Hoppyh (talk) 12:42, 24 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Did he die from gout? I'd be more specific on the matter.
 * Fixed, as far as possible. Hoppyh (talk) 12:56, 24 May 2020 (UTC)

Legacy and honors

 * Calling this "legacy" is a stretch, and when this is a rather short section to begin with, you might as well merge it with the previous one
 * Two of the three items are missing citations, and I'm not convinced it's a good idea to present these in list form
 * Done, with a subsection, including cites. Hoppyh (talk) 13:30, 24 May 2020 (UTC)

Overall

 * Prose: A bit more tweaking is needed
 * Refeencing: Some refs need fixing, and one citation doesn't appear to support all of its attributed content
 * Coverage: Only a specific cause of death is missing
 * Neutrality: I can't find any bias
 * Stability: All recent changes have been in accordance with this GAN, so no concerns there
 * Media: Two questionable uses of images
 * Verdict: Putting this on nomination on hold for seven days beginning now. That should be enough time to address the remaining points. <b style="color:#009900">SNUGGUMS</b> (<b style="color:#009900">talk</b> / <b style="color:#009900">edits</b>) 01:49, 24 May 2020 (UTC)