Talk:Blond Ambition World Tour/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Cavie78 (talk · contribs) 17:35, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

I'll take this review. Sorry it's taken so long for someone to get round to it! Cavie78 (talk) 17:35, 4 May 2020 (UTC)
 * I look forward to this review,, thank you!!--Christian (talk) 23:38, 4 May 2020 (UTC)

Lead
 * "Originally planned to be called "Like a Prayer World Tour", it was supposed to be sponsored by soft drink manufacturer Pepsi, with whom Madonna signed a deal" Suggest rewording to "Originally planned as the "Like a Prayer World Tour", it was supposed to be sponsored by soft drink manufacturer Pepsi, with whom Madonna had signed a deal" ✅
 * I've also mentioned the commercial here


 * "After the release of the accompanying music video for the single "Like a Prayer", which featured Catholic symbols such as stigmata, burning crosses and a dream about making love to a saint, the Vatican condemned it." -> The music video for the single "Like a Prayer", which featured Catholic images such as stigmata, burning crosses and a dream scene about making love to a saint, received condemnation from the Vatican condemned" ✅
 * Link stigmata ✅
 * "Religious groups sought to ban the commercial" What commercial? You haven't mentioned it
 * See first point


 * "leading the company to revoke the commercial and cancel Madonna's sponsorship contract." -> "leading the company to withdraw the commercial and cancel Madonna's sponsorship contract. ✅
 * "Art Deco was inspired by early Hollywood films using the works of Polish artist Tamara de Lempicka, and the fifth was an encore." -> "Art Deco, inspired by early Hollywood films and featuring paintings by Polish artist Tamara de Lempicka; and finally, an encore." ✅
 * "The art direction was developed" -> "The art direction was by" ✅
 * "The tour garnered positive appreciation from contemporary critics and commercial success" -> "The tour garnered positive reviews from contemporary critics and was a commercial success" ✅
 * "It received the "Most Creative Stage Production" at the" -> "It received the "Most Creative Stage Production" award at the" ✅
 * "only behind" -> "behind only" ✅
 * "Due to its sexual and Catholic imagery" -> "Due to its use of Catholic imagery and sexual content ✅
 * "several Religious organizations" -> "several religious organizations" ✅
 * "included the tour on the list" -> "included the tour on a list" ✅


 * Looking forward for the rest of this review --Christian (talk) 03:06, 8 May 2020 (UTC)

Background
 * "on a television commercial for the company" -> "in a television commercial" Don't think "for the company" is necessary, but feel free to leave in if you disagree. {{done
 * "The deal also included Pepsi sponsoring Madonna's next world tour, announced then as the "Like a Prayer World Tour"" -> "The deal also included Pepsi sponsorship of Madonna's next world tour, announced at the time as the "Like a Prayer World Tour" ✅
 * "the first time something like this was being done in the music industry" -> "the first time this had been done in the music industry" ✅
 * "Pepsi also benefited from having their product associated with Madonna, thereby creating promotion" -> "Pepsi also benefited from having their product associated with Madonna." No need for "thereby creating promotion" ✅
 * "Catholic symbols" -> "Catholic images," ✅
 * "kissing a black saint," Should be a full stop not a comma ✅
 * "Religious groups worldwide including the Vatican immediately" -> "Religious groups worldwide, including the Vatican, immediately" ✅
 * "calling out its blasphemous use of Christian imagery" -> "protesting against, what they saw as, blasphemous use of Christian imagery and called for a boycott of Pepsi and PepsiCo's subsidiaries." ✅
 * "The company revoked the commercial and canceled her sponsorship contract" -> "As a result, Pepsi withdrew the commercial and canceled Madonnna's sponsorship contract"✅

Development
 * "had "complete control over virtually every aspect"." -> "had "complete control over virtually every aspect of the tour"." ✅
 * "but you think you ought to design the stage and art-direct the show as well"." I don't have the book, but it sounds like this should either end with a question mark should say "but I think you ought..."
 * Books says it just like I wrote it; let me know if it's necessary to change it.


 * "He was already an admirer of Madonna and liked that" -> "He was already an admirer of Madonna and expressed admiration for the fact that" (or something like that) ✅
 * "Auditions for dancers took place on New York" -> "Auditions for dancers took place in New York" ✅
 * "An ad was put on" -> "An advertisement was placed in" ✅
 * "who had previously worked with the singer" -> "who had previously worked with Madonna" {{done}}
 * "They had met and auditioned for her, albeit not at a formal audition but at a nightclub in New York." Because you say they already worked with Madonna, you should make it clear the nightclub audtion was for this tour. I'd suggest. "After sending a video tape to the singer, Madonna invited the pair to the Tracks nightclub for an informal audition." {{done}}
 * "had met while shooting the Pepsi commercial" -> "had met while shooting her Pepsi commercial" {{done}}
 * "Construction for the stage costed" -> "Construction for the stage cost" {{done}}
 * "The stage was 80 X 70" -> "The stage was 80 x 70" {{done}}
 * "divided by a curtain going up or down" -> "divided by a curtain going up and down" {{done}}
 * "As this section ends," Watch your tense. Previous sentence, and those about the third and fourth sections, are in the past tense, which I think should be the case all the for descriptions of the different sections
 * I've changed it; let me know if it's OK


 * More to come tomorrow (sorry for the delays!) Cavie78 (talk) 21:03, 10 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Done with the comments, looking forward to the rest :) --Christian (talk) 14:03, 11 May 2020 (UTC)

Concert synopsis
 * "Madonna appeared in a rising platform" -> "Madonna appeared on a rising platform" {{done}}
 * Link voguing to Vogue (dance) {{done}}
 * "featured her doing a choreography with a chair and a muscular dancer watching her from afar" - "featured performing a choreographed routine with a chair while a muscular dancer watched her from afar"
 * "Three male dancers did an elaborate choreography" -> "Three male dancers performed an elaborate piece of choreography" {{done}}
 * "Madonna was decked in the" -> "Madonna was decked out in the" {{done}}
 * "Madonna ends the section" -> "Madonna ended the section" {{done}}
 * "The latter featured Tamara De Lempicka paintings in the backdrops" -> "The latter featured Tamara De Lempicka paintings as backdrops" {{done}}
 * "Madonna came dressed" -> "Madonna came on dressed" {{done}}
 * "During the intermediate music" Not sure what you mean by this - the mid-section of the song? {{done}}
 * "goodbye" is prefered to "good-bye" in both US and Brit English {{done}}
 * "disappeared in a hole" - "disappeared into a hole" {{done}}
 * "The singer was left alone on stage to finish" {{done}}

Critical reception
 * "Taraborrelli wrote that" I know that you've already mentioned Taraborrelli, but that was much earlier in the article. I think you should say something like "In his book Madonna: An Intimate Biography, J. Randy Taraborrelli wrote that" {{done}}
 * " On his review of the show on May 7, 1990" ->"In his review of the show on May 7, 1990" {{done}}
 * "From the Same Publication" -> "From the same publication" {{done}}
 * "On his review of the show in Gothenburg" -> "In his review of the show in Gothenburg" {{done}}

Commercial performance
 * "The tour was viewed" Presumably you mean "attended by"? {{done}}
 * "Nonprofit organization" - "nonprofit organization" {{done}}
 * "dedicated to her friend -> "dedicated to Madonna's friend" {{done}}
 * "one of the biggest crowds for a concert at the time" Where? In Gothenburg? In Sweden? The world? {{done}}
 * "only behind" -> "behind only" {{done}}

Controversies
 * "a Toronto officer" -> "a Toronto police officer" {{done}}
 * Your source says "a police officer and Crown attorney" not a police officer and a detective {{done}}
 * "He also said that despite the appearance of heightened drama, as depicted in the Madonna: Truth or Dare documentary, he feels the police came across "as being real knobs"." I don't think this captures what Bergen is saying. His point is that the police come across "as being real knobs" in the documentary, but he doesn't feel they were acting in that way.
 * Fixed this, let me know if it's correct

More to come - getting there now! Cavie78 (talk) 16:00, 12 May 2020 (UTC)
 * All set {{u|Cavie78}}! Looking forward to the rest :) --Christian (talk) 16:47, 12 May 2020 (UTC)

Broadcasts and recordings
 * "However, Madonna was nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Actress" -> "However, Madonna was nominated for a Razzie Award for Worst Actress for her role in the film." {{done}}
 * "after the tour was finished" -> "after the tour finished" {{done}}

Legacy
 * What is the cite for the first sentence? I'd personally duplicate the Drew Mackie cite at the end just to make it clear, as it's the sort of statement that could be contested.
 * I'm not really understanding this observation; could you elaborate?


 * "Vis-à-vis" -> "vis-à-vis" {{done}}
 * "that it violated too many" I don't know if "too many" is right here? That could be read like the authors are saying Madonna went too far. Maybe "that it violated numerous"?
 * "Further influence was noticed in" -> "Further influence has been recognized by critics on" {{done}}
 * "On her book" -> "In her book" {{done}}
 * "It became the top-selling bra of all time until another one" ? A corset is distinct from a bra. Do you mean the corset/ bra corset? If so are you sure the source says it was the best-selling of all time? It seems rather impractical for day to day wear! {{done}}
 * LOL I don't think they bought it to wear, but rather as a collector's item :P

Other sections
 * All good

Images
 * Look good and really enhance the article. All licences look ok.

Sources
 * A great collection of high-quality sources. It's obvious that lots of research has gone into this article.


 * And (finally!) that's it from me. Sorry again for both the time it took for a reviewer to pick this up and the amount of delay in my own review. Placing on hold for now. I'll have another look through once the remaining changes have been made, but I feel I must say what a pleasure it's been to read and review this article - fantastic work {{u|Chrishm21}}. I was very young when this tour happened, but I remember seeing it reported on the TV and in newspapers (the conical corset is so iconic). Wish I'd been old enough to see a show! I know the featured article process can be daunting, but I'd encourage you to give it a go to further improve the article and give it the recognition your hard work deserves Cavie78 (talk) 21:08, 12 May 2020 (UTC)


 * All done ! Thank you for the great review, I just have a question regarding your first observation on the Legacy section, could you elaborate please?

--Christian (talk) 21:16, 12 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Hi {{ping|Chrishm21}}. The section I'm referring to is: "The Blond Ambition World Tour has been noted for its theatricality and fashion, something uncommon for concerts at the time. Drew Mackie from People, said that "Blond Ambition changed the pop-culture landscape". The fact that the show was divided into five different thematic acts represented, according to the author, "not only a level of creative planning unusual for concerts at the time but also the sheer volume of material Madonna had to work with"." It isn't clear what your source for the first sentence is. Presumably it's Mackie, but you only mention his name at the start of the second sentence and the cite doesn't come until the end of the third sentence. Cavie78 (talk) 17:18, 13 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Hello {{ping|Cavie78}}!! That 1st sentence is an intro to the section. I'm summarizing the tour's legacy (based on the text that follows it). The Mackie quote begins with "Drew Mackie From...". Let me know if it's alright or if I should delete/move that first sentence. Thank you for the answer!! --Christian (talk) 17:25, 13 May 2020 (UTC)
 * The problem is a lack of a source for the first sentence. You need a cite, particularly for "something uncommon for concerts at the time" Cavie78 (talk) 17:29, 13 May 2020 (UTC)
 * '''Done. I've added two sources that talk about what can be summarized through that sentence. Let me know if it works, {{ping|Cavie78}}.--Christian (talk) 18:13, 13 May 2020 (UTC)


 * Excellent - happy to promote! Cavie78 (talk) 19:32, 13 May 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you so much for the marvelous review {{u|Cavie78}}!!--Christian (talk) 20:35, 13 May 2020 (UTC)