Talk:Big Brother (Kanye West song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Zmbro (talk · contribs) 22:09, 11 January 2023 (UTC)

Got it. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 22:09, 11 January 2023 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * I made a few template adjustments but otherwise the infobox looks good
 * Could we mention the significance behind the tribute (i.e. mentor)?
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)


 * I'm wondering if we could combine the fact that the song is a tribute to Jay-Z and because of that "examines the complexities of his friendship". To me having the two sentences separated feels odd when they both could easily be combined.
 * ❌ the sentence is already long enough on its own; adding this would create a run-on. --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Should you mentioned "Encore" being a Jay-Z song and not a West song?
 * ✅ if this works? --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Background

 * Images should not use px per WP:IMAGESIZE
 * First paragraph is mostly ok but it's written like a narrative. I'd reword some things to make it less like a story (I was told this during the GA review for "Ultralight Beam"). Remember, we don't need EVERY detail (I gotta keep that in mind for my own articles tbh)
 * Example: "Toomp flew from New York to Atlanta so he could remake the beat, re-arranging certain notes and crafting a new melody, before flying back to the state." Do we need to know that he flew to Atlanta or just that the beat was remade in Atlanta?


 * ""Big Brother" was produced by Toomp, standing as the sole track on the record not to have production by West." Because of the preceding sentence, this reads like it was written beforehand and tacked on. We can get away with something like "Toomp received full production credit, making "Big Brother" the only track on Graduation not to have production by West."
 * "He co-wrote the song with Toomp, with West intending it as a tribute to his mentor and fellow rapper Jay-Z,"  "He co-wrote the song with Toomp as a tribute to his mentor and fellow rapper Jay-Z,"
 * "concept was conceived while West was riding an elevator"  "concept was conceived by West during an elevator ride"
 * swap the "When asked for his opinion on the song" and "In January 2012," sentences
 * ✅ for the above --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Maybe Jay-Z's reaction to the song should be stated immediately after the tribute part instead of in the next paragraph? The content of this song feels like a double-edged sword in that its lyrics and why it was written basically go hand in hand
 * ✅ if this switch works? --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)


 * "Jay-Z felt rather emotional after listening, while Williams recalled that the rapper realized his influence on the song" there's a much easier way of saying this. Maybe "Jay-Z felt emotional after realizing he was the subject."?
 * similar to "Good Life", there's an awful lot of "recalling" and "remembering". I'd tone it down and just tell it as is. Stuff like "He later said in July 2013" is totally fine but others like almost the entire "Speaking of his reaction [...] witness the theme" part feels unnecessarily convoluted.
 * Do commas go after years in American English?—I've been writing Brit articles for so long I basically forgot lol—If so "August 20, 2007 at the" is missing one
 * "West went on to play" stuff like this can easily just be "West played"
 * what ever happened with The-Dream remix? Any other info? If not remove it from the lead as to me it's not notable enough for that.
 * ✅ for the above --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Composition and lyrics

 * Audio sample looks good
 * "a mid-tempo hip hop song" sea of blue?
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)


 * I need some clarity on the Chris Martin thing. Does "they had a collaboration" refer to "Homecoming"? And who is criticizing who? And over what?
 * mentioned "Homecoming" but doesn't the criticizing part after West's acknowledgment make this clear? --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Yep much clearer now. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 14:48, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Release and reception

 * "that the song is covered in through his admiration for Jay-Z" feels superfluous; I'd say remove the whole thing
 * for Drumming's review, is "which "can't come soon enough"" referring to "Big Brother"? It currently reads like it's referring to the "strained relationship", which makes no sense to me
 * Is there a reason why "a columnist for The Guardian" isn't specified when in the source the she is specified?
 * I feel many of these individual reviews can be summarized simply. Giving everyone's opinion about liking the message feels like overkill.
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Live performances

 * Like the first one, images should not use px per WP:IMAGESIZE
 * Why is the concert Rihanna restated here when it's already stated above? Choose one or the other
 * "the two repeated this routine during West's set at JAM'N 94.5's annual concert, with them performing the track together in full"  "the two performed the full track together during West's set at JAM'N 94.5's annual concert"
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Other versions

 * "taking it in turns to rap" what? Are you saying they rapped back and forth? If so remove this because as a duo I would assume that.
 * "dedicated to rapper Eminem, the label's founder"  "dedicated to label founder and rapper Eminem"
 * "In the song, Bobby"  "In his rendition, Bobby"
 * "on March 19, 2012 with" comma after 2012?
 * the first sentence of the second para feels super convoluted
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Credits and personnel

 * Remove obvious WP:OVERLINK on NYC
 * ✅ --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)

Charts

 * good

Final thoughts

 * Overall not too bad. Once my points are addressed I'd be happy to pass. – zmbro (talk) (cont) 01:30, 14 January 2023 (UTC)
 * I have covered everything, any differences getting in the way or can this now pass? --K. Peake 09:25, 15 January 2023 (UTC)
 * All set. ✅ – zmbro (talk) (cont) 14:51, 15 January 2023 (UTC)