Talk:Bob Mann (American football)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 18:19, 26 March 2020 (UTC)

Going to review. MWright96 (talk) 18:19, 26 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks ! and I collaborated on this one, so we both will hopefully be able to work through any comments you have. Cheers,  « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 19:06, 26 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Seconded. Cbl62 (talk) 19:52, 26 March 2020 (UTC)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * Don't believe that African American needs to be linked per MOS:OVERLINK
 * "He signed with the Green Bay Packers near the end of the 1950 NFL season and was the Packers leading receiver in 1951." - repetition of the word "Packers"
 * All done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 14:03, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Early years

 * "His father, Dr. William Mann," - don't use titles such as Dr. per MOS:DOCTOR
 * Done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 14:04, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Hampton Institute

 * "He joined the school's football team," - wikilink the word football to college football
 * Wikilink touchdown for non-football readers
 * Both done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 14:06, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

University of Michigan

 * Wikilink scrimmage to Line of scrimmage for those unfamiliar with football
 * I reworded instead of linking. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 14:06, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

1948 season

 * "Although a ban on African American players in the NFL was denied by team owners at the time, no African American" - try to avoid using the phrase African American twice in one sentence
 * "Mann appeared in all 12 games for the Lions, but was not included in the starting lineup in any of the Lions' games" - similar issue as above
 * "it took many years for African Americans players" - typo; should be African American
 * "He had played two years of basketball at Hampton Institute but did not play basketball at Michigan." - but not at Michigan.
 * All done. Cbl62 (talk) 15:20, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

1949 season

 * Wikilink exhibition game for non-sports readers
 * "Kerbawy ran back through the play-by-play account of the game and discovered she was right." - the sentence is too closely worded to the UP source and will need to be reworded per MOS:LIMITED
 * The acronyms of United Press should be included in parentheses
 * All done. Cbl62 (talk) 15:26, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Salary dispute

 * "Adding fuel to the negotiations," - not so sure that this is an encyclopedic statement. Better to reword it so that it is more neutral to be safe
 * Done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 21:58, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Charges of blackballing

 * "the Lions had asked him to take a 20% pay cut." - the % symbol should be replaced per MOS:PERCENT
 * "The Lions' response to Mann's charge was a statement that they felt Mann was too small" - he
 * "Mann filed a lawsuit against the NFL based on his belief that NFL owners" - close repetition of the word "NFL"
 * All done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 21:59, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

1950–1951

 * "he appeared in the Packers' final home game against the San Francisco 49ers, becoming the first African-American to play for the Packers." - try not to repeat the same word in the same sentence
 * Done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 15:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

1952–1955

 * "who elicited comparisons to Packers' great Don Hutson," - great is not netural and will need to be removed as well as the sentence undergo a minor rephrasing
 * "Mann, who "was open all afternoon as the Bears chased Howton"" - according to whom?
 * Done both. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 21:56, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Race
Those are the issues I found during my readthrough. Will put on hold for the time being. MWright96 (talk) 13:16, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * "the 252-pound Afflis" - use the template on the text in bold
 * Done. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 15:23, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * , it looks like everything has been addressed. Is there anything else you want to address before notifying MWrright96? « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 22:05, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * I will do a further read-through later today. Good teamwork.  Thanks again. Cbl62 (talk) 22:16, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Awesome. Feel free to notify MWrright96 when you are finished with your review. I completed my review. « Gonzo fan2007  (talk)  @ 22:30, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your good comments. Ready for you to take another look. Cbl62 (talk) 05:51, 28 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Now promoting to GA class MWright96 (talk) 11:25, 28 March 2020 (UTC)