Talk:Billy Strachan/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Llewee (talk · contribs) 22:30, 19 August 2023 (UTC)

Hi, I have suggested some changes to improve this article. Please use the ✅ template or strikethrough to indicate that a problem has been dealt with and add any comments/questions after the points. Thanks, Llewee (talk) 10:39, 21 August 2023 (UTC)

Lead

 * The infobox describes him as Jamaican while the top of the article describes him as British. It would be good to establish consistency here. Maybe use a term such as British-Jamaican or British Jamaican-born?
 * "He survived numerous life-threatening situations including being shot by the Nazis, a training crash, the Nazi bombing of the hotel he was staying at during his honeymoon, and a near mid-air collision with Lincoln Cathedral."- I'm not always against using "Nazi" as a descriptive term for the authorities or armed forces of Nazi Germany but in this context (describing the actions of Nazi Germany's armed forces outside of German controlled territory) it's probably more suitable to use the term "German".

Early life (1921–1938)

 * This is one of two sections with dates in the header and I don't think their is much need to include them.
 * The subheadings also aren't really needed.
 * The organisation of the information in this section is slightly confusing and counterintuitive. I would suggest reorganising the information to look something like this:
 * Billy Strachan was born in Jamaica on 16 April 1921 to a family of former slaves and was raised within a predominantly white and wealthy area of Kingston.[2]Cyril Strachan, Billy's father, was a black man who worked as a manager at a tobacco company.[3] Although Cyril was far wealthier than most black Jamaicans during this time, he received lower wages in comparison to the white company directors, who worked far less intensely yet received enormous profits.[3] Cyril admired the British Empire, believing that the British monarchy would protect them against the injustice of the colonial authorities in Jamaica.[3] Despite not always being able to afford an elite lifestyle, Cyril would often attempt and fail to emulate the wealthy strata of Jamaican society.[3] Orynthia, Billy Strachan's mother, was (like most black Jamaicans) a descendant of enslaved African people.[3] Billy's paternal grandfather was a wealthy Scottish man who fathered many illegitimate children with black women; however, he favoured Strachan's father Cyril, who never met his half-siblings.[3] Billy was raised alongside two sisters: Dorothy who migrated to Britain, and Allison who migrated to Canada.[4]
 * Strachan recalled in interviews during his later life that his family had all been admirers of the British monarchy and the British Empire, all standing up in salute whenever the national anthem "God Save the King" was played.[3] Before he was old enough to attend school, Billy would only socialise with white children as a result of his relatively privileged upbringing.[3] He experienced a traumatic racist incident when at the age of 11 while playing with a white girl, he was forced to hide under a bed from her racist father.[6] This incident had a profound effect on Billy's worldview, leading to a lifelong hatred of racism.[6] As a young boy, Strachan once stole his father's car, before his father then reported him to the police.[4]
 * Strachan attended preparatory school between 1926 and 1931. From 1931 to 1938, he attended one of Jamaica's most prestigious yet racially divided schools, Wolmer's Boys' High School, in Kingston.[4][5] His father often struggled to pay the school fees. Despite being described as a rebellious student, Strachan graduated.[4] Strachan would later describe the wealth and racial divide in the school, noting that more than half the boys were white fee-paying students who arrived in expensive cars such as limousines, while the rest were black or mixed-race who arrived either on foot or by bicycle. Although Strachan believed there was no physical violence between the children, there was very little social mixing between different races of children outside school hours.[4] During his school days, Strachan played the saxophone in a band with his friends.[4]
 * In 1938, Jamaica experienced a wave of labour strikes across the country, which were often met with deadly violence at the hands of the British police and military. As a result, the British government sent warships to quell the uprising but also sent a royal commission.[4] British politician Stafford Cripps went to Jamaica to investigate, and Strachan was taken by his father to listen to Cripps speak at a political meeting.[7] During this meeting, Strachan witnessed the founding of the People's National Party.[2][8]


 * "Billy Strachan was born in Jamaica on 16 April 1921" - It would be helpful to clarify that it was the Colony of Jamaica then part of the British Empire.
 * "As a young boy, Strachan once stole his father's car," - It feels like their might be more information here. Unless it was purely teenaged messing around.
 * "Cyril Strachan, Billy's father, was a black man who worked as a manager at a tobacco company" - is the name of the company known?
 * "Strachan attended preparatory school between 1926 and 1931." is the name of school known?
 * "In 1938, Jamaica experienced a wave of labour strikes across the country," is their a article on these events? If so add a link.

Military career (1939–1946)

 * Again, I don't think there is a need for the dates.
 * I think there are more subheadings than needed here. Try to cut it down to 2 or 3 headings.
 * "He was told by the British that he would have to pay for his journey to Britain," this could with more clarity, I guess it was his employers?
 * "Struggling to understand British culture, Strachan saluted a porter at a train station in Bristol, believing that he was an admiral because of his work uniform." - This could be an interesting fact to nominate to DYK.
 * "The next day he met a Jewish refugee at a TMCA meeting who told Strachan about the Nazi Party and her reasons for fleeing the war." This wording is odd. I assume she fled from Germany or German occupied Europe. In which case just say that. Also clarify or add a link to TMCA.
 * "Strachan was trained in aircrew skills and his first bombing mission was over Nazi-occupied Europe in June 1941." - This is another context (reference to territory controlled by Nazi Germany) where it is best to use the term German rather than Nazi. If they were bombing other places outside of that category it may be better to say Axis controlled.
 * "During a night raid over Germany in October 1941, he was wounded in the left leg by a Nazi fighter aeroplane, a wound that caused him medical problems throughout his life.[19]" Again, the term German is more suitable in this instance.
 * "In 1942, Strachan married a woman from London called Joyce Smith." Is any information available about her background or what she did?
 * "Having survived more than 30 missions, Strachan lost his nerves during a near collision with Lincoln Cathedral during a flight in which he was the pilot" - It would be good to include a year. Also, did he recover?
 * "Strachan, now a Flight Lieutenant at the age of 23, was sent to an RAF base in Bedfordshire to investigate racial tensions between military personnel." - It would be good to include a year here.
 * "he once sat as a member of courts-martial," - if this was one event it should be changed to "of a court marshal", if it was more than one event then the word "once" can be taken out
 * "Summary of Strachan's wartime achievements"- this section should be combined into the previous section
 * "Strachan had served for both the 99 Squadron and the 101 Squadron as an air gunner/wireless operator, " - change "for both" to "in both"

Political activism

 * "a communist activist who worked in a nearby leper colony in Port Royal." - add a link to Leper colony
 * "who founded one of Britain's early black newspapers," - maybe add a bit more clarity here (e.g one of Britain's first newspapers intended for a black audience)
 * "Between the late 1940s and 1990s, Strachan had written articles for many newspapers and journals," - change "had written" to "wrote"
 * "In 1954, Strachan wrote the chapter "Terror in the West Indies" " - if possible include a bit of detail about what it was about
 * "Following the Cuban Revolution in 1959, Strachan helped to organise a fleet of buses to be sent to Cuba." - What were the buses doing?
 * "During the 1970s, he was involved with the Angela Davis Defence Committee's London branch." - Include a bit of explanation about what the organisation was for.
 * "These letters requesting aid from Strachan and the CLC put him at the forefront as an early pioneer of Black civil rights in Britain." - The wording here is odd. Perhaps change it to something like "According to X historian, these letters show Strachan's prominence as an early pioneer of Black civil rights in Britain."
 * "This paper became the first Black British newspaper dedicated to socialism, anti-imperialism, and Caribbean independence.[31] David Horsley describes Caribbean News as "the first Black British monthly newspaper dedicated to the ideals of Caribbean independence, socialism, and solidarity with colonial and oppressed people throughout the world."[10]" - I would suggest taking out the first sentence and keeping the quote by Horsely.
 * "turned on their left-wing and anti-colonial allies, persecuting all whom they believed to be communists." - This could do with more clarity, were they allies in opposing Colonialism?
 * "Adams ordered Strachan and the London branch of the Caribbean Labour Congress to disband;" - how did Adams have the right to tell Strachan what to do?
 * "they were kidnapped by the United States government and were imprisoned on Ellis Island, before being deported." - is any more information available about they did this?

Legal career and charitable activities
"Successful legal career" - Take out "successful", I'm not saying it wasn't but it comes across as non-neutral and isn't necessary.
 * "After returning to Britain from his tour of the British West Indies, Strachan began to self-study law," - Add the year here.
 * "and in 1959 he was called to the bar." - It may be helpful to include a link to Call to the bar here for clarity.
 * "He worked as Clerk of Court and held several important positions as the Chief Clerk at Clerkenwell Magistrates' Court, and he then held the same position at Hampstead Magistrates' Court, becoming the Clerk to the Betting and Gaming Committee." - You might want to reword this sentence.
 * "Due to the political persecution of communists in Britain," - could you be a bit more specific here?
 * It says in lead that he was an expert on laws relating to drink driving and adoption. I can't find any mention of that in this section. Can some mention be added?
 * "Strachan strategically allowed the British princess Anne, daughter of British Queen Elizabeth," - you don't really need to mention her mother, why did they describe it as strategic?
 * "During the 1970s, Strachan and his wife Joyce divorced." - Is the year known?
 * "Later life" - make this its own top level heading
 * "Aside from chasing a career in law," - change "chasing" to something more neutral
 * "the UK Labour Party's intervention in Anguilla in 1969" - change "Labour party" to a link to the government of the day
 * "In 1977, Strachan condemned then Home Secretary David Owen for refusing to stop the hanging of two Black Bermudians in the British colony and tax haven." - I don't see how whether or not it was a tax haven is relevant here. Take it out.
 * "Strachan contributed to a programme that allowed students from the Caribbean to study in the Soviet Union free of charge," - add the years or time period he did this for

Legacy

 * "Funeral" - This section isn't about his funeral I would suggest just taking the heading out.
 * Is any information available about where he was buried?


 * This should be all for now. I will put this review on hold for you to work through the points. I don't tend to bother about the seven day deadline if you need more time. Link me once your done or if you want me to answer any questions. There may be a couple of other issues once these have been dealt with and then we can move onto the final checks.--Llewee (talk) 22:31, 22 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I wish you heard it from me first but there are a few editors who have brought up numerous problems with my work. I didn't get back to feedback immediately because I wanted to wait until the conversation on the incident noticeboard came to a conclusion. Regardless, I woke up to 67 notifications today across countless pages and I cannot keep up with them all ontop of my real life work. It also looks like I'm about to be hit with a topic ban. The History Wizard of Cambridge (talk) 08:44, 24 August 2023 (UTC)
 * I'm aware of the discussions that have been taking place about your work. I don't know enough about your editing to take a side either way on the broader allegations but their are clearly major issues with the sourcing of this article that need to addressed before it can be considered for good article status. I will therefore be closing this review. Anyone who wants to renominate the article once the sourcing issues and the issues brought up in the review are dealt with is of course welcome.--Llewee (talk) 14:40, 24 August 2023 (UTC)