Talk:Black and White (picture book)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 07:33, 15 August 2019 (UTC)

Comments
 * "postmodern picture book " this is a WP:SEAOFBLUE.
 * I removed link to picture book. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * " Released by Houghton Mifflin..." published? (especially as you repeat "release" later in the same sentence).
 * Dunno why I fixated on released. Changed to published. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * " act different one" maybe a ENGVAR thing but I would say " act differently one", and even replace "act" with "behave".


 * " of doing a book" not encyclopedic in tone, perhaps "of writing a book" or "of creating a book"?


 * " of a postmodern picture book" you've already linked these two in the previous para of the lead.
 * So I left the link in. My understanding is that links in the LEAD should be repeated the first time in the body. If you tell me differently I'll change. Barkeep49 (talk)
 * You had it linked twice in the lead, that appears to be resolved now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)


 * " The book is credited..." the word "book" appears three times in this one sentence....
 * I changed the first mention to the title. I think the other two are unavoidable. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * "He worked hard to" I would remove "hard" here.
 * The quote that supports that is "I did everything I could to visually separate each fragment" which says to me hard work. I can switch it so it's the quote instead if you think that's better. Barkeep49 (talk)
 * Yes, I'd prefer the quote, or my suggestion. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)


 * "two page spread " I would expect "two page" to be hyphenated in this usage.


 * "A photo which resembles the newspaper hat worn by several different characters in Black and White." odd caption. I would say something more like "A newspaper hat similar to that worn by several different characters in Black and White"?


 * " at 7 in the morning and returning home in the evening at 7"-> "at 7 a.m. and returning home at 7 p.m."


 * " leading examples of a postmodern picture book" again, first comment applies here. And considered ?
 * Left per my comment above, noted who the sources are saying consider it. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * "t is about holsteins while" capital H for Holsteins.


 * "Author Macaulay in 2012." fragment, no period required.


 * "in the Los Angeles Times.[17] " newspaper titles in italics.


 * " Macaulay spoke of " no need to repeat name so quickly.
 * Except that we have a quote by a different person in between these two so we do need to make clear who's speaking. From a good writing standpoint I did tweak the phrasing of the first spoke of to described. Barkeep49 (talk)
 * Fair enough. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)


 * "His speech was then delivered ..." active voice: "He then delivered his speech..."


 * Avoid SHOUTING in the ref titles.
 * Think I caught them all. Barkeep49 (talk)


 * Fix the redirect in the McCauley template.


 * (Could fix Cathedral link too while you're at it!)

That's it for me. It's a nice piece of work and probably already technically meets the GA criteria, but these comments might just polish it up a little further. I'll put the nomination on hold for now. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 08:57, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your review and thoughts. Fixed most stuff with just a couple follow-up comments/questions from me. Best, Barkeep49 (talk) 17:45, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
 * No worries, a couple of responses. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 19:07, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Think it was just the one issue which I've now hopefully addressed. Best, Barkeep49 (talk) 20:37, 15 August 2019 (UTC)
 * All good, happy with the changes and very happy with the article overall. Good work. The Rambling Man (Staying alive since 2005!) 05:57, 16 August 2019 (UTC)