Talk:Birdsill Holly/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:39, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

Will be reviewing for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 16:36, 28 October 2020 (UTC)
 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * Mention Holly was American for those who don't know
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:09, 28 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He is known for inventing mechanical devices that improved city water systems and firefighting. He patented an improved fire hydrant that is similar to those used currently." - consider merging these two sentences together
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 21:09, 28 October 2020 (UTC)

Personal life

 * "Birdsill Holly Jr. was born October 8, 1820" - born on October
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Holly was forced to drop out of school at the age of 10 when his father died prematurely;" - perhaps add more details on the circumstances surrounding his father's death
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Holly started an apprenticeship at a cabinetry shop before he apprenticed in a machine shop." - repetition of "shop"
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "In a college thesis published in 1996 by Madelynn Frederickson ("The Life And Times Of Birdsill Holly")" - the parentheses are not needed and the title of the thesis can be italized
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Holly died on April 27, 1894 at 7 pm at the age of 74." - 7:00 pm
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 11:41, 29 October 2020 (UTC)

Career

 * All the measurements such as feet, pounds should be placed in the convert template


 * "Over 1,000 were made," - More than
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "with the financial assistance of Washington Hunt and Thomas Flagler." - who were Hunt and Flagler?
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "in over two thousand cities in the United States and Canada." - more than
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He patented a fire hydrant in 1869 used for fire protection." - fire hydrant used for fire protection in 1869.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "The pumps ran at various speeds according to usage. It was regulated by the pressure in the discharge main." - IMO these two sentences can be merged together
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "Holly's district heating system used a large boiler at a central plant. This system provided steam to a group of town buildings in a surrounding city district through a circuit of insulated water pipes that distributed steam and returned it as water after being condensed." - these two sentences could be merged together
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He repeated the experiment with a 100-foot pipe to a neighbor's" - Think there is a few words missing from this sentence
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)


 * "He was a friend of inventor Thomas Edison. Edison once asked Holly to become an assistant at his research laboratory in Menlo Park," - try not to start the beginning of the following sentence using the last of the preceding sentence
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:30, 29 October 2020 (UTC)