Talk:Billionaire (song)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kyle Peake (talk · contribs) 08:09, 17 June 2019 (UTC)

Will start reviewing this later today. --Kyle Peake (talk) 08:09, 17 June 2019 (UTC)

Infobox and lead
❌ Since it is the beginning of the sentence and the previous sentence is quite long and doesn't address the track except for critics it sounds terrible. ❌ top five I could go for US and UK, not a song that peaked at number two. So I just used parts of this sentence. ❌ I'm not, it's the original video. ✅ I took your advice and did some variations see if you are ok with those.
 * Change music video to being in the infobox instead of external links
 * ""Billionaire" is the lead single by American recording artist" → ""Billionaire" is a song by American recording artist"
 * "co-wrote the track" → "co-wrote the song" same problem as before
 * "released on March 9, 2010, in various countries via digital download by Fueled by Ramen." → "released on March 9, 2010, in various countries via digital download as the album's lead single by Fueled by Ramen."
 * After "but criticized its songwriting." Add a new sentence instating "Overall, critical reception towards the song was mixed."
 * "Lyrically, the track has a money-driven" → "Lyrically, it has a money-driven"
 * "These include helping" → "The elements include helping"
 * Remove Israel from lead and the rest of the article, since the ref is dead and it doesn't work at the wayback machine.
 * "The single reached number one in the Netherlands and Israel, number two in Ireland and New Zealand, and number three and four in the United Kingdom and the United States respectively." → "The single reached number one in the Netherlands and also reached the top five in the United States, United Kingdom, New Zealand and Ireland respectively."
 * "The music video, directed by Mark Staubach" → "The accompanying music video for "Billionaire", directed by Mark Staubach"
 * "The video is interpolated with footage of McCoy helping four people," mention that it's Claudia Leitte's video you're referencing
 * "used the track" → "used the song"
 * WikiLink Billboard

Background and development
❌saying what? There is no need for it here. Article is small.
 * Add an image, probably one of Mars with relevant text
 * Article is not small at all?? It needs an image at least somewhere since there are many sections and it's reasonably large. Add an img with the text "Mars began working on the song in 2009" as that would fit well.
 * ✅ it fits even better

❌if you look at the source he was talking about the melodies, re-written. ❌ common mistake, him after the verbs. There is no verb. ❌ mix things a little bit ❌ if you remove that the sentence sounds the exact same.
 * "encouraged them to develop the best of them" → "encouraged them to develop the best of themselves"
 * "had only a "scratch chorus demos of "Nothin' On You" and "Billionaire"," → "had only "scratch chorus demos of 'Nothin' On You' and 'Billionaire',"
 * "was the first song McCoy began work on" → "was the first song that McCoy began to work on"
 * "He and Ari Levine" → "Him and Ari Levine"
 * "Mars also claims that his own finances inspired him to write the track." → "Mars also claimed that his own finances inspired him to write the track, stating:"
 * "wait until lunchtime to eat."" Punctation should be outside of quote for consistency
 * "he decided to pass on it saying to him" → "he initially decided to decline the collaboration, saying to him"
 * "when McCoy returned home to Miami" → "when McCoy later returned home to Miami"
 * "From then on, he began writing his verses" → "From then on, McCoy began writing his verses" as lack of name is used two many times in a row as of current
 * "McCoy claims he" → "McCoy claimed that he"
 * "that concept and ran with it."[9]" → "that concept and ran with it".[9]"
 * "on "Billionaire"'s hook" → "on the song's hook"
 * it's the same. It's more than established at this point we are talking about "Billionaire".

❌ it's the same, goes with the previous. ❌ same as stated above
 * Writing "Billionaire"'s reads weirdly. Either put the song or the hook of "Billionaire"
 * "after the final version was recorded" → "after the final version of "Billionaire" was recorded"
 * "claiming he holds the copyright" → "claiming holding of the copyright"
 * "Proctor alleges" → "Proctor alleged"
 * "he has submitted" → "he submitted"
 * "In the suit Proctor accused McCoy" → "In the suit, Proctor accused McCoy"
 * "Proctor claims he has" → "Proctor claimed that he has"

Everything else was addressed.

Production and release
❌ nobody cares about the order of the countries, I put them alphabetically what kind of order is that? ❌ "that" you can use with people and objects, "which" just objects I would rather not change it
 * "was co-written by Travie McCoy, Bruno Mars, Philip Lawrence and Ari Levine." → "was written by McCoy, Mars, Lawrence and Levine." You have already stated all of their full names earlier so use the surnames here.
 * "The latter three, as The Smeezingtons, were responsible for the music, production..." It's confusing that you refer to these three as The Smeezingtons first here; you could have wrote in the first section "During the summer of 2009, The Smeezingtons, consisting of..." and if you are mentioning them again, remove the WikiLink.
 * "while The Stereotypes were in charge of programming the drums" → "while the drums were programmed by The Stereotypes"
 * "was first release" → "was first released"
 * "The single was issued" → "The single was serviced"
 * "bonus track and "Superbad (11:34)".[16]" → "bonus track alongside "Superbad (11:34)".[16]"
 * "Three days later, the single was released" → "Three days later, "Billionaire" was released" to specific things more as it can be confusing otherwise
 * "was released in Austria, Germany, and Switzerland" → "was released in Switzerland, Germany and Austria"
 * "released a deluxe single edition" → "released a deluxe single edition for digital download"
 * "an acoustic version of the same" → "an acoustic version of the song"
 * "A radio cut of the song, which" → "A radio cut of the song that"

Everything else was ✅

Composition
✅
 * "while Digital Spy's Nick Levine compared the track" → "while Digital Spy's Nick Levine compared it"
 * "Rodrigo Perez of MTV News said the song" → "Rodrigo Perez of MTV News wrote that the song"
 * "Its songwriting concerns" → "The songwriting concerns" you used it at the end of previous sentence
 * "lifestyle they would have with that money" → "lifestyle that McCoy and Mars would have with such money" specify who they refers to and such means the said amount
 * "goes on detail" → "goes into detail"
 * "wish list when" → "wish list for when"
 * "expresses his interest" → "expresses interest"
 * "compared "Billionaire"'s lyrics to those" → "compared the lyrics of "Billionaire" to those"

Critical reception
✅ with small adjustments
 * "received mixed reviews from most music critics" → "received mixed reviews from music critics"
 * Remove WikiLink to Digital Spy, as you have already linked to it
 * "gave the song four out of five stars" → "rated the song four out of five stars" because that is the rating so you should put rated instead
 * Remove WikiLink to MTV News, same as above
 * "enjoyed the track and commented it" → "enjoyed the track, commenting that it" as you use "and" very shortly afterwards
 * "praised the single finding it "hilarious"." → "praised the single, finding it "hilarious"."
 * "McAlpine despised the use of explicit language, saying" → "McAlpine criticized the use of explicit language, calling it" as criticized is more encyclopedic and "saying "is..." reads weirdly compared to the latter
 * WikiLink Billboard
 * "The New York Times said the song" → "The staff of The New York Times said that the song"
 * ", noting that McCoy takes a" → ", also noting that McCoy takes a" as this is the ending part and the former implies that McCoy is on the hook, leading readers confused
 * "In negative review" → "In a negative review"
 * "added she would" → "added that she would"
 * "At the 2011 ASCAP Pop Music Awards "Billionaire" won" → "At the 2011 ASCAP Pop Music Awards, "Billionaire" won"
 * "It was also nominated for" → "It earned a nomination for" as the former was more than a nominee

Commercial performance
❌ It doesn't as is not the usage in other media and it's establishing a comparison between the McCoy and Leite's version. ✅ with small changes
 * Should mention all top 20 countries; there are only four left to write about and it's not like I'm asking for every country like I had on the other review, as I know to only mention ones of importance.
 * "on the Billboard Hot 100 in its first full tracking week, April 17, 2010" This reads weirdly and implies that the Hot 100 started tracking on this week. Change to something like "on the Billboard Hot 100 for the issue dated April 17, 2010"
 * "peak at number four" → "peak position of number four"
 * "Billboard Rhythmic chart" → "Billboard Rhythmic chart"
 * "has sold 3,272,000 copies sold" → "has sold 3,272,000 copies"
 * "and peaked at number two, spending 24 weeks on the charts" → "and peaked at number two, spending 24 weeks on the chart"
 * "with over 15,000 copies sold" → "for over 15,000 copies sold"
 * "The recording has been certified two times platinum by ARIA" → "The song has been certified two times platinum by the ARIA"
 * "The recording reached number five" → "It reached number five"
 * "The Claudia Leitte version of the song peaked at number three on Brazil Hot 100 Airplay chart.[54]" This belongs in the Use in other media section as the song is wrote about there.
 * "debuted in the top spot" → "debuted at the top spot"
 * "also debuted at its peak position of number two" → "also debuted at its peak position, entering at number two" as it is confusing to readers using also without this comma since that implies it reached number two in the UK
 * "Denmark peaking at number eight" → "Denmark, peaking at number eight"

Music video
✅ not via MTV, sounds terrible. You are probably talking about Venice Beach, fixed.
 * "The music video was directed" → "The accompanying music video for "Billionaire" was directed"
 * "first broadcast on MTV on" → "first broadcast via MTV on"
 * Remove WikiLink to MTV
 * "It opens with Mars" → "The visual opens with Mars"
 * "keys to the Mini Cooper to a teenager" "keys of a Mini Cooper to a teenager"
 * [29][65] don't mention New York
 * "then switches to Venice Beach" → "location then switches to Venice Beach"
 * "A group has run out of beer" → "A group runs out of beer"
 * "riding on the back, ride different scooters" → "on the back, ride different scooters"

Reception
✅
 * Remove WikiLink to Idolator
 * "opined if the song was a hit" → "opined that if the song was a hit"
 * Remove WikiLink to MTV News
 * "in which McCoy helps out" calling it" → "in which McCoy helps out", calling it"
 * "same publication, Tamar Aitai, criticized" → "same publication, Tamar Aitai criticized"
 * "paying it forward by helping out his fellow bros," Punctuation should be outside of quote for consistency

Live performances
✅
 * "performed live by Travie McCoy and Bruno Mars" → "performed live by McCoy and Mars"
 * "and later in the month" → "and later that month"
 * "on BBC Radio's 1 Live Lounge" → "for BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge"
 * "McCoy and Mars sang "Billionaire" live" → "McCoy and Mars performed "Billionaire" live"
 * "during their European co-headlining tour" → "on their European co-headlining tour"
 * "In the same year" → "That same year"
 * "On Mars' debut tour he sang" → "During Mars' debut tour, he performed"

Use in other media
✅ with minor adjustments. ❌ you clearly get that from the last sentence. ❌ can't find the original date for the music video. The Youtube one was added almost a year later from the original release. I addressed all the other issues.
 * Add the year of "Audition" being released (2010)
 * "and the Canadian Hot 100" → "and Canadian Hot 100"
 * Mention the T-Pain and Gucci Mane remix first as that is simply titled remix, then mention the other
 * "Professor Green also covered the song on BBC Radio 1." → "Professor Green covered the song on BBC Radio 1 in 2010."
 * "remix video titled, I Wanna Be An Engineer which was" → "remix video, titled I Wanna Be An Engineer, which was"
 * "Beavis and Butthead (1993) in the episode" → "Beavis and Butthead (1993) in the 2011 episode" as the current state confuses readers
 * "season six of The Hills (2006)" → "season six of The Hills (2006) in 2010" same as above reasoning; maybe add 2010 at a different part though, not sure? As long as it is added.
 * Put the appearances on TV shows in chronological order
 * "of the same original lines by McCoy" → "of the same lines originally performed by McCoy"
 * "make references" → "pay reference"
 * "the lead single from the album As Máscaras (2010)" → "the lead single from Leitte's album As Máscaras (2010)"
 * "Robson Nonato along with the original" → "Robson Nonato, along with the original"
 * Remove WikiLink to The Smeezingtons
 * "Leitte released a music video" → "Leitte released an accompanying music video for the song"
 * Add when it was released

Formats and track listings

 * Good

Credits and personnel

 * Good

Charts
❌ Firstly, its impossible to make a confusion as it clearly states the difference between the different versions and the year-end charts, I mean the subtitles. Now what I can do, as you mentioned they are peaks of the Weekly charts is to add that as a sub-section. Let me know what you think. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 09:25, 23 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Change the col to align the Weekly charts for "Billionaire" and Other versions both to the left, as readers may think the positions are year-end charts instead in the current state
 * In this state, make Other versions ==== for a smaller sub-section as it is part of the Weekly charts sub-section in this instance

Certifications

 * Good

Release history

 * Only contemporary hit radio is WikiLinked; if you are going to do that, then also WikiLink digital download and CD single - if not, then remove the WikiLink.
 * For the ref used for various, combine refs 12, 13 and 14 into one ref as they show the song was released for download in a number of countries. In its current state, the various box only links to one country...
 * What have you done in Fade? The countries are all separated, nothing is merged. MarioSoulTruthFan (talk) 23:11, 21 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Sorry my bad, wrong article. I meant "All Day", that shows an example of how to do the various ref. Kyle Peake (talk) 06:31, 22 June 2019 (UTC)

✅

Final comments and verdict
A number of issues in the article's current state, but I have confidence that you'll be able to fix them within a week. For now, I'm putting this. --Kyle Peake (talk) 12:33, 21 June 2019 (UTC)
 * This article looks good now. Will ✅ this! --Kyle Peake (talk) 11:37, 23 June 2019 (UTC)