Talk:Bikini Porn/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 00:22, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

(I'll be looking to claim points for the 2020 WikiCup for this review.)

Comments Part 1 I've put some initial comments below. I recommend asking a copy editor to have a look (as per my last point below). I've found it really helpful on articles I've edited to get a copy editor involved. I'll probably have more comments later, but from the reviews I've done so far, I prefer to do a couple of rounds of comments rather than one big list. As the comments are by their nature not all positive, I should add that the article is definitely on its way to GA status and I think it should get there without a huge amount of extra work.


 * Lead: "written by herself" - I prefer ""written by her" - but see next comment. ✅Paparazzzi (talk) 22:28, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Lead: "written by herself alongside.." - the sources in the Background section give two versions - either it was written by her, or it was co-written. (I'd be inclined to give greater weighting to the credits than the quote at muumuse.com.) How about rewording this to something like "... a song by Swedish singer and songwriter Tove Lo. The credited writers are Lo, Finneas, Jakob Hazell, Ludvig Söderberg and Svante Halldin." ? In the Background section it is stated that the credits are taken from Tidal, not MuuMuse.com. I feel "written by her" would be a better option so we can reduce the number of short sentences.
 * That's fair comment. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:39, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Overview: "was written solely by Lo alongside Finneas" - how about "was written just by Lo and Finneas" the use of "just" seems a little bit informal for me... I don't know if you have another opinion about this. Paparazzzi (talk) 22:28, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * To me, solely implies just one person. Maybe "by Lo and Finneas" rather than "solely by Lo alongside Finneas"? BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:39, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ --Paparazzzi (talk) 18:07, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Release: The Daw, Clarke and Wass comments seem OK here rather than in the Reception section as they address the comparison between "Bikini Porn" and "Passion and Pain Taste the Same When I'm Weak," so I'm not recommending anything on this point.
 * Consider putting the Composition section before the Release section, as logically the song was composed before being released. ✅
 * Reception "... felt that Finneas' production style was notorious on the song" - I don't think notorious is quite the right word, maybe rephrase with something like "..felt that Finneas' characteristic production style was in evidence on the song"? ✅
 * Music video: "adding that the clip is sexual and funny" - maybe "adding that she felt the video is sexual and funny" (To me, a clip implies an extract, whereas it looks like this is Lo expressing a view on the video as a whole. Also, it's her opinion rather than a fact that the video is "sexual and funny") ✅ and reworded as "describing the clip as sexual and funny". Also, "clip" is used here as a synonym of "music video".Paparazzzi (talk) 22:28, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * General: There are a lot of direct quotes. These are all sourced but I think the article might flow better if some of them were summarised. For example, in the Release section, "describing the session as "awesome" and calling him a "really talented" and "amazing" producer and writer" could be replaced with something along the lines "gave a highly positive account of the session and praised his ability as a producer and writer." working on this. Paparazzzi (talk) 22:33, 8 April 2020 (UTC) ✅ Paparazzzi (talk) 23:37, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Consider putting a request in at WP:GOCE for a copy editor to go through the article. ✅Paparazzzi (talk) 22:28, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * I have addressed your comments so far. Regards, Paparazzzi (talk) 22:33, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks. I have a couple of further points below. If you don't hear back from the WP:GOCE request soon, we can discuss some more suggestions about minor rewordings so that there isn't too much delay in getting this to GA.


 * Music video: "The music video, which was edited in a lo-fi and VHS style" - maybe "shot in" or "presented in"? I think it's the presentation rather than the process of editing that was in the style, but I'm not a Spanish speaker so don't know if the translation of the jenesaispop.com source I looked at is right. ✅ --Paparazzzi (talk) 18:11, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
 * References: can the "|language=" and "|trans-title=" parameters both be included for all non-English language sources? (Some of this is already there).
 * Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 09:39, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
 * I have addressed your comments. I believe it would be better to discuss more suggestions about the rewordings because I don't think my request is going to be completed soon. Regards, --Paparazzzi (talk) 18:48, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for responding. I've made a few wording changes, and a couple of amendments to references, that I believe are uncontroversial. That seemed the easiest way forward. I'm happy to promote this to GA, thanks for all your work on this article. BennyOnTheLoose (talk)
 * Thank you so much! Regards, --Paparazzzi (talk) 20:48, 9 April 2020 (UTC)
 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):  d (copyvio and plagiarism):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * A suitable rationale has been provided for the use of non-free images.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * A suitable rationale has been provided for the use of non-free images.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail: