Talk:Bill McCann/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Abraham, B.S. (talk · contribs) 12:47, 29 July 2017 (UTC)

Will start on this now. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 12:47, 29 July 2017 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * The opening sentence is a tad long and convoluted. Suggest the following instead: "was a decorated Australian soldier of World War I, a barrister, and a prominent figure in the military and ex-service community of South Australia during the interwar period."
 * "made a Companion of the Distinguished Service Order and was twice awarded the Military Cross."
 * Worth noting that the 10th Battalion disbanded in 1919.
 * "Following the war he became a barrister" – suggest "After his return home" or similar, just to avoid repetition of "the war". Also duplink on "barrister".
 * "He was active in returned servicemen's organisations" –≥ "McCann was active..."
 * "He continued to serve in the part-time Citizen Military Forces after the war " –≥ "He also served in the..."
 * "He was appointed as an"
 * Just as a note, the birth name parameter in the infobox refers to those whose name changed during their life. As McCann's did not, the parameter is not necessary to use here.
 * Both "World War I" and "First World War" are used in the article – please choose one for consistency.
 * All good stuff, done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:27, 29 July 2017 (UTC)


 * Early life
 * Is to known what public schools McCann attended?
 * Not recorded in the usual places, except the RSL Virtual War Memorial which lists him as being on the honour boards of both the North Adelaide Public School and Peterborough Public School. I don't know whether that qualifies as a reliable source though.
 * A shame, but I do agree that the RSL Virtual War Memorial is probably not the best source


 * Similarly, is it known when McCann served in the cadets?
 * It was junior cadets according to his records, so presumably from 14 years of age, 1906–1910 or thereabouts, but it isn't recorded anywhere I can see. I have added that he was a member of the university rifle club, which is in his records.
 * Fair enough.


 * Gallipoli
 * "He was enlisted as a private in the South Australian-raised 10th Battalion of the 3rd Brigade, with the regimental number 405." –> "He was allotted to the South Australian-raised 10th Battalion, part of the 3rd Brigade, as a private with the regimental number 405."
 * Done.


 * No need to link Egypt.
 * Good point.


 * It would be worth providing a little context on McCann's time in Egypt (i.e. the battalion being in training), and the transition from Egypt to Gallipoli is a tad abrupt. Worth providing a little context here too.
 * Added a bit, see what you think?
 * Great – thanks.


 * Decapitalise "Landing"
 * Done.


 * "brigade ashore at about 4:30 am"
 * Pet hate of mine, I believe it should be either at 04:30 or about 04:30.
 * I see your point, but the grammar still does seem a little awkward to me. See what others think when you (presumably) take this to ACR.


 * The Gallipoli section is a tad brief – it may be worth briefly fleshing out McCann/the 10th's operations during the campaign.
 * Have added some material about the Turkish counterattack, rotations through positions, illness and casualties etc. See what you think?
 * Works well – thanks.


 * Western Front
 * "As scouting, sniping and intelligence officer of his battalion" – this sentence seems to imply that McCann was only shipped to France due to his position in the 10th Battalion. Worth clarifying that the bulk of the AIF was transferred to the WF, and McCann had been appointed to this position beforehand.
 * Is it known what the guard of honour was for?
 * No, not in sources.


 * Due to length, Bean's Pozières remarks should be a block quote, whereas the MC citation does not need to be as it is relatively brief. Would also be worth providing a little more context on this action, and clarifying that the MC was awarded for the same.
 * Not necessary, but it may be worth noting that Blackburn was the officer who relieved McCann at Pozières, and it was his actions over the next few hours that led to the VC. On this, you may like to look at the article, "'The biggest bastard of a job.' McCann and Blackburn at Pozières Ridge: How Valour is Defined", published in the AWM's Wartime magazine last year (issue 74, pp. 60–62).
 * Is it known how McCann avoided being sent home?
 * Not in sources.


 * "and with a bandage around his neck and scarcely able to speak" –> "and after having it bandaged and being scarcely able to speak" (just to avoid repetition of "neck")
 * "proving an inspiration to his company" – this reads slightly peacock-ish. Is there a reference or quote to back it up?
 * "in the award of a bar to his Military Cross" – capitalise "bar"
 * "On 10 August, during early fighting of the Hundred Days Offensive which began on 8 August 1918 with the Battle of Amiens" –> "On 10 August, during the early fighting of the Hundred Days Offensive (which began on 8 August 1918 with the Battle of Amiens)"
 * "the 10th Battalion was providing support to an attack led by the 9th Battalion which" –> "the 10th Battalion was tasked with providing support to an attack led by the 9th Battalion, which"
 * "when he saw 200–300 Germans attacking" – attacking, or coming in to attack?
 * "fought the Germans for an hour, although" – new sentence at "although"
 * "each time they were counter-attacked and the Australians forced them out"
 * "reinforced, then gathering troops" –> "reinforced, then, gathering troops"
 * "in March; and was mentioned in Field Marshal Sir Douglas Haig's final despatch" – comma in stead of semi-colon, and worth noting the date of Haig's despatch.
 * "American delegates on a tour of the war zone. The following month, he led the 3rd Brigade contingent" – "American delegates on a tour of the war zone and, the following month, he headed the 3rd Brigade contingent"
 * "Distinguished Service Order and the Bar to his"
 * Is it known why he was admitted to Keswick Hospital?
 * I think it is likely due to treatment of his head or neck wound, but no source says. His wounds must have been pretty severe if he couldn't farm because of them.


 * "with one being killed in action" – not necessary, but may be worth noting Jack's name and year/place of death (an article on Jack McCann was also published in the AWM's Wartime: "A face to a name: Lance Corporal Jack McCann, 43rd Battalion" [issue 64, 2013]).
 * I believe I've got all these. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 02:47, 30 July 2017 (UTC)


 * Later life
 * "Later life" –> "Interbellum and later life"?
 * "having turned his hand to farming" – was McCann the recipient of a solder settlement block? If so, worth noting.
 * Not in sources, but possible given the location. Nothing in his service records about it.


 * "In March 1922 he" –> "In March 1922 McCann"
 * "partnership with Arthur Blackburn"
 * "inside the memorial, and this was incorporated in the design." –> "inside the memorial; his suggestion was incorporated in the design."
 * "criticised the defence policy" – worth clarifying what the policy was
 * "had not been not worthwhile" – I assume one of the "not"s is a typo, otherwise the double negative alters the meaning to the opposite of what I think is being said.
 * "to act in the place of Blackburn, who was now the city coroner, in his absence " – is the reason for Blackburn's absence known?
 * "to returned soldiers & and sailors"
 * "He also unsuccessfully ran for election as the state president of the state branch of the RSSILA in the same year . Also in 1935, he became a justice of the peace, and was awarded the King George V Silver Jubilee Medal."
 * "and was also elected as a state vice-president" –> "but was reelected as a state vice-president"
 * "McCann briefly commanded a special constabulary of men over 45 during World War II – known as the South Australian Emergency National Defence League,[1] and was involved in the raising of the RSSILA" –> "Following the outbreak of World War II, McCann briefly commanded a special constabulary of men aged over 45—known as the South Australian Emergency National Defence League[1]—and was involved in the raising of the RSSILA"
 * I think I've got all of these. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 03:07, 30 July 2017 (UTC)


 * Images and source
 * No issues here – all images are appropriately licensed, and the copyvio detector raises no issues (only appropriately sourced quotations).


 * Overall
 * This is a well researched and comprehensive article. However, I am placing the review on hold pending responses to the above. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 14:20, 29 July 2017 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comprehensive review, . These are my edits. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 03:07, 30 July 2017 (UTC)
 * Not a problem at all. This is a well written and comprehensive article that easily satisfies the GA criteria, so passing now. Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 13:38, 30 July 2017 (UTC)