Talk:BeoutQ/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 05:45, 16 August 2022 (UTC)

This page is on its way to GA, but things need tweaking. I'd like to see the reliance on quotes reduced, though some are very much worth keeping. There are a lot of the same type of grammar error that can be fixed, too. 7-day hold to. Ping me when done. Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 06:05, 16 August 2022 (UTC)

Copy changes
Many, many extraneous commas. See User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences (abbreviated C in S). Also lots of MOS:INOROUT issues with quotes.

Also consider reducing some quote usage. You have a lot here. Some are needed and useful. A few aren't.

Lead

 * Arab countries, over remove (not C in S)
 * Saudi Arabia, and transmitted remove
 * "normalising piracy", and creating remove
 * Add a comma after "2019 and 2020"
 * anti-competitive behaviour, and of remove
 * from its channels worldwide, until remove

Background

 * Comma after (MENA), should be a perod.
 * Comma after Egypt (MOS:GEOCOMMA)
 * distributed online, but later remove comma OR add "it" after "but" to give a subject.
 * Keaveny should be intro'd here since the first mention of him is here.
 * DOG again, and intermittent remove the comma and add the word "added" after "and"
 * Remove comma after "beIN Sports video"

Signal origin

 * "...in many countries" as a sentence fragment, put the quotation mark before the period. MOS:INOROUT
 * Add "the" before "Al Jazeera"
 * Same for the "have had the result..." quote. This occurs several more times. If the sentence is complete, then putting the period first is fine.
 * Add a comma before "that" in the second sentence of the Al-Tuwajiri paragraph and a "the" before "second round"

Reactions

 * Remove comma after "industrial level"
 * Remove comma after "future rights deals". The quote that follows is a bit long.
 * Remove comma after "could crash".
 * INOROUT error at the end in "over two years" and again in the next sentence
 * Remove comma after "piracy in Saudi Arabia"
 * Remove comma after "crippled the market"
 * Remove comma after "side against beoutQ"
 * Remove comma after "beoutQ equipment" — sentence has an INOROUT item too
 * No hyphen between "politically" and "motivated" (this occurs later)
 * Drop the comma after "also do"
 * Remove comma after "Priority Watch List"
 * Change "who was offering" to "who were offering" — with the use of British English, this is a plural collective noun
 * Remove comma after "motivated"

Other items

 * The only image is a fair use logo with appropriate rationale. I suggest adding alt text to it.
 * Archive references with WP:IABOT.
 * I feel the article is sufficiently neutral. It does present appropriate Saudi reaction while balancing with the majority of the evidence going against them.
 * The high use of quotes results in higher-than-ideal Earwig percentages. First item Earwig gets copies from us. The second is the July 29, 2020, Guardian article, particularly the long quote starting in "Rather than positively complying with international law..." I do appreciate that presenting some quotes is useful for demonstrating official reactions, but some are gratuitous, e.g. "has already instructed...", "we have already taken legal action...", and can be pared down dramatically or phrased without quotes. I wonder if some quote boxes would be good for quotes that are worth keeping, especially as this article has no images.

I had begun copyedits to address many of these issues, think you could take a look at them? ViperSnake151  Talk  02:19, 17 August 2022 (UTC)


 * @ViperSnake151 Things look better. I did have to address some of the issues you did not, especially INOROUT issues. The lead percentage in Earwig is now from the article that has the USTR quotes, and that's not plagiarism if it's an official US government source. At this point, retaining the quotes we have is an aid to neutrality and presentation of both sides. Also spotted some MOS:'S to fix too, so I did that. If you don't object to anything I did, the page looks ready. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 07:23, 17 August 2022 (UTC)
 * I did some more copyedits based on your suggestions. I also ended up finding a new source with technical details, and decided to list those as definitive information rather than the previous chronological structure, ViperSnake151   Talk  01:10, 18 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Nice pickup. I note, @ViperSnake151, that your second sentence in that reply has a C in S issue... :P It looks good, and the added material helps. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 02:01, 18 August 2022 (UTC)