Talk:Black Light Attack!/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Xtzou ( Talk ) 23:45, 8 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi, I have been reviewing the article and have made a few copy editing changes for clarity. My main problem with the article is that I become lost in the last half of the plot section. I am unfamiliar with the TV show, but the plot seems unnecessarily complicated and detailed. Is there any way to make it easier to follow?

Otherwise, the article seems good. I am still reviewing and may add further comments. Xtzou ( Talk ) 23:45, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Is it "During the TGS after party, Danny's body paint" paragraph? From there and down? -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  23:50, 8 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I get the body paint part but after that I get lost. There are so many names. Like, who is Jack again? (I have to use search/find to figure out who is being talked about. Xtzou ( Talk ) 23:54, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Alright, I'll try to work on this. I needed to know which half you got lost in, so. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  23:55, 8 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Also, will everyone get the link to CHiPs, as it goes to the aricle and doesn't easily explain that the reference is to the badge of a pseudo California Highway Patrol. Xtzou ( Talk ) 23:58, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * IDK, I just linked it, so. If you want, I'll remove the link to it. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  23:59, 8 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Update: I did my best with the plot. Let me know if it helped or not. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  00:27, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, Xtzou ( Talk ) 17:37, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * I don't get this: " Liz tells Jenna if she tells everyone her real age, she will reveal her "friend Tom... Tom Selleck" her mustache, to which Jenna agrees." Xtzou ( Talk ) 00:43, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Okay, since Jenna won't tell anyone her real age, Liz pleads with her to tell everyone her real age. She won't do it, so, Liz tells her that if she reveals her age, she will show everyone her mustache named "Tom... Tom Selleck." -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  00:53, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Why does Liz (a female) have a "mustache" and why is it called Tom Selleck? Has he even been mentioned so far? And how does a "mustache" have a name? Sorry for being dense.  Xtzou ( Talk ) 00:57, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * She doesn't have a mustache, she drew it on her face... I'm assuming, since it was thin. No, Selleck has not been referenced on the show, though was in this episode, I guess. IDK, that's the randomness of this show; they write very odd things. Maybe this might help. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  01:02, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Is there any way you could use it as an example of the "randomness" of the show, rather than expecting the uninitiated reader (like me) to "get" it? I gathered that the show juxtaposes unexpected elements, but you never say that is a "feature" of the show. I think you have to keep in mind the general reader who may not have seen the show. You are not writing just for fans. (I think I will try to see the show, if I can figure out when it is on.) Xtzou ( Talk ) 01:21, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Sure, since there's plenty. Uh, in the episode "Klaus and Greta", actor James Franco carries a Japanese pillow, which results in Liz and Franco sleeping together... with the pillow. . In "Christmas Special", Jack accidentally hits his mother with his car, and waits eight minutes before calling 911. In "The Funcooker", well many things go wrong there. In "Apollo, Apollo", through Kenneth's eyes, he sees everyone as a muppet. I wouldn't call myself an "expert" of the show, so. I maybe be wrong about the whole "randomness" bit, but that's how I see  the show. Hey, I tried writing a way that a non-reader of the subject would understand. The show airs on Thursday's at 9:30 on NBC. --  ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  01:46, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * More comments
 * I don't understand the sentence: " Liz tells Jenna if she tells everyone her real age, she will reveal her "friend Tom... Tom Selleck" her mustache, to which Jenna agrees."  What exactly does it mean? Is it a grammatically correct sentence? (It seems like it is missing something.
 * Stated above. Hmmm, maybe Liz believes Jenna doesn't have to be embarrass about her real age, as long as she humiliates herself with the mustache, and Jenna can be more secure about herself? --  ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:01, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * "While at the Knicks game, Danny reveals details to Jack, about the woman he is seeing, such as "She never takes off her shoes ... Even though the reason is she's never let a man see her feet", which is a real life trait of Fey's and her character." - Shouldn't this be in the plot section rather than under "Production"?
 * No, not really. We are talking about the fictitious characters, rather than the actors that play them. If you want, I'll remove it. I just it would be alright to add that bit. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:01, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * This caption has faulty grammar as it changes subject mid sentence: "Nick Catucci for New York magazine wrote that Tina Fey's performance as Liz Lemon in this episode "proved the real fount for humor ... [and] was a heartwarming episode, with [Fey's] conquest." (It says in effect: Tina Fey's performance ... was a heartwarming episode.) Further, that long caption forces the image down into the References section.
 * Removed, and no, not really [about the image]. What type of browser are you using? -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:01, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * "and that there were indefinite amount of funny moments, but overall the episode was lacking." - could you clarify what this means?
 * I added quotes around "indefinite amount of funny moments", I was trying to "summarize" the review. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:01, 9 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Well, I hate to harp! But do you mean that 'Liz tells Jenna if she tells everyone her real age, she will reveal' [to] 'her "friend Tom... Tom Selleck" [that she has a]  mustache?' Sorry, but I am clueless about what that sentence means. Later, it says that she enters a dressing room with her mustache.
 * Did you read the link I provided? Liz still had the mustache on, when Jack lied to Danny that he very much cared for her, and when she went to Tracy's dressing room to get Sue back to the writer's room. Tracy tells Sue that all he wanted was to be a good father figure and to "pass you off to a nice man", hence Liz comes in with the mustache. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:42, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * "Indefinite amount of funny moments" means there are no known number. Do you mean "unlimited" number of funny moments? Or do you mean that there is no way to assess the amount of funny moments, that is is vague and indefinite?
 * The reviewer says that there were "some funny moments to be sure" in this episode, but he came to a conclusion that the episode lacked, I guess. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  21:42, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

<b style="color:navy;">Xtzou</b> ( Talk ) 21:31, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Well, I will drop the mustache as I don't get it but hopefully others do. One more thing. In the Production section, there are four short paras which makes for choppy reading. Is there any way you could combine the paras to reduce choppiness and make the wording flow more?

<b style="color:navy;">Xtzou</b> ( Talk ) 22:18, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Combined. -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  22:25, 9 April 2010 (UTC)


 * All right. Thanks for being so cooperative. <b style="color:navy;">Xtzou</b> ( Talk ) 22:41, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose quality:
 * B. MoS compliance:
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. References to sources:
 * B. Citation of reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: Pass!
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: Pass!
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail: Pass!
 * Pass or Fail: Pass!

Congratulations! <b style="color:navy;">Xtzou</b> ( Talk ) 22:43, 9 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Thank you for taking the time to review this article, it is most appreciated. :) -- ThinkBlue   (Hit   BLUE)  22:46, 9 April 2010 (UTC)