Talk:Bernard Mellor/GA1

GA Review
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Nominator: 20:21, 27 May 2024 (UTC)

Reviewer: Bluecrystal004 (talk · contribs) 21:27, 28 May 2024 (UTC)

Hi! I know this is a more recent nomination but I haven't reviewed a biography before and I figure this one shouldn't take too long! ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 21:27, 28 May 2024 (UTC)

Preliminary checks

 * image copyright
 * is it possible to use a fair use image in the infobox? I see the HKU site has one
 * Earwig
 * reasonably similar to the Independent source:

Infobox

 * no comments besides missing an image (see above)

Lead

 * "Blackpool" by itself isn't obvious, at least to me, I would suggest adding, England or similar
 * Corrected. -G
 * served variously in
 * Fixed. -G
 * , when he was awarded - kind of gives the impression that it was because of the award that he stopped serving as registrar (I might suggest e.g. and was awarded
 * Yeah, good fix. - G

Early life

 * first sentence has a lot of commas in a row, for readability I would maybe end it after "England" and merge "the son of a local brewer" with the next sentence about his childhood/father
 * Good idea. Fixed. - G
 * as a youth - reads unnaturally to me but might be OK in other Englishes
 * I've seen this sorta phrasing before; you're right it may be regional. - G
 * alongside his political correspondent Edward Heath - meaning wasn't clear to me at first, maybe where the political correspondent was...?
 * Good idea. - G
 * what kind of publication was Ration Cooking for Small Detachments?
 * A military cookbook. Spelled this out. - G
 * Not sure if it's just me, but it's not clear to me what a "deception unit" is. Any more information in sources?
 * Not really, but I realize "deception unit" might be a bit informal phrasing. - G

University of Hong Kong

 * assistant director of Education... - should the E be capitalized?
 * Oops, fixed. -G
 * He ultimately served in this role...
 * Fixed. - G
 * (Adviser for Colonial Scholars in North America) - doesn't seem necessary to include
 * Fair point. - G
 * After leaving the university - clarify which university
 * Fixed. -G

Refs
Spotchecked this version. Decided to hit every source at least once:
 * 1a:
 * 3b:
 * 1c:
 * 4c: would prefer this moved to the claim it backs up, He was briefly appointed... - also applies to the first paragraph of the article body
 * 5a:
 * 6:
 * 7:
 * 8: Less of a source problem but I noticed it now: Mellor continued to publish works related to English poetry and literature - move this mention of the Hubert book up in the paragraph, currently we go from 1982, 1992, to 1963 and second
 * 3f:

Discussion
Ping me if I haven't posted again within 7 days (lord help me if that happens) ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 21:27, 28 May 2024 (UTC)

Prose check done, see comments above; expect source checks today or tomorrow but the article looks to be in great shape! ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 00:02, 29 May 2024 (UTC)


 * Added a fair use image and responded to all your prose fixes. Thank you very much so far for your work! 15:28, 29 May 2024 (UTC) Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 15:28, 29 May 2024 (UTC)


 * Spotcheck done, let me know those couple points are addressed then this will easily pass. Thanks for your work on this article! ~ Bluecrystal004 ( talk · contribs ) 02:43, 31 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Fixed those two little issues. :) Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 20:04, 31 May 2024 (UTC)